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Started By
Message
How to politely tell a neighbor you're done helping them
Posted on 5/28/22 at 7:41 pm
Posted on 5/28/22 at 7:41 pm
Long story short, we've got neighbors that moved to Hill Country almost 3 years ago. The husband doesn't know how to do anything electrical or mechanical.
In the last year I've put in knobs on all their kitchen and bathroom cabinets, hanged multiple televisions, put together their outdoor furniture and fireplace, put together a new bed frame, installed ceiling fans and light fixtures, watched their two huge dogs for weeks at a time, etc.
I've been as neighborly as I possibly could, yet this weekend has got me to my breaking point. His wife is pregnant so she doesn't want to use the neighborhood pool so he bought a 14 foot one to put on his concrete slab so she can enjoy the water this summer. I helped him put everything together except the pump and told him to let me know if he needs help.
Well, I get a text from him today letting me know he would be home at 4:30. Not a text asking for assistance, just when they would be home. I went over and helped as I always do, but my patience is wearing thin.
I've got three kids of my own and I'm tired of helping them out at every turn. How do I politely tell them my days of their free handyman are over without ruining the friendship?
In the last year I've put in knobs on all their kitchen and bathroom cabinets, hanged multiple televisions, put together their outdoor furniture and fireplace, put together a new bed frame, installed ceiling fans and light fixtures, watched their two huge dogs for weeks at a time, etc.
I've been as neighborly as I possibly could, yet this weekend has got me to my breaking point. His wife is pregnant so she doesn't want to use the neighborhood pool so he bought a 14 foot one to put on his concrete slab so she can enjoy the water this summer. I helped him put everything together except the pump and told him to let me know if he needs help.
Well, I get a text from him today letting me know he would be home at 4:30. Not a text asking for assistance, just when they would be home. I went over and helped as I always do, but my patience is wearing thin.
I've got three kids of my own and I'm tired of helping them out at every turn. How do I politely tell them my days of their free handyman are over without ruining the friendship?
38
Posted on 5/28/22 at 7:45 pm to TideSaint
quote:
and told him to let me know if he needs help.
Quit offering to help.
Posted on 5/28/22 at 7:51 pm to TideSaint
Feign diarrhea.
Posted on 5/28/22 at 7:53 pm to TideSaint
quote:
I helped him put everything together except the pump and told him to let me know if he needs help.
quote:
I get a text from him today letting me know he would be home at 4:30
That’s just good communication on their part.
This post was edited on 5/28/22 at 7:54 pm
Posted on 5/28/22 at 8:17 pm to TideSaint
I do the same for my adult kids. But they're family.
I'd just let them know you're busy, tired, or not interested.
Givers have to set limits because takers rarely do. – Henry Ford
I'd just let them know you're busy, tired, or not interested.
Givers have to set limits because takers rarely do. – Henry Ford
Posted on 5/28/22 at 8:19 pm to TideSaint
quote:
How do I politely tell them my days of their free handyman are over without ruining the friendship?
You don't have a friendship. You are being used.
Posted on 5/28/22 at 8:20 pm to tiggerfan02 2021
"You don't have a friendship. You are being used."
--
Well if he stops being their handyman, we'll see if the friendship persists.
--
Well if he stops being their handyman, we'll see if the friendship persists.
Posted on 5/28/22 at 8:26 pm to TideSaint
quote:
How do I politely tell them my days of their free handyman are over without ruining the friendship?
"Look dude, I have a family. You've been mooching for years and you haven't learned shite. Figure it out yourself."
If he's really a friend than no way that would ruin a friendship.
You shouldn't be doing anything for him. He should be trying himself and learning. If he's such a lazy no count frick that he will just watch some other dude do work on his house for him for free, frick him. He ain't worth having as a friend.
I'm not God's gift to hospitality by anybodys definition, but there's no way in frick I would a friend come do work on my house without me doing the grunt work and them drinking beer and teaching.
This post was edited on 5/28/22 at 8:29 pm
Posted on 5/28/22 at 8:29 pm to DownshiftAndFloorIt
quote:
"Look dude, I have a family. You've been mooching for years and you haven't learned shite. Figure it out yourself."
Yeah, don’t do this.
Posted on 5/28/22 at 8:37 pm to TideSaint
Text him a task rabbit link...
Posted on 5/28/22 at 8:38 pm to TideSaint
What do you get out of the relationship?
For example, I help my older neighbors out with projects fairly often but they constantly bring over food, baked goods, call and ask if we need things from the store, etc.
For example, I help my older neighbors out with projects fairly often but they constantly bring over food, baked goods, call and ask if we need things from the store, etc.
This post was edited on 5/28/22 at 8:39 pm
Posted on 5/28/22 at 8:43 pm to JAMAC2001
Posted on 5/28/22 at 8:47 pm to JAMAC2001
or of course the old tried and true method of domination by means of climbing in the pool with his wife wearing speedos.
Posted on 5/28/22 at 8:55 pm to TideSaint
Tell him you are thinking of starting a handy man business on the side and ask what he thinks a good hourly rate would be
Posted on 5/28/22 at 9:08 pm to TideSaint
quote:I don’t think you have to do anything harsh or rude (yet). You just need to be prepared to beg off the next 10 or 12 times he is in need, and not with any elaborate excuses.
How do I politely tell them my days of their free handyman are over without ruining the friendship?
“Oh, sorry, I promised the kids I’d spend time with them.”
“Working on the ‘honey do list.”
“Dude, so sorry, I am really tired.”
“Hey, I’ve got plans. Another time.”
“Saturday night? Sorry, I have to wash my hair.”
Posted on 5/28/22 at 9:14 pm to poochie
Why not? Sounds like the guy is a plug to me. OP aint getting anything out of this.
Posted on 5/28/22 at 9:55 pm to DownshiftAndFloorIt
Tough to do that politely since you've already, to your credit, done so much. I'd quit volunteering and see how that works.
Posted on 5/28/22 at 9:55 pm to TideSaint
Just stop doing things for him. If he’s not taking it upon himself to learn anything while you’re doing all of this then he’s useless.
Posted on 5/28/22 at 10:26 pm to TideSaint
Is he handicap? If not, tell him to
Get on YouTube next time he realizes he isn’t man enough to do something.
Get on YouTube next time he realizes he isn’t man enough to do something.
Posted on 5/28/22 at 11:03 pm to TideSaint
quote:
How do I politely tell them my days of their free handyman are over
Quit doing this
quote:
told him to let me know if he needs help.
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