re: Divorce Experience

8 pages minimum.

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I (male) filed and merely want equal custody and not to be completely screwed financially. Just want to end things as easy as possible and not fight over things.

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Doesn't everyone? Good luck to you. If it were me I'd switch to text only conversation until everything is settled. Only converse about relevant topics. You two can't be friends, not right now.

Every aspect of my life improved after my divorce.

Ex wife was a soul sucking miserable frick.

Luckily, we both earn around the same amount so I pay pennies in child support. No spousal support.

Keeping the house was crucial. I paid her the equity in cash, which she had to use on a down payment to afford a similar house that was inflated in price due to the low interest rates and Covid construction supply issues for new construction. I get every dime of it back, when I sell one day, now that I own 100% of the home and its equity.

As long as you are not a neglecting father, you will get at least 50/50 custody. Ex wife gets our daughter permanently on Mondays and Tuesdays, I get her permanent on Wednesday and Thursdays, we rotate the weekends. Longest I go without having her is 5 days.

Neither one of us are domiciliary, so we are forced to come to an agreement on any major decisions.

During the community separation, I got reimbursed for countless expenses I made using funds from pre martial assets I sold. She never did anything like that because she has the maturity of a 17 year old so I really cleaned up.

She wanted to move to Alexandria, then St. Francisville, then Zachary. Courts told her to knock herself out, but our daughter wasn’t leaving the school system she’s been in. She settled for a place within minutes of mine on the other side of town.

The time away from your kid can be tough at first, but I have weaponized it. I am a better parent when my daughter is with me now. We travel and do everything within reason she wants. The break when she’s is with her mom gives me time to rest and reflect on what I want from life. Being a great Dad is consistently the answer I reach.

Your situation sounds different than mine, but just understand it gets better when the dust settles.

Life. Goes. On…

Depends on the state you are divorcing in and what assets you acquired during the marriage.

Name will check out soon enough.

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Alimoneydave

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Assuming LA you will have joint custody but mother will be primary custodial parent. Child support according to a formula. Spousal support, assuming she not at fault, potentially for many years.

If there is a new girlfriend, and there usually is if dad leaves small child without describing mother as some kind of psycho, you are about to become the third party in a war between mother and new Mrs. Wannabe.

Free advice. Keep kid away from girlfriend.

By the way, if you left a small child for new pussy, you deserve what is coming.

Your child does not.

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merely want equal custody and not to be completely screwed financially. Just want to end things as easy as possible and not fight over things.

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Brother, I don’t know anyone who’s had this type of experience in a divorce. I wish you luck.

it's pretty simple. you will get shared custody if you want it. you will either pay her half of the equity owned or sell and split. you will pay child support depending on the days the child is awarded to you vs. the amount that the both of you make. for instance, if you make 100k and she makes 50k, you'll pay her child support according to the formula. hell.....you can go online and figure it out using the calculator that's provided.

don't worry about infidelity as the judge is probably fricking 3 different women too.

Go to Dads Divoce Forumsand sign up so you can search through the posts to find info.

Read and print out THE LIST from the forums. It might be a bit dated in some aspects, but it's 99% of what you need to form a strategy on how to deal with this.

Close joint accounts (cards)

Start a journal. Detailed with how YOU spend time with the kids. (Cooking with/for them, playground visits, sports, school, etc) You have to be ready to show how you are a committed parent in raising them

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In family court, the average "Joe Six-Pack" has a 90% chance of losing. That's why your journal and witness list are of the utmost importance.

Here's another example. Risky? Hell yes! But the results are what counts.

Both Parties agreed, together with the judge, to allow the final custody decision to be handled by a custody evaluator. Dad's attorney was familiar with this evaluator and requested that she hear testimony. Stbx's attorney also agreed with the request.

The evaluator met with both attorneys prior to taking testimony. She strongly advised that the Parties settle ahead of time. (Note: This is why you never agree to binding mediation.)

At this critical moment, Dad's attorney revealed the existence of a detailed journal together with a substantial body of evidence. He suggested the Parties walk away with dignity and share custodybetween them. As a result, Dad's STBX agreed to sharing both physical and legal custody without the evaluator deciding for them.

Dad's guess is that his attorney had spooked his STBX in prior courtroom encounters. She gave up without a fight, certainly not because she wanted to. Of that, Dad is sure.

