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Started By
Message
Family Gift etiquette . What would the OT do?
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:09 am
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:09 am
My daughter (17 no pics) is starting LSU next month. She drives a 2001 Toyota SUV with extremely high mileage (300,000) that has been impeccably maintained. Blue book value is approximately 3k. The mechanic says it's going to run forever.
My brother in law , who has no children is very close with mine. He has decided to give me his wife's 2009 Kia sedan instead of selling it. It is worth approximately 6 k. I'm flying to Texas to pick it up and drive it home.
I would prefer to take both cars and sell them and use that money to buy a better and newer car for my daughter . My wife has arranged this whole set up with her brother and I want to be respectful to him, as he is selflessly ( as always) giving my daughter this gift. He has the idea that his car will get her through college.
Am I committing an unforgivable breach of decorum for asking him if I can " sell " his gift . The Kia will probably get her through college but I'd rather buy her a used Honda or Toyota that will last post- college and just be a better / safer/ more equipped all- around car for road trips and stuff .
After the obligatory " you sound like a douche canoe" comment, what do you think ? Preserving relationships and being respectful is always my primary concern. But honestly, I didn't arrange this whole deal and I'd prefer to take this opportunity to buy my daughter a more reliable car. Should I have this conversation with him? Or should I just accept the unbelievably generous gift and stfu?
My brother in law , who has no children is very close with mine. He has decided to give me his wife's 2009 Kia sedan instead of selling it. It is worth approximately 6 k. I'm flying to Texas to pick it up and drive it home.
I would prefer to take both cars and sell them and use that money to buy a better and newer car for my daughter . My wife has arranged this whole set up with her brother and I want to be respectful to him, as he is selflessly ( as always) giving my daughter this gift. He has the idea that his car will get her through college.
Am I committing an unforgivable breach of decorum for asking him if I can " sell " his gift . The Kia will probably get her through college but I'd rather buy her a used Honda or Toyota that will last post- college and just be a better / safer/ more equipped all- around car for road trips and stuff .
After the obligatory " you sound like a douche canoe" comment, what do you think ? Preserving relationships and being respectful is always my primary concern. But honestly, I didn't arrange this whole deal and I'd prefer to take this opportunity to buy my daughter a more reliable car. Should I have this conversation with him? Or should I just accept the unbelievably generous gift and stfu?
26
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:10 am to Lsupimp
He's your brother. Just talk to him about it.
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:11 am to Lsupimp
I gave my father in law a Ford Explorer years ago that was probably worth 8-10k. After I gave it to him I didn't really care what he did with it. He's still driving the thing though.
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:11 am to Lsupimp
I'd just talk to him about it.
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:12 am to Lsupimp
quote:
Am I committing an unforgivable breach of decorum for asking him if I can " sell " his gift .
I don't know about your brother, but if I give someone something, I don't really care what they do after I give it to them unless it has some type of sentimental value
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:12 am to Lsupimp
You should have already had this conversation with him. And I'll just add the obligatory "You came to the right place."
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:13 am to Lsupimp
Yea I'd ask him before making any sales. He's doing both you and your daughter a solid by just giving the Kia to you free and clear.
Where in TX are you picking it up?
quote:
2001 Toyota SUV with extremely high mileage (300,000)
Where in TX are you picking it up?
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:13 am to Lsupimp
Tell the guy your plan before going get it.
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:14 am to Lsupimp
I would not accept the offer/gift, if you're going to turn around and sell it. $6K is not worth ruining a relationship with family.
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:16 am to Lsupimp
I'd rather the Toyota over the Kia anyway, regardless of miles or year.
But, since he is giving you the car, I wouldn't just immediately trade it in without mentioning your intentions to him. Note, he could trade it in, too, if that is what he really wanted to happen.
But, since he is giving you the car, I wouldn't just immediately trade it in without mentioning your intentions to him. Note, he could trade it in, too, if that is what he really wanted to happen.
