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re: How did you grieve when you lost your parent(s)?
Posted on 3/25/15 at 2:05 pm to mizzoukills
Posted on 3/25/15 at 2:05 pm to mizzoukills
In my case, it was my bat shite crazy aunt that told me. The woman has no concept of being gentle or understanding.
0
Posted on 3/25/15 at 2:10 pm to Sparkplug#1
quote:i would give back all the money in the world to talk to my mom again.
Still wating.
- future trust fund baby
Posted on 3/25/15 at 2:16 pm to mizzoukills
quote:
How did you grieve when you lost your parent(s)?
I still listen to this periodically, despite how many years it's been. It shreds me, but sometimes I think I need that so I don't forget.
Posted on 3/25/15 at 2:19 pm to CarRamrod
quote:
i would give back all the money in the world to talk to my mom again.
Easiest choice ever.
Posted on 3/25/15 at 2:22 pm to mizzoukills
I took the bar exam 2 weeks later and passed.
Posted on 3/25/15 at 2:24 pm to 777Tiger
quote:
always thought I'd lose it when my Dad passed away, he was an awesome man, but he died of Alzheimers and for better or worse I had the opportunity to say farewell over a period of years, when he died, and he chose the time, it was somewhat of a relieve for everyone
My father has been dying slowly from ALZ for the past 10 years. He is at the end now. He almost died a few weeks ago but somehow pulled through again. I feel like because it's been so long we've been dealing with this, and he has had so many scares, when the time actually comes it will be a shock. It will be a peaceful time for my family...we pray he gets peace everyday. He wouldn't want to live like this...nobody deserves to.
I went home to say good-bye last year when things were pretty bad. I wanted to go one last time in the next few weeks but my mother prefers I don't see him in the state he is in now. Still debating what to do on that front.
Posted on 3/25/15 at 2:27 pm to 777Tiger
quote:
always thought I'd lose it when my Dad passed away, he was an awesome man, but he died of Alzheimers and for better or worse I had the opportunity to say farewell over a period of years, when he died, and he chose the time, it was somewhat of a relieve for everyone, don't ever skip an opportunity to say I love you to someone you love
Good advice. My mother passed away last month at age 93. She was in hospice at home. She was hanging on, but it was clearly time. The hospice representatives told my dad, my sisters and I to "go in and tell her goodbye and tell her that it is ok to go." We did it on Thursday, and she passed early Friday morning.
It was tough, and I didn't spend as much time with my mom as I should have. I won't make the same mistake with my dad.
My mom and dad were married 66 years, and Dad is having a tough time.
This post was edited on 3/25/15 at 2:29 pm
Posted on 3/25/15 at 2:28 pm to TigahLilly
quote:i would step up to the plate and go see him to help her...She might not want you to see him like that vocally but she will feel good that you came to help her through the tough times as well.
but my mother prefers I don't see him in the state he is in now. Still debating what to do on that front.
my mothers was sickness was over a 4 year period, i would not want to give up those last memories seeing and talking to her. I am still grieving almost 2 years later. And i dont think i am anywhere near acceptance. She is in my dreams multiple times a week and i relive losing her every time. It is a battle but everytime i wake up after seeing her face in a dream there is a bit of happiness that i got to see her again.
This post was edited on 3/25/15 at 2:34 pm
Posted on 3/25/15 at 2:33 pm to TigahLilly
quote:
I wanted to go one last time in the next few weeks but my mother prefers I don't see him in the state he is in now. Still debating what to do on that front.
I would go, even when it got to the point to where my Dad had basically lost his mind, just hearing his voice gave me some comfort because he had always been the voice of comfort to me. The last time I ever saw him I changed his diaper before I left. To this day I'm glad I went, and right before he left he rallied and recognized a couple of us. Moments you can't get back. Good luck my friend.
Posted on 3/25/15 at 2:36 pm to 777Tiger
quote:
I would go, even when it got to the point to where my Dad had basically lost his mind, just hearing his voice gave me some comfort because he had always been the voice of comfort to me. The last time I ever saw him I changed his diaper before I left. To this day I'm glad I went, and right before he left he rallied and recognized a couple of us. Moments you can't get back. Good luck my friend.
A great son, you are.
Posted on 3/25/15 at 2:42 pm to 777Tiger
quote:
To this day I'm glad I went, and right before he left he rallied and recognized a couple of us.
They say this happens and I'm hoping it does for him. She would rather me come when we know it's the end but I don't want it to be so sudden I miss it. I'll probably end up going to surprise her for her birthday next month. They are halfway across the country or else I'd be there every week.
He hasn't spoken in 5 years, hasn't recognized anybody in about 8 years. He's not mobile at all. With what he has been through it is amazing he is still alive and I tell my mom he's hanging in there for some reason. I just don't know what it is.
