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re: Family Gift etiquette . What would the OT do?

Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:31 am to
Posted by Lsupimp
Ersatz Amerika-97.6% phony & fake
Member since Nov 2003
78498 posts
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:31 am to
Also good advice moneyg.
Posted by shawnlsu
Member since Nov 2011
23682 posts
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:34 am to
Why can't people just talk to each other.
"Hey, BIL, I wasn't privy to the conversation you and the wive's (no pics because I'm a douche) had about the car. I had a thought and wanted to run it by you to see what your intentions were since I was already toying with the idea of getting daughter (no pics because she's still a minor) a newer, more reliable car that would last her past college......."

It really is that easy.
This post was edited on 7/24/17 at 9:35 am
Posted by Paddyshack
Land of the Free
Member since Sep 2015
8249 posts
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:34 am to
quote:

Do you think maybe I should hold on to the Kia for six months or so and then approach him for " permission " to sell the car. ?

I dont think that would be a bad idea if it doesnt have to happen right away.
Still, a gift is a gift. I dont think taking two lesser cars and upgrading to one better car is an unforgivable sin just because one of those cars was gifted. If your brother is reasonable (which he clearly is), he would want a nicer, more reliable car for his niece anyway.

What I would definitely do is run this "plan" by your wife just to be sure that wont raise any issues.
Posted by Bmath
LA
Member since Aug 2010
18668 posts
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:34 am to
My parents had my grandma's early 90's accord. It was worth a few grand, and they gave it to a family friend that had been down on their luck and was helping them with some work inside the house.

He flipped it and bought a used Mercedes. My parents were pretty aggravated with him after that.

Maybe sit down and explain the situation to him and see how he feels about it. He might rather just give you $6k towards a down payment so he could donate the car or keep it a few more years.
Posted by Mouth
Member since Jan 2008
20960 posts
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:34 am to
I would talk to him about how you think combining the sales of both cars in order to purchase her a new car, would be a great investment for the future.

I'm sure he would completely agree.
Posted by Collegedropout
Where Northern Mexico meets Dixie
Member since May 2017
5202 posts
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:35 am to
this just seems so bizarre to me.
Posted by Collegedropout
Where Northern Mexico meets Dixie
Member since May 2017
5202 posts
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:38 am to
I'm a poor boy and I would not accept a 6k gift if I was going to sell it unless it was a loan that I would pay back.

Accepting a car and selling it for $6000? That doesn't seem odd to you?
Posted by idlewatcher
County Jail
Member since Jan 2012
79069 posts
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:39 am to
quote:

I'm picking it up in Austin. Also I won't " ruin" a relationship over this. I've been similarly kind to him during a very difficult time in his life . And neither of us are the kind of people who " ruin" relationships-we are all very close- it's just that he arranged this with my wife I was not in the loop during this discussion and I'm thinking my 2001 Toyota might outlast the 2009 Kia. We may be solving a problem we don't have.


Yea man, I hope you know I wasn't implying that Just no reason to possibly upend a relationship is all.

Kia's are legit FWIW. Same with Subaru. I'd definitely see if you can find something on the way home - here in Houston, tons of options obviously.
Posted by LCA131
Home of the Fake Sig lines
Member since Feb 2008
72597 posts
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:45 am to
quote:

Accepting a car and selling it for $6000? That doesn't seem odd to you?


Not given the scenario that the OP posted. Their relationship is crucial to the answer. His B-I-L wants to help her out and has in the past. He has helped out B-I-L in the past. Gifts should be given with no strings attached. A quick, candid chat will clear this all up.

Posted by Dam Guide
Member since Sep 2005
15503 posts
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:46 am to
quote:

A quick, candid chat will clear this all up.


That's too much to ask of some people apparently.
Posted by MBclass83
Baton Rouge
Member since Oct 2010
9354 posts
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:47 am to
Don't sell it. This is what happened to us. We inherited a one year old car and sold it to my parents 6,000.00 off blue book value as a "favor" to them. They kept it a few months and then sold it for a 5,000.00 profit. This made me think WTF about my parents and 12 years later it still affects my feelings toward them. To me it was an unforgivable act. JMHO.
Posted by Paddyshack
Land of the Free
Member since Sep 2015
8249 posts
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:50 am to
quote:

Accepting a car and selling it for $6000? That doesn't seem odd to you?