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:20 am to Lsupimp
I dont see the problem. If your reasons are for safety, reliability, and want something nicer for your daughter, I would think your brother would be all for it. He will still have contributed in a significant way.
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:21 am to idlewatcher
I'm picking it up in Austin. Also I won't " ruin" a relationship over this. I've been similarly kind to him during a very difficult time in his life . And neither of us are the kind of people who " ruin" relationships-we are all very close- it's just that he arranged this with my wife I was not in the loop during this discussion and I'm thinking my 2001 Toyota might outlast the 2009 Kia. We may be solving a problem we don't have.
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:22 am to Lsupimp
If you are going to sell it just tell him no thanks and go buy your daughter the car you want for her
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:23 am to Lsupimp
quote:
buy her a used Honda or Toyota
i hear these have excellent back seats
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:25 am to Lsupimp
I actually just had a similar situation with my parents.
They wanted to gift me and my wife one of their cars. It was neither of our "styles," and we had a more immediate need for cash, since both of our cars were already OK.
I just had a discussion with my parents and asked them if they'd be OK with us selling it. Their response was that it's intended to be a gift, and so we could do with it as we pleased.
Because I spoke to them about it, they actually ended up taking care of selling it for us, and just gave us a check.
They wanted to gift me and my wife one of their cars. It was neither of our "styles," and we had a more immediate need for cash, since both of our cars were already OK.
I just had a discussion with my parents and asked them if they'd be OK with us selling it. Their response was that it's intended to be a gift, and so we could do with it as we pleased.
Because I spoke to them about it, they actually ended up taking care of selling it for us, and just gave us a check.
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:26 am to Lsupimp
Honestly, I would have her drive the Kia, and use the money you get from selling the Toyota for maintenance or repairs while she's in school.
If he's giving the car to your daughter for college, he and his wife are probably expecting that she is going to drive it, not sell it and raise cash. Otherwise, they could have sold it themselves and handed her the cash.
In the very least, I would politely decline the car and tell him your plans to buy her something she can drive after college as well. Let him tell you to sell it for cash if that's his intent.
If he's giving the car to your daughter for college, he and his wife are probably expecting that she is going to drive it, not sell it and raise cash. Otherwise, they could have sold it themselves and handed her the cash.
In the very least, I would politely decline the car and tell him your plans to buy her something she can drive after college as well. Let him tell you to sell it for cash if that's his intent.
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:27 am to Paddyshack
Ok Paddy, Do you think maybe I should hold on to the Kia for six months or so and then approach him for " permission " to sell the car. ? Give him psychological veto power and frame it in terms of long term solution for her knowing he will want what is best for her ...
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:28 am to Lsupimp
quote:
Am I committing an unforgivable breach of decorum for asking him if I can " sell " his gift .
yes
quote:
Should I have this conversation with him? Or should I just accept the unbelievably generous gift and stfu?
Your concerns are reasonable. If you were going to put your daughter in a newer, more reliable, safer, more equipped etc. vehicle without the gift, then you need to reach out to your BIL, tell him how grateful you are that he was willing to effectively give you 6K, but that you had already decided to get her something a little newer...and that you wouldn't feel right to take the car and replace it in fairly short order.
if you wouldn't have replaced her vehicle with something newer on your own, STFU and accept the unbelievably generous gift. He wasn't trying to give you 6K.
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:29 am to Festus
Thanks Festus. Good advice .
Posted on 7/24/17 at 9:30 am to yellowfin
quote:
If you are going to sell it just tell him no thanks and go buy your daughter the car you want for her
Because YOU would turn down a 6k asset of someone offered it to you?
You're stupid.
Tell the brother-IN-LAW you have thought it over and will likely sell both if he will not be offended. Doing so will get her a vehicle that will last her BEYOND college a few years. If he is not comfortable with that, act accordingly.
This post was edited on 7/24/17 at 9:33 am
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