Crcked.com has really turned to shite.

I used to start all my days reading the 3 or 4 articles the site puts out each day. They used to be rolling out some pretty hilarious stuff. Lately (at least the past 6 months to a year) it has pretty much just turned into a well designed SJW/hipster/idiot blog.

This particular article has pretty much stomped out any hope I had of the site returning to its former glory:

10 Cranival Foods invented by crazy people


Aside from the fact that none of the offerings listed are even very exotic, this clown had this to say about Bacon wrapped Porkbelly and chocolate coated Bacon:

quote:

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It was served on a stick, because that's as simple as they could make it, short of throwing it on the ground and telling us to scoop it up like the filthy animals we are. Man mastered sticks before we mastered not worshiping the sun as a cruel and unfeeling God. Biting into this porcine monstrosity felt like a reversion to those long-gone days.

Each bite tastes like you're devouring a pig farm. There's enough fat and grease to briefly sate Paula Deen.

Your childhood puppy's skin could have been used in a gimp suit, and it would have been a more dignified end to an animal. Each new bite tasted just a little worse than the last, even in the rare moments that a tiny oasis of actual meat was uncovered in the sea of grease. And dear lord, the grease. It gets all over your fingers, it coats your lips like a second skin, it seeps into your very pores, and no matter how much you wipe and scrape, it doesn't come off. It stays with you throughout the long day. It doesn't come off. It stays with you after your pitiful attempt at cleansing yourself in the shower. It doesn't come off. It stays with you at night, in your bed and in your dreams of pigs impaling men on sticks for their hubris.

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quote:

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Chocolaty, fatty, meaty, salty. It's all of them coming together awfully. Grease and chocolate do not mix. GREASE AND CHOCOLATE DO NOT MIX. It smells like a decade old ??? ??? closet ??? Left with a hollow taste. ??? ??? NOISE! ??? Each bite is regret. ??? Death? It's crumbling away! The chocolate ??? ??? ??? God ??? No ???"

That's where the English notes end and letters(?) that no language has ever used begin to ramble on for page after greasy page. In conclusion: The combination of fat, chocolate, meat, and grease wasn't very good, and also possibly summoned an ancient demon. We're still not entirely sure what transpired. We're still not entirely sure if we ever will be.

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All of these would be fighting words in my house.

I mean I think most people on this site would not only try both of these foods, but very much like them.


" my bacon wrapped foods are too greasy, anyone who eats bacon is a Neanderthal ... Am I being funny yet?"


Here's a picture of this metrosexual jackweed.





Dude also dogs on gator meat, deep fried veggies, and fried cheese on a stick if you were still doubting whether it's really that bad.