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Posted on 7/7/15 at 11:44 pm to kc8876
Well, if death is a part of life, it does make sense.
Posted on 7/7/15 at 11:45 pm to CoCo311
quote:
That just seems so impersonal.
It probably doesn't help that I've been so very fortunate to not lose anyone really close to me, so I may lack a certain amount of empathy required to find the necessary words.
But to be honest, you're not looking for a Hallmark card. Actions speak louder than words. If my mom died tomorrow, I'd really just want my friends to be there for me, say they're sorry for my loss, say they'd be there for me during all this, and then come through on their promise. Composing a poem isn't really going to help me all that much. Just have your friends act like your friends and maybe talk to you more often than they typically do for 3 months. That's what I'd want at least.
Posted on 7/7/15 at 11:48 pm to RogerTheShrubber
quote:
Friend lost a very young child. He said the only person at the time who brought him comfort just told him "Im here if you need me." Everyone else just said what they thought they were supposed to say.
That's all I say and that's all that needs to be said
Posted on 7/7/15 at 11:49 pm to LETSGEAUX2
You don't.
They somehow find a reason to live and use it.
They somehow find a reason to live and use it.
Posted on 7/7/15 at 11:50 pm to CoCo311
quote:
Well, if death is a part of life, it does make sense.
You know what I meant
Posted on 7/7/15 at 11:50 pm to Carson123987
quote:
you cant. thats the worst thing on earth
This.
There is no "ultimate reason" an innocent child suffers a terrible death. That's bullshite. It's life and life can be horrific sometimes. There's no answer for why
Posted on 7/7/15 at 11:53 pm to kc8876
quote:
That's all I say and that's all that needs to be said
Seriously, it's no different than what you want after a brutal breakup or divorce. Does anyone want anything formal after that? No, people want their friends to talk to after that and some remote possibility of recovery. Yes a breakup or divorce is less severe than your own spawn dying, but no one wants a "Sorry" card or a pie after going through a breakup. They want their friends around them to help and reassure them.
Posted on 7/7/15 at 11:56 pm to LETSGEAUX2
The loss of a child is incomprehensible. I don't believe there is a loving god that would exact such cruelty on people.
Posted on 7/8/15 at 12:02 am to OMLandshark
quote:
Seriously, it's no different than what you want after a brutal breakup or divorce. Does anyone want anything formal after that? No, people want their friends to talk to after that and some remote possibility of recovery. Yes a breakup or divorce is less severe than your own spawn dying, but no one wants a "Sorry" card or a pie after going through a breakup. They want their friends around them to help and reassure them.
Yeah, people don't think when they get in these types of situations, for some reason they think they need to say all the right things and end up just trying to hard. All someone wants is your presence, they don't want to talk about how they feel and all the details about what's going on
This post was edited on 7/8/15 at 12:05 am
Posted on 7/8/15 at 12:20 am to kc8876
quote:
Yeah, people don't think when they get in these types of situations, for some reason they think they need to say all the right things and end up just trying to hard.
It's just a very uncomfortable situation for most people. You know that person is experiencing a level of loss that you could never even imagine and you just feel like you need to say something. Last year when my coworker lost 3 of her children in a car accident I was part of a group of people that brought food over to her. I can remember when it was my turn to bring food it was really awkward for me being there at first. I mean...what do you say to a person who lost 3 of her children all at once?! So I didn't say anything. I let her talk. At that point it was only just a few days after the accident, the funeral had not happened yet...she just wanted to drink and feel numb so I sat and had a few drinks with her and her family, letting her just say whatever she wanted to say, when she wanted to say it.
Posted on 7/8/15 at 1:02 am to LETSGEAUX2
There is no answer.
By and far, it is the worst of our human existence/experience. imho
By and far, it is the worst of our human existence/experience. imho
Posted on 7/8/15 at 1:07 am to IonaTiger
quote:
They say time and Faith helps, but I believe that they are scarred for life.
They are.
My brother and I are as close as it gets.
When he lost his son (my nephew) it turned my life on end, so I cant even accurately convey what it did to him.
Almost a decade later, he (my brother) is still not the same guy I grew up with
Posted on 7/8/15 at 1:10 am to lsunurse
quote:
I mean...what do you say to a person who lost 3 of her children all at once?! So I didn't say anything. I let her talk. At that point it was only just a few days after the accident, the funeral had not happened yet...she just wanted to drink and feel numb so I sat and had a few drinks with her and her family, letting her just say whatever she wanted to say, when she wanted to say it.
That's exactly how you do it
Posted on 7/8/15 at 1:40 am to LETSGEAUX2
The answer is simple yet unbelievable, it is a memory problem. What will ultimately happen is we will forget who we think we are, in order to remember who we Really are. There is actually nothing outside of you, only mind made images projected out to form the illusion of the world you see. We decided it was real, so we experience it as real, we decided we wanted to be separate, unique individuals, so we experience ourselves that way, it's not serious at all, there is literally nothing to see here. But as I said, it's unbelievable, so you won't believe it. Lol
Posted on 7/8/15 at 1:54 am to LETSGEAUX2
You cant. We all lose, at varying severities. Bluntly, we get through it or we don't. All we outsiders to some event like this can do is offer support as an additional resource for eventual coping. Life is a long list of shite we are never truly prepared for.
Posted on 7/8/15 at 5:15 am to LETSGEAUX2
"I am responsible for what I see. I choose the feelings I experience, and I decide upon the goal I would achieve. And everything that seems to happen to me I ask for, and receive as I have asked."
Posted on 7/8/15 at 5:27 am to ksayetiger
quote:
by ksayetiger As a parent, i have no answer for you.
This.
You don't. You only have knowledge that your child is now in heaven as Jesus said "let the children come to me".
ETA:
I've always liked this prayer when it comes to death.
Teach me, O Lord, not to hold on to life too tightly. Teach me to hold it lightly; not carelessly, but lightly, easily. Teach me to take it as a gift, to enjoy and cherish while I have it, and to let go gracefully and thankfully when the time comes. For the gift is great, but the Giver greater still. You are the Giver, O Lord, and in You is the life that never dies; through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen
This post was edited on 7/8/15 at 5:31 am
Posted on 7/8/15 at 5:39 am to LETSGEAUX2
Lot of drugs, lost a son 13 years ago and the pain has gotten worse. Time does not heal!!
This post was edited on 7/8/15 at 6:02 am
Posted on 7/8/15 at 5:57 am to LETSGEAUX2
I would curl up in ball and die.
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