re: Are you closer with your family than your SO?

My family isn't really close. Long story short, I have a half brother and half sister, who are 10 & 11 years older than I. My mom had them in a previous marriage, but her husband left soon after my brother was born.

When she met my dad, he pretty much took them in as his own kids. When I was young, we were all close, but my brother and sister ended up going completely separate ways in life and grew apart quickly. When they were both out of the house, it was just me, but when my dad was in his late teens he was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. Instead of taking care of himself better, he smoked, drank and just kind of lived the wild life.

When I was in 6th or 7th grade he started to have health problems related to diabetes, when I was in HS he got worse and was constantly in and out of the hospital. He would go in for a few weeks at a time, come home a week or two then would end up in the hospital again for a few weeks. The year after I graduated HS he passed away. Soon after my mom started dating the guy she is married to now. He is the controlling type and he would try to "control" me.. I was 19, 20 years old at the time, but when I confronted him about it (he would tell my mom about things he didn't agree with what I was doing and expect her to address it. A few times she would tell me "________ thinks _________") it turned into a huge deal. My mom moved in with him, which I was happy about and for several years we didn't really talk.

While we were not extremely close, my brother and I were the closest out of everyone else so I was closer to my friends than my family. In fact, I considered (and still do) my friends more of a family than my family so for me, the whole "family comes first" thing doesn't apply. I wish I had a close family who enjoyed spending time with each other. Once you get married, your spouse becomes your primary family so I think there is nothing wrong with someone who puts their spouse over their parents.

Mommas boy

I think this is a really unhealthy way to look at it. She's gonna be there for you when and long after your parent's are gone. Your spouse becomes your family...if you still cling to your family more than him/her I really believe it shows either an unhealthy attachment or just afraid to commit to starting a new family with this person

Nah closer with my dad

It was my fault I worded my question very weird. Of course if one is in the wrong I'd choose the one in the right. I was asking if your wife hates your parents for a reason you really didn't agree with and your parents hates your wife for the same reason who would you choose

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It was my fault I worded my question very weird. Of course if one is in the wrong I'd choose the one in the right. I was asking if your wife hates your parents for a reason you really didn't agree with and your parents hates your wife for the same reason who would you choose

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I'd stay neutral....seriously.

I know you want an answer to be picked. Without directly answering, I'd say your wife comes first before everything, except your kids if you have kids.

Kids
Wife
Parents

In that order...but in the sense that you're asking, I'd tell them to figure it out and leave me out of it. And if they're both giving an ultimatum, I 100% honestly would either tell them no you choose, or I choose neither of you, if again, the reasons were truly neutral as you stated.

Absolutely. Once , years ago an amazing hottie made the comment that I talked to my mom too much , that men don't talk to their moms as much.
I talked to mom twice a day and brought plate lunches every Sunday after church. Her health wasn't the gretest her last 10 yrs. Well anyways she made that comment because I was there with lunches one Sunday and didn't answer because we were eating. That was it she was done

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Wife always comes first. You got this backwards, bro.

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Yep, and once you have kids and she then becomes the mother of your children, that is magnified even more.

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I feel like if you chose your spouse over your parents it shows you had a strained relationship in the past

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I hope you change your mind about this before you marry or you won't be married very long.

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I mean I'm just saying if my father needs some help around the house I'm gonna do that over a dinner with my gf and I hope she understands. If the roles were reversed if would help my gf too

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This leaves out so much information.

Are you saying you cancel plans with your girlfriend for a last minute request from your dad? If so, you're a shite boyfriend.

Are you saying your girlfriend wants you to cancel on your dad so y'all can go to dinner? If so, you have a shite girlfriend.

When you jump to answer the phone every time your parents call or immediately come running when they need you, you set a precedent for them. You send the message that they can bother you anytime no matter what to hang a photo or mow the lawn. That will destroy relationships.

As for parents vs. partner disagreeing with one another - I don't agree with those saying stay out of it and let them deal with it. Unless you're married to an awful person, you should always be on a united front with your spouse. Talk about it privately and come up with an agreement on the issue. Your spouse should never be fighting with your parents, nor should you with theirs. You deal with your own family, she deals with her own. Leaving your wife to fight a battle with your parents is a quick way to get your parents to hate her and find yourself completely miserable. Your parents, your problem. Her parents, her problem.