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re: How to politely tell a neighbor you're done helping them

Posted on 5/31/22 at 10:39 am to
Posted by TigersSEC2010
Warren, Michigan
Member since Jan 2010
37380 posts
Posted on 5/31/22 at 10:39 am to
He can't even put knobs on cabinets?
Posted by wrlakers
Member since Sep 2007
5748 posts
Posted on 5/31/22 at 12:52 pm to
quote:

He can't even put knobs on cabinets?


This was my thought.

Now, to OP, I would not lie to the guy or make up excuses. If it was me, I'd say, Dude, you're working up a pretty big tab, and besides, you have to start learning to do this stuff on your own (half laughing as I say it).

Some people are in the habit of using others to the point that they don't realize that it's bad. Assume that and put you foot down in a nice way.
Posted by Abraham H Parnassis
Member since Jul 2020
2555 posts
Posted on 5/31/22 at 2:03 pm to
quote:

Well, I get a text from him today letting me know he would be home at 4:30. Not a text asking for assistance, just when they would be home


That dude is punking you down. No doubt about it.
Posted by 3nOut
Central Texas, TX
Member since Jan 2013
29053 posts
Posted on 5/31/22 at 2:11 pm to
quote:

He can't even put knobs on cabinets?


I pondered about this more and it’s more humiliating every time I think about it.

I’ve definitely had help from car guys, but I also went and bought the parts needed to work on my cars before he got there. Early in my marriage, my dad and FiL helped me with plumbing when I didn’t know much. But I also bought the equipment and have used it since.

It’s kinda like moving… once you’re past 35, stop buying pizza and beer for your friends to help move. Do it yourself or pay a professional.
Posted by JDPndahizzy
JDP
Member since Nov 2013
6458 posts
Posted on 5/31/22 at 2:18 pm to
quote:

Sounds like the guy is a plug to me


Or way smarter than the OP
Posted by choppadocta
Louisiana
Member since May 2014
1876 posts
Posted on 5/31/22 at 2:29 pm to
quote:

installed ceiling fans and light fixtures,


Are you a licensed electrician? Insured and bonded? No? well then you are opening yourself up to liability issues if something goes wrong with his light fixture or ceiling fan.

I know its an easy job and you're trying to be nice, but nice wont keep your name off the lawsuit. I'm an aircraft mechanic...pretty handy with tools and electricity and stuff, but I wont go do electrical work for anyone, for fear of litigation.
Posted by eatpie
Kentucky
Member since Aug 2018
1151 posts
Posted on 5/31/22 at 2:43 pm to
Does neighbor have skills/connections you can benefit from?

Bartering skills/assets is honorable and reasonable

quote:

His wife is pregnant


Congrats. Could this be why the relationship has become untenable?
Posted by CootKilla
In a beer can/All dog's nightmares
Member since Jul 2007
5925 posts
Posted on 5/31/22 at 2:59 pm to
quote:

I get a text from him today letting me know he would be home at 4:30.


Next time, be waiting at his house for him to get home while drinking his beer and sniffing on his wife's panties.
Posted by Earnest_P
Member since Aug 2021
3576 posts
Posted on 5/31/22 at 3:32 pm to
Send him a bill for services rendered.

quote:

How do I politely tell them my days of their free handyman are over without ruining the friendship?

Oh
Posted by alphaandomega
Tuscaloosa
Member since Aug 2012
13663 posts
Posted on 5/31/22 at 3:36 pm to
Tell him to watch a youtube video of whatever he is incapable of doing.

I have done numerous things from watching a youtube video.
Posted by gumbo2176
Member since May 2018
15300 posts
Posted on 5/31/22 at 3:49 pm to
Ask your wife to loan you your spine she has in her purse. Then march over to the next door neighbor and tell him in plain language that the free work is over.

I truly don't understand how people let themselves be taken advantage of over and over again. And it's not like I've never helped people out, because I have, and I do, but I will not let it be taken for granted that my services are available every time something is needing to be done.
Posted by Abraham H Parnassis
Member since Jul 2020
2555 posts
Posted on 5/31/22 at 4:00 pm to
quote:

I truly don't understand how people let themselves be taken advantage of over and over again.
OP is probably a people-pleaser and the neighbor is more than happy to continue to abuse that trait.

I think it's evidenced by the title of this thread - "How to politely tell a neighbor you're done helping them".

You just say it. You don't need a gameplan from a bunch of internet strangers. There's no secret recipe. You just say "no".
Posted by MiaTigah
New Orleans
Member since Jun 2009
447 posts
Posted on 5/31/22 at 5:08 pm to
(no message)
Posted by Royalfisher
Member since May 2022
459 posts
Posted on 5/31/22 at 6:16 pm to
One of the things I’ve learned in 70 yrs is that you get criticized and hated more when you help someone who needs help repeatedly and then you stop than you get from the same person if you never helped them at all. South LA is the exception. But it’s usually a few requests for help here and weather or oilfield related and it’s returned. Not a continuing need for help.
Posted by Twenty 49
Shreveport
Member since Jun 2014
18855 posts
Posted on 5/31/22 at 6:31 pm to
Help someone once, and it's a favor. Help them twice, and they think it's your job for life.
Posted by Rohan Gravy
New Orleans
Member since Jan 2017
18025 posts
Posted on 5/31/22 at 7:06 pm to
Correct answer.


Or present him with an outrageous bill next time and tell him you can’t do anything else till he pays up.
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