Posted on 3/25/15 at 2:47 pm to CarRamrod
quote:
i would give back all the money in the world to talk to my mom again.
Without a doubt
Posted on 3/25/15 at 2:47 pm to 777Tiger
I have both of my parents, but my wife's mom is in her final stages of her battle with cancer and she lost her dad 3 years ago. It has been a tough few years on her and I don't really know what she is going through. I know she misses her dad and already misses her mom, as she isn't herself now.
I do know, not all people want to talk about it like the gentlemen does with his son. My wife didn't like going to church because well meaning people wanting to talk to her and she didn't want to. Everywhere she goes now people ask about her mom and she can never get a break from it even when she leaves home.
I do know, not all people want to talk about it like the gentlemen does with his son. My wife didn't like going to church because well meaning people wanting to talk to her and she didn't want to. Everywhere she goes now people ask about her mom and she can never get a break from it even when she leaves home.
Posted on 3/25/15 at 2:51 pm to TigahLilly
quote:
I went home to say good-bye last year when things were pretty bad. I wanted to go one last time in the next few weeks but my mother prefers I don't see him in the state he is in now. Still debating what to do on that front.
My opinion...you need to go see him and be there for your mother, regardless of her wishes. You may regret not seeing him one last time.
Plus, my aunt said it best: It's our job to help family die well.
She said that about my grandfather for the month prior to his death at 102 year old. It wasn't pretty but we needed to be there to help him pass on in peace. He did so much for the entire family while he was alive.
This is how we give back to the people we love most.
This post was edited on 3/25/15 at 3:08 pm
Posted on 3/25/15 at 2:52 pm to TigahLilly
quote:
he's hanging in there for some reason. I just don't know what it is.
I can't explain it but I think there's something to that. My Dad had a strong will to live and battle against the disease. He had a no resuscitate stipulation in his living will. I think when something clicked inside of him that convinced him he'd lost the fight(by this time he'd been taken to the hospital from the Alzheimers home,) the pained look on his face went away and I swear the lines on his face began to disappear and he looked about 30 years younger and at peace. He clenched his teeth when they were trying to feed him and basically said I'm leaving now. The last dignity he could muster I guess.
Posted on 3/25/15 at 2:52 pm to mizzoukills
I've never really grieved over losing my parents because it happened when I was so young. Losing my grandmother though (the one that raised me and I called "mom") was a complete shock even though I knew it was coming for several years before she died. It messed me up pretty bad for a while. Basically my whole world that I'd grown up in for the first 14 years of my life came to an end with her death and it took me a long time to come to terms with the world that replaced it.
This post was edited on 3/25/15 at 2:53 pm
Posted on 3/25/15 at 2:53 pm to mizzoukills
I lost my mom 14 months ago. She'd been sick and going downhill for nearly 5 years. Idk if it made things easier, but it was not a shock when she passed. My initial reaction was sadness, and doubts as if I'd made her proud as a son, or whether she resented that I never gave her any grandchildren. Those thoughts soon faded to ones of relief, as she was no longer suffering. I soon felt selfish for missing her so much. So I was feeling sad, relieved, guilt-ridden, and selfish all at once. My mother was truly my best friend, and her passing is to date the most difficult thing I've experienced.
Posted on 3/25/15 at 2:57 pm to Langston
quote:
do know, not all people want to talk about it like the gentlemen does with his son. My wife didn't like going to church because well meaning people wanting to talk to her and she didn't want to. Everywhere she goes now people ask about her mom and she can never get a break from it even when she leaves home.
People certainly grieve in different ways. I understand that.
However, I would urge her to talk about it as hard as it may seem.
Sometimes the simply act of talking about the death is comforting. You can sort of counsel yourself in discussions with other people. They may not understand your experience, but that isn't the point. The point is the discussion itself sometimes helps you move through the grief rather than becoming lost in it.
This post was edited on 3/25/15 at 3:04 pm
Posted on 3/25/15 at 3:04 pm to 777Tiger
quote:
He clenched his teeth when they were trying to feed him and basically said I'm leaving now. The last dignity he could muster I guess.
Wow, that is really amazing. I don't know what is going on in his head and it scares me everyday there is more going on in there then we know even if it looks like there nothing there.
I don't think I could live with myself if I don't see him one last time. For the past few years though every time I see him I always think it's going to be the last time. Thanks for the advice here, y'all. I don't know many IRL who have had to deal with the loss of a parent.
Posted on 3/25/15 at 3:09 pm to TigahLilly
quote:
For the past few years though every time I see him I always think it's going to be the last time
Last time I saw my Dad was New Year's Eve. He was fine. Shot the shite for a few minutes, gave him a hug, told him I loved him and that I would see him in a week or so. Dropped dead five days later. You never know when the last time will be the last time.
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