The lesson here is that Dad's attorney had taken the initiative to thoroughly study the journal well in advance. As a result, Dad's attorney was convinced that the journal would tip the balance in an occasion such as this.

Thus: a detailed journal + a good attorney + strategy = Victory

There was another dad that "bought" his STBX out. He got the house, the kids, and everything for $70K. Still another dad got out of paying alimony for a mere $11K. I realize this sounds like a lot all at once. But over time, it's a bargain. Remember, let your attorney handle the negotiating process.

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Do not leave the house unless ordered by a court

Stash cash. Every Every dollar in an account is worth 50 cents now until you guys are through. Expect that she is doing the same. "You now have been working towards paying with things "in cash" to prepare for potential bad credit as a result of the divorce.

Expect her and her lawyer to figure out your weaknesses and exploit them, even if it means lying or exaggerating. Anger, alcohol, drugs, smoking, etc. Have a plan to deal with these including examples of how mutual friends overcame these obstacles to be good parents.

Do not give her any money unless under a court order.

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"Cardinal Rule" No 1....... KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!! LOOSE LIPS SINK SHIPS!!

This is war. You must approach this as a top-secret military operation.

1) Thou shalt not raise any suspicions. DO NOT TELEGRAPH YOUR INTENTIONS.
a) Thou shalt not tell anyone what you're up to, ESPECIALLY YOUR STBX.
b) Thou shalt not share information with anyone about anything.
c) Thou shalt take care of business like nothing's going on.

2) Thou shalt not get side-tracked. This is "crunch time." Manage your time wisely.

3) Thou shalt maintain thy Poker Face. Get prepared for the long hall.

"Cardinal Rule" No 2....... NEVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN!! WATCH YOUR BACK!!

Have minimal contact with your STBX. NEVER be in a position where she can allege domestic violence of any kind. It's best not to be alone with her. Always have a witness with you.

1) Be very careful when you are alone with your STBX.
a) She can file false domestic violence charges "at will," and have you thrown in jail.
b) She can get a restraining order "at will," and have you kicked out of your house.

2) "Thou shalt ALWAYS bite the bullet." At the same, "Thou shalt ALWAYS be bulding thy case."
a) Thou shalt not argue. Thou shalt not fight. Thou shalt not provoke thy STBX.
b) Thou shalt go the extra mile to be civil. Thou shalt be Mr Nice Guy.

3) Never engage in any form of business with your ex, no matter how much the deal "appears" to be in your favor. It will be a trap you'll regret 'til your dying day. Remember, there ain't no free lunch. You can always expect a pay-back down the road.

"Cardinal Rule" No 3....... BE THE BEST DAD YOU CAN BE!! DO WHATEVER IT TAKES!!

1) Get involved with your kids as much as possible.
a) Assume the role of primary caretaker well in advance.
b) This'll set you up for primary, if not 50/50 shared primary custody. This is your goal. Never lose sight of that!!

2) Make everything you do in the best interest of your kids. Always go the extra mile.

Give your STBX a day off every week. "That's OK, Honey. I'll take care of this. Why don't you go shopping?" Take advantage to document parenting time, and snoop around when she's not home.

The following sites offer charts to document parenting time and other relavent issues. Use them to help plan what you need to do.

https://www.deltabravo.net/custody/index.html
https://www.parentingtime.net/
https://www.ChildCustodyCoach.com

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Good luck


ETA: frick every single family court judge that screws over good men from their kids and their hard earned money to some lazy, crazy woman.

Mine went as good as it could: I got the house, vehicle, dog, and mount 50/50 custody. And since mine is active duty, I’ll also get a little after tax monthly sum once she retires…

We pretty much were on the same page and did it out of court. She got caught fricking someone else and his wife sent me every pic from his phone. Military frowns severely upon adultery as JAG contacted me but that’s another story.

At first she tried to get nasty but my lawyer shut that shite down quick like. Today we are fairly amicable. For the kids, man.

Mine were itty bitty, but I was able to get 50/50 custody without a fight. And it's been as good as it can be for the most part. Luckily she wasn't trying to fight me or squeeze me for money and we went about it as best as we mutually could for the kids.

No lie, ended up costing me only Tree Fiddy. Lawyer was a family friend.

Do the best you can to reach an amicable settlement. It's far better for the kids. And not having to pay her a huge chunk on top every month makes that so much easier