David Chang Hates Fancy Beer

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Beer snobs are the worst of the bunch. You know the old joke about cheap beer being like having sex in a canoe? I will take a beer that's "fricking near water" every night of the week over combing out my neck beard while arguing about hop varieties.

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See, when a waiter asks me what I want to drink, I respond, "What is your lightest, crappiest beer?" I'm very direct about my preference. But sometimes they think I'm being a jokey frat guy and don't take me seriously. Or the sommelier worries that I'm turning up my nose at his wine list. The worst is when some dude starts to suggest a handcrafted lambic and I have to clarify my position.

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I'm not saying that those beers don't taste good. They do! And there's a time and place for imperial stouts and barrel-aged saisons. (I have seen the sunrise from the bar at Mikkeller, okay, guys?) But 95 percent of the time, I don't want something that tastes delicious. I want a Bud Light. I am not being falsely contrarian or ironic in a hipsterish way. This is something that I genuinely feel: I do not want a tasty beer.

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C'mon man, give it a rest. You want us off your lawn?

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It's not the fancy beer you don't like. You don't like us, your people. You have a "tenuous relationship with the Epicurean snob set?" You are the epicurean snob set! I've seen you with champagne in one hand and a Noma lamb leg in the other, chatting up celebrities. Why you frontin'? You spent your first three paragraphs insulting people just like you…is the cash, fame and luxury not working out?

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We don't come telling you how we love pink slime more than your Berkshire pork, or Cup O' Soup more than your ramen, or a foil packet of carcinogens more than your tonkotsu. Why? Because that would be boring, that's why. Come over to the brewery some time. We'll have fun. I'll show you how to do this, son.

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