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re: Does every romantic relationship need a purpose? Roommate seems to think so...

Posted on 1/11/16 at 4:42 pm to
Posted by NoSaint
Member since Jun 2011
11267 posts
Posted on 1/11/16 at 4:42 pm to
why are you still so hung up on his issues instead of your own?
Posted by saint amant steve
Baton Rouge
Member since Aug 2008
5695 posts
Posted on 1/11/16 at 4:44 pm to
quote:

well, after 2 years its probably good to take stock of what kind of intention/purpose/goals you have with this


I agree, and that is exactly what I have been doing as of late.

quote:

isnt this exactly the kind of thing you were looking for when seeking opinions from a 3rd party about your long term relationship?


True, but I certainly wasn't expecting him to phrase it like that and make it seem like my relationship is inferior because I can't determine its purpose.
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
421771 posts
Posted on 1/11/16 at 4:45 pm to
i think that there is a "sweet spot" from about 27-37 where relationships matter and have more of a need of purpose

before that and after that? i don't think it's necessary
Posted by HandGrenade
Member since Oct 2010
11225 posts
Posted on 1/11/16 at 4:49 pm to
quote:

"To glorify God."


By busting a nut.
Posted by PearlJam
NotBeardEaves
Member since Aug 2014
13908 posts
Posted on 1/11/16 at 4:50 pm to
quote:

I certainly wasn't expecting him to phrase it like that and make it seem like my relationship is inferior because I can't determine its purpose.
Based on what you have said, his relationship is intentionally moving toward marriage. It has more commitment (or at least a perception of such) and a unified purpose (even if a bit esoteric).

Your relationship appears to have less intentionality and focus despite (or because of) it's longer duration.

That doesn't mean his relationship is superior or yours inferior, but if you don't hold the same belief system, you aren't going to see eye to eye on this issue. That is ok.
Posted by saint amant steve
Baton Rouge
Member since Aug 2008
5695 posts
Posted on 1/11/16 at 4:57 pm to
quote:

So it sounds like his question about the purpose of your relationship struck a nerve because there is some truth to a lack of intention in your current relationship. However, since you aren't on the same page with him as religion goes, his stated purpose of seeking to glorify God in his relationship doesn't really offer you much as a solution or advice for your own relationship issue. Is that about right?


Actually, yes. That's pretty well-summarized.
Posted by saint amant steve
Baton Rouge
Member since Aug 2008
5695 posts
Posted on 1/11/16 at 4:57 pm to
quote:

why are you still so hung up on his issues instead of your own?



The other thread was started by my other roommate. There are three of us.
Posted by Pectus
Internet
Member since Apr 2010
67302 posts
Posted on 1/11/16 at 4:59 pm to
Dating is practicing marriage.
Posted by forever lsu30
Member since Nov 2005
3951 posts
Posted on 1/11/16 at 5:05 pm to
Thx for linking it.

Can we get Cliffs on how the "redecorating" situation went?
What all went down when her & her merry band of bible thumpers showed up?
Does the gf ever spend the night over or long periods of time in his room with the door closed...?
Posted by Rockbrc
Attic
Member since Nov 2015
7906 posts
Posted on 1/11/16 at 5:08 pm to
Don't worry. He'll be a 90 day wonder and backslide. Unless, of course, she's Pentecostal and then she'll be knocked up before too long.
Posted by saint amant steve
Baton Rouge
Member since Aug 2008
5695 posts
Posted on 1/11/16 at 5:43 pm to
quote:

Can we get Cliffs on how the "redecorating" situation went?
What all went down when her & her merry band of bible thumpers showed up?
Does the gf ever spend the night over or long periods of time in his room with the door closed...?


The redecorating went as you might imagine. The room was almost unrecognizable after they finished.

-According to my other roommate, the girlfriend, her mother, and two younger sisters, showed up at approximately 9:30 A.M. on a Saturday.
-Showed up in the sort of van you see church youth groups travel around in.
-They spent only 45 minutes cleaning up and decorating and then quietly left.
-There was a big custom-made plank of wood left hanging over the bed which read, "I AM REDEEMED". It had the apparent date that he was saved and the girlfriend's initials etched into the wood.
-A giant letter 'M' was positioned along the wall over his dresser in a sort of rudimentary wooden frame comprised of small pieces of 2x4 nailed together. It looked like some monogram shite that most females have.
-Christmas lights were strung around his window.
-There was a fancy light switch cover installed, and in the process these fricking women removed a piece of Star Wars paraphernalia which operated as the previous light switch cover. The light cover had been there before I even moved into the house several years ago.
-There was a Glad plug-in installed.
-New comforter and bed sheets.
-A bunch of awkward photos of my roommate and the girl taken over the span of what appeared to be just a couple of days. Then again, if you haven't been together long then it's hard to arrange a sentimental photo collage.