Its a gift. Why would you not accept it? You didn't ask for it.

quote:

I would not accept a 6k gift if I was going to sell it unless it was a loan that I would pay back.

If someone gifts (not loans) you $6k cash, you're going to repay them $6k?
Posted by Lsupimp
Ersatz Amerika-97.6% phony & fake
Member since Nov 2003
78498 posts
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:55 am to
The most important thing to my Brother in law in his entire life are his parents. We are close, partially because I " gift" them the things they need , I gave my father- in- law a used car, a new refrigerator, a set of new couches, etc . Really, everybody " gifts" everybody all the time. Another brother in law hands my kids $100 bills every time he sees them like The Godfather. And all of us are doing well with our careers. It's not about the money - it's him expressing his affection for her.

This is about being pragmatic ( buying a car that will last her ten years) or being polite and considerate. And I appreciate every response as they help me see it emotionally from all kind of perspectives. Including the one two up where the guy resents his own parents. That's the kind of story I need to hear.

I think the right thing to do is sell the Toyota, let her drive the Kia , and revisit it down the road after he has bathed in the glow of recognition for his generosity. He's really, really a great guy and his wife is even better and my kids are extremely close with them . I'd take a beat down from the OT and IRL before I'd jeopardize that .
Posted by Festus
With Skillet
Member since Nov 2009
85010 posts
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:59 am to
If people thought like you do in this post, there'd be a lot less hurt feelings within families. Clearly, nothing you do is going to permanently damage any of your relationships. But it's odd how some things that are so trivial can put a bad taste in someone's mouth. Then, in bed, talking it over with the spouse, a little thing seems more personal and feelings get hurt. Nothing big, just a subtle feeling of being used.

Anyway, good luck with the car and whatever you decide. It's nice having family that looks out for each other like you described.
Posted by JetFuelTyga
Born in desert,raised in lion's den
Member since Feb 2016
1786 posts
Posted on 7/24/17 at 10:07 am to
You take the car and let daughter drive it for a few months.

Around October, the Kia has a "major engine malfunction", rendering the car "totaled".

Trade it in on what you actually want.

Profit.

Everyone wins.
Posted by LCA131
Home of the Fake Sig lines
Member since Feb 2008
72597 posts
Posted on 7/24/17 at 10:10 am to
quote:

You take the car and let daughter drive it for a few months.

Around October, the Kia has a "major engine malfunction", rendering the car "totaled".

Trade it in on what you actually want.

Profit.

Everyone wins.



Lousy troll job with no effort put forth.

Go cut yourself.
This post was edited on 7/24/17 at 10:11 am
Posted by Gris Gris
OTIS!NO RULES FOR SAUCES ON STEAK!!
Member since Feb 2008
47373 posts
Posted on 7/24/17 at 10:17 am to
If y'all are as close as you say, then chat with him about your thoughts. Just be up front and honest. Check with your wife, first, of course, since she's the one who brokered the deal.

Otherwise, take the car and let your daughter drive it for a while and then sell it down the road.

Or, thank him for his generosity and tell him that you decided to buy your daughter a newer car with some bells and whistles. He may offer to give the car for a trade in.
Posted by RonLaFlamme
Baton Rouge
Member since Nov 2016
1678 posts
Posted on 7/24/17 at 10:17 am to
People are funny about "gifts". Some people take the attitude that the "gift" entitles them to some retained ownership and control over said "gift".

Others give freely.

Don't know what type your BIL is.
Posted by Collegedropout
Where Northern Mexico meets Dixie
Member since May 2017
5202 posts
Posted on 7/24/17 at 10:19 am to
quote:

I would not accept a 6k gift if I was going to sell it unless it was a loan that I would pay back.

Posted by kook
Berrytown
Member since Sep 2013
1894 posts
Posted on 7/24/17 at 11:47 am to
he gave it to your daughter. Have her call and ask if she can sell it. He won't tell her no.
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