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Message
re: How does a basic prenuptial agreement work?
Posted on 4/25/16 at 7:08 pm to Tigerfan56
Posted on 4/25/16 at 7:08 pm to Tigerfan56
Frankly, if you and your $50k net worth at 25 asked me for a prenup (assuming she's about the same age), I'd tell,you to pound sand. i say this as a long married person who maintains separate bank accounts...but I can't imagine marrying someone at your age with so little who nevertheless feels the need to have a prenup. What if she gets a killer job, are you going to be comfortable when she gets some windfall (stock options, a big bonus, etc) and she squirrels it all away and won't spend a dime of it on the house since its in your name only? Either you're in it together, or you're not. I suggest living together for a while...see if you're on the same page financially, or what it will take to get you on the same page financially. You might be able to skip the prenup and starter marriage completely if things don't work out.
I know nothing about IL law, but in LA, you can opt out of a community property regime....this is a common enough arrangement with second or third marriages of older folks who have many assets and complicated financial circumstances (businesses, adult children with inheritance expectations, property jointly owned/inherited with siblings).
I know nothing about IL law, but in LA, you can opt out of a community property regime....this is a common enough arrangement with second or third marriages of older folks who have many assets and complicated financial circumstances (businesses, adult children with inheritance expectations, property jointly owned/inherited with siblings).
1
Posted on 4/25/16 at 9:34 pm to hungryone
If this is on your mind....
... Save some future time and get a prenup attorney who is also a killer divorce attorney.
Also... $50K ain't shite.
... Save some future time and get a prenup attorney who is also a killer divorce attorney.
Also... $50K ain't shite.
Posted on 4/25/16 at 9:37 pm to Tigerfan56
Do it before you give her the ring!
Also, your gf will need to get her own lawyer to look at it. You cannot have one lawyer consult for both parties.
If you gf just goes and signs it, chances are a judge will toss it later if you have to use it. Make sure her own lawyer signs off on it.
Also, your gf will need to get her own lawyer to look at it. You cannot have one lawyer consult for both parties.
If you gf just goes and signs it, chances are a judge will toss it later if you have to use it. Make sure her own lawyer signs off on it.
Posted on 4/26/16 at 8:09 am to crazycubes
Appreciate the advice and knowledge everyone. Not sure why some of you felt the need to go out of your way to belittle what I have, I was very up front that I didn't have a lot but nevertheless wanted to know if it would be worth it. Other than that, much appreciated. 
Posted on 4/26/16 at 8:26 am to Tigerfan56
quote:
Not sure why some of you felt the need to go out of your way to belittle what I have
I didn't take it as them belittling you. I took it as them telling you that a prenup is likely not worth your time and the expense and the headache it will likely cause. Getting engaged and married is supposed to be a happy time, and mucking that up over peanuts (relatively speaking) doesn't seem like a great idea.
Posted on 4/26/16 at 9:57 am to Tigerfan56
quote:
Not sure why some of you felt the need to go out of your way to belittle what I have, I was very up front that I didn't have a lot but nevertheless wanted to know if it would be worth it.
You pointed out that you have something and she has nothing....but student loan debt. You're already "keeping score" in ways that will quickly corrode a marriage/partnership. You've got one foot out the door before you've even tied the knot. Like I said earlier, think long and hard about why you feel reluctance or trepidation about sharing everything with her 100%.
Posted on 4/26/16 at 10:12 am to Tigerfan56
quote:
Tigerfan56
quote:
Appreciate the advice and knowledge everyone.
Actually, you don't.
quote:
Not sure why some of you felt the need to go out of your way to belittle what I have.
They're not belittling what you have. They're belittling both what you think of it and what you think of your spouse to be. It's off-putting and think of it this way...If your daughter was in her final year of Nursing School or getting her Teaching cert and had only student loans and a part-time job and was marrying a homeowner what had evidently about 3 years worth of retirement in a 401(k) and a car worth less than $10K acting like he was Sumner Redstone asking for financial advice about how to protect himself from your daughter in the event they didn't work out, how would you feel?
Seriously...I know you're young but try your best to divorce yourself (from this situation, brah) and look at it from the other angle.
Why do you feel like you need to protect so little? Do you know how easy it is to get a $10K car? Or to fund your 401(k) to make up what you've lost at your young age if it does go South? Or to buy another home?
So again...use some perspective here. You are confusing people making value judgements about your possessions when they are actually making value judgements about you as a person and your relative level of maturity.
What you will build with your wife is going to be worth far more-both from a tangible and intangible standpoint-that trying to "protect," a starter home, a POS car and a couple G's in a 401(k) that you should be way more worried about the employer or the markets going belly up and taking is silly.
