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re: An Oxford comma walks into a bar
Posted on 12/3/20 at 10:41 am to Street Hawk
Posted on 12/3/20 at 10:41 am to Street Hawk
A noun walks into a bar, looking for a perfect pronoun. After awhile, noun realizes picking a pronoun isn’t simple like she/him/hers/it used to be.
0
Posted on 12/3/20 at 10:43 am to Street Hawk
quote:
Malapropism
thread of these buried on an old Iowa board. Original thread was an English teacher named Matt Teach. He posted a bunch of the stupid shite his students would write. The one that got the ball rolling was a kid wrote “want-of-bees” in lieu of wannabes.
Here’s a list of them
top ten finishes were an abomination (rather than aberration)
All-timers/Old-timers disease
Another words
Bathing ground (rather than breeding ground)
Bone and find
Dating back to pro-magnum man
Escaped goat
Extra-century perception
Growing expotentially
Fire distinguisher
Flash in the pants
Following proto-call
For all intensive purposes
Fought through some diversity
French benefits
Full proof plan
Granite (instead of "granted...")
Half hazardously
I made a personal pack not to listen
I am complementing (not contemplating) moving there
Have in my position (not possession)
Have a head code
Heat sinking
I appreciate my animosity (not anonymity)
In sue
In your infant wisdom
It's a mute point
Lack toast and tolerant
Lacks motervation
Nip this in the butt
None the lease
One in the same
Out of bounce
Physical year
Pigment of imagination
Pre-Madonna
Pylon
Prostrate exam
Rule of thump
Sacramento lamb
Seated 3rd in the playoffs
See the old geysers pushing oxygen tanks
Setting a president
Spurn (meant "spur")
Stat sure
Swinging/hanging from the raptors
Sue aside
Talk is chief
Temper tandem
That’s be on me.
The lawyer disposed of the witness
The tenements of the major religions
The whole bowl of wax
The playing service
Up and adam/atom
Want of Bee (born 3/14/05)
Windshield temperature
With every fiber of my bean
Wolf in cheap clothing
Wrecking havoc
Rivals.com
Posted on 12/3/20 at 10:45 am to Giantkiller
This is awesome. 
Posted on 12/3/20 at 10:48 am to The Third Leg
I love seeing new malapropisms. Nice list 
quote:Bonus points when the malapropism indicates the opposite of the intended meaning
In your infant wisdom
This post was edited on 12/3/20 at 10:49 am
Posted on 12/3/20 at 10:49 am to Street Hawk
Those are pretty good nerd jokes OP. Props.
Posted on 12/3/20 at 11:18 am to Street Hawk
quote:
• Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”
Would make more sense if you said they walked outside of a bar.
Posted on 12/16/20 at 12:53 am to Street Hawk
Oxford commas are for smart people.
Posted on 12/16/20 at 1:11 am to Street Hawk
Not even sure how to vote this.
Posted on 12/16/20 at 1:15 am to Street Hawk
I’ll give you an upvote just because this is something different.
Posted on 12/16/20 at 1:30 am to The Third Leg
Posted on 12/16/20 at 1:59 am to Street Hawk
In my opinion, a missed opportunity to reference alliteration and onomatopoeia. Still got an upvote
Posted on 12/16/20 at 6:40 am to Street Hawk
Good stuff. A political joke for the O-T math majors:
An infinite number of mathematicians walks into a bar.
The first mathematician orders a beer
The second orders half a beer
"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies
"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2
"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks. "That's ridiculous."
"Oh c'mon" says mathematician #1 "do you know how hard it is to collect an infinite number of us? Just play along"
"There are very strict laws on how I can serve drinks. I couldn't serve you half a beer even if I wanted to."
"But that's not a problem" mathematician #3 chimes in "at the end of the joke you serve us a whole number of beers. You see, when you take the sum of a continuously halving function-"
"I know how limits work" interjects the bartender
"Oh, alright then. I didn't want to assume a bartender would be familiar with such advanced mathematics"
"Are you kidding me?" The bartender replies, "you learn limits in like, 9th grade! What kind of mathematician thinks limits are advanced mathematics?"
"HE'S ON TO US" mathematician #1 screeches
Simultaneously, every mathematician opens their mouth and out pours a cloud of multicolored mosquitoes. Each mathematician is bellowing insects of a different shade.
The mosquitoes form into a singular, polychromatic swarm. "FOOLS" it booms in unison, "I WILL INFECT EVERY BEING ON THIS PATHETIC PLANET WITH MALARIA"
The bartender stands fearless against the technicolor hoard. "But wait" he inturrupts, thinking fast, "if you do that, politicians will use the catastrophe as an excuse to implement free healthcare. Think of how much that will hurt the taxpayers!"
The mosquitoes fall silent for a brief moment. "My God, you're right. We didn't think about the economy! Very well, we will not attack this dimension. FOR THE TAXPAYERS!" and with that, they vanish.
A nearby barfly stumbles over to the bartender. "How did you know that that would work?"
"It's simple really" the bartender says. "I saw that the vectors formed a gradient, and therefore must be conservative."
An infinite number of mathematicians walks into a bar.
The first mathematician orders a beer
The second orders half a beer
"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies
"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2
"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks. "That's ridiculous."
"Oh c'mon" says mathematician #1 "do you know how hard it is to collect an infinite number of us? Just play along"
"There are very strict laws on how I can serve drinks. I couldn't serve you half a beer even if I wanted to."
"But that's not a problem" mathematician #3 chimes in "at the end of the joke you serve us a whole number of beers. You see, when you take the sum of a continuously halving function-"
"I know how limits work" interjects the bartender
"Oh, alright then. I didn't want to assume a bartender would be familiar with such advanced mathematics"
"Are you kidding me?" The bartender replies, "you learn limits in like, 9th grade! What kind of mathematician thinks limits are advanced mathematics?"
"HE'S ON TO US" mathematician #1 screeches
Simultaneously, every mathematician opens their mouth and out pours a cloud of multicolored mosquitoes. Each mathematician is bellowing insects of a different shade.
The mosquitoes form into a singular, polychromatic swarm. "FOOLS" it booms in unison, "I WILL INFECT EVERY BEING ON THIS PATHETIC PLANET WITH MALARIA"
The bartender stands fearless against the technicolor hoard. "But wait" he inturrupts, thinking fast, "if you do that, politicians will use the catastrophe as an excuse to implement free healthcare. Think of how much that will hurt the taxpayers!"
The mosquitoes fall silent for a brief moment. "My God, you're right. We didn't think about the economy! Very well, we will not attack this dimension. FOR THE TAXPAYERS!" and with that, they vanish.
A nearby barfly stumbles over to the bartender. "How did you know that that would work?"
"It's simple really" the bartender says. "I saw that the vectors formed a gradient, and therefore must be conservative."
Posted on 12/16/20 at 6:48 am to Street Hawk
quote:
An Oxford comma walks into a bar
Posted on 12/16/20 at 7:02 am to Street Hawk
This is great stuff
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