I had the opportunity to see Penn State in person earlier in 2009

On a blustery afternoon, with the wind whistling through the deserted bleachers of Ryan Field, I witnessed Penn State struggle for three quarters against mighty Northwestern (my other alma mater - one whose football fortunes interest me not the least). Seating arrangements were fluid due to low attendance and I ended up perched no more than ten feet from the turf itself. I got a close look at the vaunted Nittany Lions. If I recall correctly, the game was tied 13-13 going into the fourth quarter. And this after Northwestern's starting QB (Kafka) went out with an injury in the second quarter. Penn State won with a 21 point "explosion" in the fourth quarter, but they were not an impressive squad.

I traveled from Chicago to watch LSU play six games this season (ULL, UGA, FLORIDA, BAMA, OLE MISS, ARK). I beheld the ferocious Alabama defense, the granite will of Tim Tebow, the cunning speed of McCluster, the acrobatic grace of AJ Green, the dizzying formations of Arkansas.

Penn State does not compare. When their defense runs to the ball, it looks like a bucket full of old fashioned wooden blocks sent tumbling across a green shag carpet by a clumsy toddler circa 1967. Their blank uniforms resemble the soiled tighty-whitey's of an incontinent old man. The PSU linebackers and secondary were slow in coverage, so slow that I mistook them for stationary scarecrows stuffed into oversized white dressing gowns from the late nineteenth century. I think Kafka was 14-18 before his injury. When your defense gets shredded by a long dead absurdist author with a fatal case of consumption, you know you are in trouble.

On that day in Evanston, the PSU wide receivers appeared to be suffering from an acute, fleeting form of multiple schlerosis. They flopped out of their cuts like wounded geese recently sprayed by shot. Meanwhile, Clark is certainly an athletic, fine QB, but his prowess is somewhat exaggerated by the fact that he plays alongside three fowl, two concrete pylons, four contestants from The Biggest Loser, one tottering Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon, and a rusty fence. And Royster is a nice Big Ten running back. He had a seventy yard TD run. It was reminscent of certain grainy film reel footage featuring running backs from the 1930's rumbling downfield in twenty seconds flat. I wanted to trot out, hand him a leather helmet, offer a few reassuring words about the Great Depression, and tell him to knock those damn Nazi Krauts dead. Trust me, I had time. For a moment when he was near the fifteen, I thought that I had accidently sat on the remote control and paused the DVR. Then I remembered that I was watching it live. Oops.

To their credit, the PSU fans were fun, though.

In any event, I'm sure the Capital One Bowl will be a close, hard fought game between two proud opponents:

LSU 157
Penn State 6