You have an overinflated sense of your asset's importance, and at the same time, a truly underdeveloped sense of how much more vastly important your wife will be to the Matrimonial regime.
My LLC will be 51% controlled by my wife. My life insurance policy? She is the sole beneficiary. Same for my pension. Same for my office-life insurance policy. My checking and savings? Joint. My home? She's on the mortgage and title.
She needs to be your partner. Not someone you protect yourself from.
Wise up, Youngster. You're overthinking life wayyyyy too early.
Posted on 4/26/16 at 10:15 am to GFunk
quote:
She needs to be your partner. Not someone you protect yourself from.
Oooh, snap. This x1000.
Posted on 4/26/16 at 11:17 am to Tigerfan56
quote:
Appreciate the advice and knowledge everyone. Not sure why some of you felt the need to go out of your way to belittle what I have, I was very up front that I didn't have a lot but nevertheless wanted to know if it would be worth it. Other than that, much appreciated.
My thoughts are that you and probably her will both earn millions of dollars over your working lives (20 years @ $50k/year = $1 mil) that trying to protect what you have earned ($50k) is more trouble than it is worth. I will be getting a pre-nup with the eventual Mrs. Sanders but the only thing that will be on it is what has been passed down from my grandfathers and my dad, and what she has been passed down from her family. To ME if I am truly going to try to make my marriage work I have to be willing to risk everything.
Posted on 4/26/16 at 11:22 am to JamalSanders
quote:
the only thing that will be on it is what has been passed down from my grandfathers and my dad, and what she has been passed down from her family.
In Louisiana, inheritance is not part of community property. So you don't need a prenup to keep it separate, even if said inheritance comes after the marriage.
Posted on 4/26/16 at 11:24 am to hungryone
quote:
quote:
the only thing that will be on it is what has been passed down from my grandfathers and my dad, and what she has been passed down from her family.
In Louisiana, inheritance is not part of community property. So you don't need a prenup to keep it separate, even if said inheritance comes after the marriage.
I'm in Alabama, and we probably have similar laws, but it will be something I will look into when the time comes.
Posted on 4/26/16 at 12:00 pm to hungryone
quote:
So you don't need a prenup to keep it separate, even if said inheritance comes after the marriage.
In other states you need to make sure you keep inheritance $/property separate, too
Posted on 4/26/16 at 12:06 pm to GFunk
quote:
They're not belittling what you have. They're belittling both what you think of it and what you think of your spouse to be. It's off-putting and think of it this way...If your daughter was in her final year of Nursing School or getting her Teaching cert and had only student loans and a part-time job and was marrying a homeowner what had evidently about 3 years worth of retirement in a 401(k) and a car worth less than $10K acting like he was Sumner Redstone asking for financial advice about how to protect himself from your daughter in the event they didn't work out, how would you feel?
Seriously...I know you're young but try your best to divorce yourself (from this situation, brah) and look at it from the other angle.
Why do you feel like you need to protect so little? Do you know how easy it is to get a $10K car? Or to fund your 401(k) to make up what you've lost at your young age if it does go South? Or to buy another home?
So again...use some perspective here. You are confusing people making value judgements about your possessions when they are actually making value judgements about you as a person and your relative level of maturity.
What you will build with your wife is going to be worth far more-both from a tangible and intangible standpoint-that trying to "protect," a starter home, a POS car and a couple G's in a 401(k) that you should be way more worried about the employer or the markets going belly up and taking is silly.
You have an overinflated sense of your asset's importance, and at the same time, a truly underdeveloped sense of how much more vastly important your wife will be to the Matrimonial regime.
My LLC will be 51% controlled by my wife. My life insurance policy? She is the sole beneficiary. Same for my pension. Same for my office-life insurance policy. My checking and savings? Joint. My home? She's on the mortgage and title.
She needs to be your partner. Not someone you protect yourself from.
Wise up, Youngster. You're overthinking life wayyyyy too early.
Preach.
Posted on 4/26/16 at 12:24 pm to GFunk
quote:
GFunk
Well said. I didn't mean to come off as arrogant and thinking I have all these important assets. But to me it is a lot, and I realize that's because I lack perspective and long term. I know it's a bad way to think about things ending before they start, but that's just my nature- I'm always thinking about the worst case scenario and planning for that. My views of a prenuptial agreement were very off. I've just grown up hearing horror stories about starting over after a divorce and the ex taking everything. I don't have one foot out the door, although it may seem like that, I just run through every possible scenario
Posted on 4/26/16 at 12:55 pm to Tigerfan56
I agree with most of the sentiment here.
