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re: Do you sabotage your own life?
Posted on 5/17/16 at 9:33 am to SlowFlowPro
Posted on 5/17/16 at 9:33 am to SlowFlowPro
quote:
no but i need to focus more on the present and not the future
We just bought a new children's book called "The Three Questions", based on a short story of the same name by Leo Tolstoy.
What's the right time?
Who is the right person?
What is the most important thing to do?
Answers: The most important time is now, the most important person is the one you are with, and the most important thing to do is good to the person you are with.
2
Posted on 5/17/16 at 9:39 am to uway
dealing with the present and fear is something i really need to work on
short of hitting rock bottom, i don't know how i'm going to do it
short of hitting rock bottom, i don't know how i'm going to do it
Posted on 5/17/16 at 9:54 am to SlowFlowPro
quote:
dealing with the present and fear is something i really need to work on
short of hitting rock bottom, i don't know how i'm going to do it
You've really put yourself out there on this site over the years or that's how it seems, at least. Do you do that in real life? The older I get the more I think that's the answer to most problems: putting yourself out there, embracing the fear and hurt as better than nothing, and just living more.
Posted on 5/17/16 at 9:55 am to uway
quote:now
What's the right time?
quote:me
Who is the right person?
quote:Be better than you
What is the most important thing to do?
Posted on 5/17/16 at 9:58 am to Hammertime
quote:
Be better than you
That's subjective, though I guess that's more a feature than a bug for cholerics.
This post was edited on 5/17/16 at 9:59 am
Posted on 5/17/16 at 10:00 am to SlowFlowPro
Leaving my job 7 months ago has caused a huge amount of fear and anxiety.
I'm in a position now where most people would say they "made it" career wise but it sucks and I've almost never been so miserable
I just want to sell everything and pay cash for a double wide somewhere in Texas and retire
I'm in a position now where most people would say they "made it" career wise but it sucks and I've almost never been so miserable
I just want to sell everything and pay cash for a double wide somewhere in Texas and retire
Posted on 5/17/16 at 10:03 am to Pilot Tiger
quote:
I just want to sell everything and pay cash for a double wide somewhere in Texas and retire
Sounds freaking way better than being miserable. The thing about taking a step back is that you know you have the talent to "make it" again if you want to.
We just bought a place in the country, and even though I've mostly lived in small towns and not cities, I'm still amazed by how peaceful it is out there.
Posted on 5/17/16 at 10:05 am to uway
quote:
You've really put yourself out there on this site over the years or that's how it seems, at least. Do you do that in real life?
i'm more reserved in real life b/c i "get it out" a lot on here (not just emotional stuff, but arguing, etc)
i do have these conversations with close friends, though. i did just last night
quote:
The older I get the more I think that's the answer to most problems: putting yourself out there, embracing the fear and hurt as better than nothing, and just living more.
oh i agree. i am just a big believer in social inertia and right now i'm at rest and every inch of me wants to do that. i've been in a bad place for about 6 months and i've recently made some job-related changes to try to get me out of that insanity, but now i may have to start over and that uncertainty scares me
Posted on 5/17/16 at 10:05 am to uway
I agree somewhat with being able to come back if I wanted to, but there's always that part of me that thinks I just faked my way to where I am.
I realize most adults just do the best they can and we all assume other people have it all figured out , but some days I'm just like how the hell did I get here? Lol
I realize most adults just do the best they can and we all assume other people have it all figured out , but some days I'm just like how the hell did I get here? Lol
Posted on 5/17/16 at 10:06 am to Pilot Tiger
quote:
I'm in a position now where most people would say they "made it" career wise but it sucks and I've almost never been so miserable
I just want to sell everything and pay cash for a double wide somewhere in Texas and retire
me too
you know what i thought of last week? developing a group counseling for people around our age in similar boats
at the least, it's a networking opportunity
Posted on 5/17/16 at 10:09 am to SlowFlowPro
that would be cool
Posted on 5/17/16 at 10:12 am to Pilot Tiger
we are in a very, very weird position
we are the first generation to know we're going to have a lower standard of living then our parents
we are a generation that knows we have to delay "normal socialization" like wife, kids, etc. that lives a very small window that people of our age are entering. we know we only have a little time left to take those steps and every day is another day lost
we are the generation that bridged the technology/internet explosion, so we know both lives
generation frustration
we are the first generation to know we're going to have a lower standard of living then our parents
we are a generation that knows we have to delay "normal socialization" like wife, kids, etc. that lives a very small window that people of our age are entering. we know we only have a little time left to take those steps and every day is another day lost
we are the generation that bridged the technology/internet explosion, so we know both lives
generation frustration
Posted on 5/17/16 at 10:18 am to SlowFlowPro
quote:
we are a generation that knows we have to delay "normal socialization" like wife, kids, etc. that lives a very small window that people of our age are entering. we know we only have a little time left to take those steps and every day is another day lost
Don't people often freely choose that, though?