Hell no she never spends the night with him unsupervised. It's very seldom that he ever brings her over to the house at all. However, I'm almost convinced that he sleeps over at her family's house on a regular basis.
Posted by saint amant steve
Baton Rouge
Member since Aug 2008
5695 posts
Posted on 1/11/16 at 5:44 pm to
quote:

Unless, of course, she's Pentecostal and then she'll be knocked up before too long.


Not Pentecostal from what I can gather based on the lack of jean full-length skirts.
Posted by Hangit
The Green Swamp
Member since Aug 2014
39067 posts
Posted on 1/11/16 at 6:08 pm to
I see from the other thread that I thought this was a troll. I now see that you are saying your drug addled 19 year old room mate is a JR at LSU?

He is an international jet setter and nought nought spy? Next he will be a big time Hollywood movie producer . The first thing you know, Jed's a millionaire.
Posted by saint amant steve
Baton Rouge
Member since Aug 2008
5695 posts
Posted on 1/11/16 at 7:00 pm to
quote:

I now see that you are saying your drug addled 19 year old room mate is a JR at LSU?


That's been the story all along. It's not my fault that my other roommate ruined our household's reputation by leading everyone on with such nonsense.

Posted by tigersownall
Thibodaux
Member since Sep 2011
15298 posts
Posted on 1/11/16 at 7:13 pm to
Is your roommate from Patterson?
Posted by hendersonshands
Univ. of Louisiana Ragin Cajuns
Member since Oct 2007
160104 posts
Posted on 1/11/16 at 7:15 pm to
I always immediately give thanks to God after I blow my load into my wife's guts.
Posted by its1999
Member since Aug 2009
1039 posts
Posted on 1/11/16 at 7:21 pm to
quote:


Bravo, Sir. This has been my mindset the entire time. Thank goodness someone views dating in such a similar manner. 


Thanks, but I'm a ma'am

Each situation and age are different. Some people in their early 20s are ready for marriage, many are not, based on divorce rates.

You're mid 20s, been dating gf since probably around graduation if you went to college. You also said he was a lot wilder than you, so chances are you didn't go full tilt in college, so logic dictates you'd do it post graduating. BUT if you were in a steady relationship, you didn't, so... now's your "what if?" moment.

Best for both of you to do clean breaks and go separate ways now rather than prolonging things.
Posted by saint amant steve
Baton Rouge
Member since Aug 2008
5695 posts
Posted on 1/11/16 at 7:26 pm to
quote:

Is your roommate from Patterson?


Nope. Lake Chuck.
Posted by saint amant steve
Baton Rouge
Member since Aug 2008
5695 posts
Posted on 1/11/16 at 7:27 pm to
quote:

Thanks, but I'm a ma'am


Well, in that case...

Posted by saint amant steve
Baton Rouge
Member since Aug 2008
5695 posts
Posted on 1/11/16 at 7:37 pm to
quote:

You're mid 20s, been dating gf since probably around graduation if you went to college. You also said he was a lot wilder than you, so chances are you didn't go full tilt in college, so logic dictates you'd do it post graduating. BUT if you were in a steady relationship, you didn't, so... now's your "what if?" moment.


We started seeing each other a couple of months after I graduated. She's a little less than two years younger than me so I guess I've been her steady boyfriend during college, but I was pretty much single the entirety of my time at LSU.

Now I'm actually returning to school and the prospect of being around so many young women again is a bit overwhelming. Being removed from it didn't cause any problems but now it's like I'm being thrown back into the fire.

I was employed by the University for a little over a year and even then it was difficult walking across campus here and there. Fortunately, the majority of my department was filled with males and older women who were not the least bit desirable.

quote:

Best for both of you to do clean breaks and go separate ways now rather than prolonging things.


I think that's ultimately what's going to have to happen. I really care about this girl and she is admittedly my first true love, but I also don't think I can commit the rest of my life to her. Oddly enough, both of us have plenty of professional ambitions and life goals ahead of us, so there isn't as much pressure to settle down as you might think.

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