I do have a pretty strong prenup in place. But in my defense, it was well worth having one not only to protect myself but also my existing children and their interest. It basically states that what we took into the marriage is ours when we leave. I already owned the house we live in, a couple cars, etc.. The other thing I was advised to do was in how to structure our accounts. We have a joint but we both also maintain an individual. My individual pays all the bills for both of us. This way no mingled funds are ever responsible for paying any cars or mortgage so there would be no grounds to contest if we ever got divorced. On the other hand it does protect her in the event we get divorced, I can't get spiteful and backcharge her rent or take her car, etc. This is both our second marriage so it was no big deal to either of us and she wanted it in place as much as I did.
Also it cost me about 2500 but that was with my already existing estate/tax attorney so I'm not sure if he cut me a deal or not.
I do have a pretty strong prenup in place. But in my defense, it was well worth having one not only to protect myself but also my existing children and their interest. It basically states that what we took into the marriage is ours when we leave. I already owned the house we live in, a couple cars, etc.. The other thing I was advised to do was in how to structure our accounts. We have a joint but we both also maintain an individual. My individual pays all the bills for both of us. This way no mingled funds are ever responsible for paying any cars or mortgage so there would be no grounds to contest if we ever got divorced. On the other hand it does protect her in the event we get divorced, I can't get spiteful and backcharge her rent or take her car, etc. This is both our second marriage so it was no big deal to either of us and she wanted it in place as much as I did.
Also it cost me about 2500 but that was with my already existing estate/tax attorney so I'm not sure if he cut me a deal or not.
This post was edited on 4/26/16 at 12:58 pm
Posted on 4/26/16 at 1:21 pm to LSUStjames
I just came to echo what everyone else said.
No chance its worth having the discussion, not even a little bit.
AND, if you are worrying about protecting yourself from her, you may want to rethink the proposal thing.
Also, would the ring be listed as her asset or yours? Is it a gift or part of the contract?
No chance its worth having the discussion, not even a little bit.
AND, if you are worrying about protecting yourself from her, you may want to rethink the proposal thing.
Also, would the ring be listed as her asset or yours? Is it a gift or part of the contract?
Posted on 4/26/16 at 1:41 pm to Tigerfan56
quote:
How does a basic prenuptial agreement work?
"And that's when the fight started......"
Posted on 4/26/16 at 2:05 pm to Tigerfan56
50K is not worth a prenup. But honest communication is a necessity.
When my wife proposed to me 20 years ago my net worth was about 200K ... her net worth was zero. We had an honest conversation.
Me: "If you want to get married our finances are going to be separated until you can show me that you're capable of saving money and paying off your debts in the next 2 years.
She agreed. We got married and did not co-mingle finances. She paid off her debts in 1 year. I was amazed. We combined finances and have never had another problem since.
When my wife proposed to me 20 years ago my net worth was about 200K ... her net worth was zero. We had an honest conversation.
Me: "If you want to get married our finances are going to be separated until you can show me that you're capable of saving money and paying off your debts in the next 2 years.
She agreed. We got married and did not co-mingle finances. She paid off her debts in 1 year. I was amazed. We combined finances and have never had another problem since.
Posted on 4/26/16 at 2:20 pm to Tigerfan56
quote:
Tigerfan56
quote:
Well said. I didn't mean to come off as arrogant and thinking I have all these important assets. But to me it is a lot, and I realize that's because I lack perspective and long term. I know it's a bad way to think about things ending before they start, but that's just my nature- I'm always thinking about the worst case scenario and planning for that. My views of a prenuptial agreement were very off. I've just grown up hearing horror stories about starting over after a divorce and the ex taking everything. I don't have one foot out the door, although it may seem like that, I just run through every possible scenario
One of the things I think sometimes gets kids-and I don't mean that derisively-defensive when they come to ask for advice here is because they oftentimes get the Money Talk equivalent of a Rolling Stone lyric...
You can't always get what you want/
But if you try sometimes you might find/
You get what you need
Nobody's dogging you for being a thinker, a worrier, or a planner. Those are admirable qualities and they probably have helped put you in an enviable financial position compared to other kids your age.
The horror stories you grew up hearing had more to do with either men who were sh!tty husbands or broads who were floozies and not wives. They're also stories told by those folks who are more than likely much older than you are. Who had things like boats, cars, cash and kids tied up in a divorce.
In order to get where they are, you'll have to go down a path with 3,578 steps. In order. Right now? You're somewhere between step 2 or 3.
Choose your mate wisely. Give her the keys to the castle. Without trust it's over before it starts. Approaching her like that is a huge signal on your end that you don't trust her at all.
If you still feel cautious, it may be time to examine the relationship and the decision you're about to make.
This post was edited on 4/26/16 at 2:22 pm
Posted on 4/26/16 at 8:09 pm to Tigerfan56
quote:
prenups
Get one: plan on using it
Don't get one: less likely to need it
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