I'm not trying to argue that my decision to get married relatively early and have kids is the "right" way, just don't know why people think they have to delay it. And I know it's out of many people's hands, I'm not trying to make light of that.
This post was edited on 5/17/16 at 10:19 am
Posted on 5/17/16 at 10:19 am to SlowFlowPro
exactly.
and a lot of "unlearning" and relearning of things.
I grew up being taught things that I took as universal truths and having to change the mindset is a challenge
and a lot of "unlearning" and relearning of things.
I grew up being taught things that I took as universal truths and having to change the mindset is a challenge
Posted on 5/17/16 at 10:21 am to uway
I use the word 'mindful" every day. And the word "humility".
When I was a kid I was mercilessly physically bullied by a big brother (rest his soul) while my parents did nothing. It gave me a weird psychological anger towards bullying. This made me a bit of an unnecessary "martyr" against it wherever I found it. I was unnecessarily hostile towards "authority" or up the chain. I would fight really big guys twice my size all the time in HS and college and challenge bullies at work. I didn't get a handle on it until well into my 30's.
That childhood shite can be real. I had to reassess my humble place in The Universe and be mindful and deliberative in my thoughts as well as actions. Once I refocused that anger, it's been the life I wanted. But until I was 35ish, I undermined my own success.
When I was a kid I was mercilessly physically bullied by a big brother (rest his soul) while my parents did nothing. It gave me a weird psychological anger towards bullying. This made me a bit of an unnecessary "martyr" against it wherever I found it. I was unnecessarily hostile towards "authority" or up the chain. I would fight really big guys twice my size all the time in HS and college and challenge bullies at work. I didn't get a handle on it until well into my 30's.
That childhood shite can be real. I had to reassess my humble place in The Universe and be mindful and deliberative in my thoughts as well as actions. Once I refocused that anger, it's been the life I wanted. But until I was 35ish, I undermined my own success.
Posted on 5/17/16 at 10:25 am to uway
quote:
Don't people often freely choose that, though?
oh yeah
the problem is if you figure out it's not your path after 30, you have to start over with the window closing. we can fix a lot of mistakes in life but we can't reclaim lost time (yet, at least). then you get into the whole "sunk cost" analysis that becomes very depressing
quote:
just don't know why people think they have to delay it
if you want to be an elite professional, you essentially have to. life becomes too expensive not to and you won't have time to spend with your kids. you have to get over that economic hump (if you have to maintain your work schedule, you have to be able to afford a stay at home wife which adds expense) to afford a life of family around your work
Posted on 5/17/16 at 10:26 am to genuineLSUtiger
quote:
Say it with confidence and they will believe anything, is my motto
Holy crap, I thought I had that trademarked
Posted on 5/17/16 at 10:26 am to Pilot Tiger
quote:
I grew up being taught things that I took as universal truths and having to change the mindset is a challenge
100%
that's the "fear" part
Posted on 5/17/16 at 10:55 am to SlowFlowPro
if you want, reach out on the book of face
Posted on 5/17/16 at 11:04 am to Lsupimp
quote:
When I was a kid I was mercilessly physically bullied by a big brother (rest his soul) while my parents did nothing. It gave me a weird psychological anger towards bullying. This made me a bit of an unnecessary "martyr" against it wherever I found it. I was unnecessarily hostile towards "authority" or up the chain. I would fight really big guys twice my size all the time in HS and college and challenge bullies at work. I didn't get a handle on it until well into my 30's
Thanks for sharing this. I had no brothers, and I've always thought it made me softer than I should be.
Now I have two boys, and the older one (by 2 years) kind of dominates the younger one. I tend to see it as toughening him up, but I appreciate the reminder not to let it turn into "bullying".
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