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An Oxford comma walks into a bar

Posted on 12/3/20 at 9:21 am
Posted by Street Hawk
Member since Nov 2014
3460 posts
Posted on 12/3/20 at 9:21 am
• An Oxford comma walks into a bar where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.
• A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.
• A bar was walked into by the passive voice.
• An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.
• Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”
• A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.
• Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.
• A question mark walks into a bar?
• A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.
• Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."
• A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.
• A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.
• Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.
• A synonym strolls into a tavern.
• At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.
• A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.
• Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.
• A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.
• An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.
• The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.
• A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned a man with a glass eye named Ralph.
• The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
• A dyslexic walks into a bra.
• A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.
• A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.
• A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.
• A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.
Posted by Giantkiller
the internet.
Member since Sep 2007
20349 posts
Posted on 12/3/20 at 9:22 am to
This is a nerd thread.
Posted by PrimetimeDaBoss
Swag City, USA
Member since Oct 2008
7144 posts
Posted on 12/3/20 at 9:22 am to
I read the first three.
Posted by Cdawg
TigerFred's Living Room
Member since Sep 2003
59526 posts
Posted on 12/3/20 at 9:23 am to
Well, it's better than that Gnome's jokes.
Posted by beerJeep
Louisiana
Member since Nov 2016
35044 posts
Posted on 12/3/20 at 9:24 am to
quote:

Two quotation marks walk into a “bar”.


Fify
Posted by LSUGolfman
Baton Rouge
Member since May 2019
182 posts
Posted on 12/3/20 at 9:27 am to
Nice work, Hawk
Posted by Sao
East Texas Piney Woods
Member since Jun 2009
65776 posts
Posted on 12/3/20 at 9:35 am to
quote:

Well, it's better than that Gnome's jokes.


Go big or go Gnome I always say.
Posted by BiggerBear
Redbone Country
Member since Sep 2011
2923 posts
Posted on 12/3/20 at 9:35 am to
A panda walks into a bar. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air. "Why? Why are you behaving in this strange, un-panda-like fashion?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda walks towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.

"I'm a panda," he says, at the door. "Look it up."

The waiter turns to the relevant entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation.

"Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves."
Posted by NakaTrash
Texas Hill Country
Member since Dec 2013
6139 posts
Posted on 12/3/20 at 9:44 am to
quote:

BiggerBear


Joke checks out
Posted by VolsOut4Harambe
Atlanta, GA
Member since Sep 2017
12856 posts
Posted on 12/3/20 at 9:49 am to
A gender-fluid pronoun walks into a bar, and orders themself a drink.
Posted by nugget
Mostly Peaceful Poster
Member since Dec 2009
13816 posts
Posted on 12/3/20 at 9:55 am to
quote:

the chiasmus


What is a chiasmus?
Posted by Sasquatch Smash
Member since Nov 2007
24034 posts
Posted on 12/3/20 at 10:14 am to
Fun with English!
Posted by jimbeam
University of LSU
Member since Oct 2011
75703 posts
Posted on 12/3/20 at 10:15 am to
quote:

A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.
Posted by When in Rome
Telegraph Road
Member since Jan 2011
35543 posts
Posted on 12/3/20 at 10:17 am to
quote:

A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.
I think this one made me laugh the most

And this one
quote:

A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.
This post was edited on 12/3/20 at 10:21 am
Posted by Eat Your Crow
caught beneath the landslide
Member since May 2017
9190 posts
Posted on 12/3/20 at 10:17 am to
Bookmarked this thread for when I turn 70.
Posted by When in Rome
Telegraph Road
Member since Jan 2011
35543 posts
Posted on 12/3/20 at 10:18 am to
OP deserves upvotes and upvotes alone.
Posted by LSUtoBOOT
Member since Aug 2012
12437 posts
Posted on 12/3/20 at 10:22 am to
English was never my strong suit, and I’ve slaughtered the king's as much as any other high school dropout, but I laughed.
Posted by 9001
Pools closed
Member since Jul 2017
2087 posts
Posted on 12/3/20 at 10:29 am to
Who gives a frick about an Oxford comma?
Posted by LSUtoBOOT
Member since Aug 2012
12437 posts
Posted on 12/3/20 at 10:30 am to
quote:

quote: Two quotation marks walk into a “bar”.

Fify


Sorry Jeep, the Hawk was correct, unless you are implying that between the two quotation marks, neither had a period.
Posted by BlackAdam
Member since Jan 2016
6455 posts
Posted on 12/3/20 at 10:35 am to
Don't personify inanimate objects. They hate when you do that.
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