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How do you deal with the guilt of living far away from your aging parents?

Posted on 3/6/24 at 3:47 pm
Posted by philly444
stuck in contraflow
Member since Nov 2008
11634 posts
Posted on 3/6/24 at 3:47 pm
Parents are my best friends but I wanted to venture out of Louisiana. It’s been a great decision but man do I miss them. They just entered their 70s and I feel like I’m missing out on their remaining years. If I want to see them or any other family I’ve got to get on a plane instead just driving to go see them. They’ve obviously been very supportive of my decision but will some times drop hints that they’d like me to come back. This sucks…
Posted by h0bnail
Member since Sep 2009
7560 posts
Posted on 3/6/24 at 3:48 pm to
I'm an only child and it's enough to keep me from going anywhere before they pass.
Posted by Commandeaux
Zachary
Member since Jul 2009
7506 posts
Posted on 3/6/24 at 3:48 pm to
They are Boomers. That's how.
Posted by 053wab
Charlotte NC
Member since May 2023
269 posts
Posted on 3/6/24 at 3:48 pm to
Both dead.
Posted by fastlane
Member since Jul 2014
3173 posts
Posted on 3/6/24 at 3:49 pm to
If my parents weren’t alive I’d be living in Montana.
Posted by BR92
Member since Apr 2021
898 posts
Posted on 3/6/24 at 3:50 pm to
Mine are dead, I left after my Father passed away.
Posted by Pettifogger
Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone
Member since Feb 2012
81237 posts
Posted on 3/6/24 at 3:50 pm to
Be intentional. Visit when you can and find reasons to. Call frequently.

Now that I'm a dad with a lot going on, I sometimes feel my dad thinks I don't need him anymore. Which is awful and I can now more easily think about how I'd feel w/ my boys. So include him, text him about the game and let him be one of your first calls for your life events, etc.

They're going to be sad either way, I think the goal is to make sure they know how important they are to you even as you have no choice but to make your own path. And they understand that's how it has to be.
Posted by Bugsy Siegel
Member since Mar 2024
89 posts
Posted on 3/6/24 at 3:51 pm to
This is one of life's great dilemmas in my view. I have made the decision to remain close to my parents because I don't want to look back and regret not spending time with them.
Posted by alajones
Huntsvegas
Member since Oct 2005
34837 posts
Posted on 3/6/24 at 3:51 pm to
We moved from Shreveport back to Huntsville after my mother had a stroke. So, I guess we didn’t feel guilty, more like…obligated.

It was a great decision that has worked out wonderfully for us. You never know how your path might change but still work out great.
This post was edited on 3/6/24 at 3:53 pm
Posted by kywildcatfanone
Wildcat Country!
Member since Oct 2012
123769 posts
Posted on 3/6/24 at 3:51 pm to
Visit as much as you can
Posted by WaterLink
Baton Rouge
Member since Sep 2015
18413 posts
Posted on 3/6/24 at 3:51 pm to
Call/face time them when you're feeling guilty. They'll appreciate it and it'll probably make you feel better too.
Posted by Baers Foot
Louisiana Ragin' Cajuns
Member since Dec 2011
3603 posts
Posted on 3/6/24 at 3:51 pm to
Ask them to move nearby. Would give them a bit of excitement/newness in their 70s and allow y'all to visit frequently.
Posted by notsince98
KC, MO
Member since Oct 2012
18852 posts
Posted on 3/6/24 at 3:53 pm to
well, you can learn at a young age that you'll never regret choosing family.
Posted by notiger1997
Metairie
Member since May 2009
59547 posts
Posted on 3/6/24 at 3:56 pm to
quote:

I'm an only child and it's enough to keep me from going anywhere before they pass.


Same. Mine are in their early 80’s and I need to stay around for them. It is what it is. With my youngest about to start college I’m starting to think about the options for where to move when my parents are gone
Posted by LSUEnvy
Hou via Lake Chas
Member since May 2011
12231 posts
Posted on 3/6/24 at 3:58 pm to
Move them to where you live.
Posted by chinhoyang
Member since Jun 2011
24435 posts
Posted on 3/6/24 at 4:00 pm to
Dad joined the Marines when he was 18 and stayed in the Marines for 32 years. He did not get to see his Dad that often due to where we lived, military commitments, etc.

I never saw his Dad other than when he was two and when my grandfather was about a week away from dying of cancer.

My little sister lived at the farm for years, mostly because it gave her a really nice, free place to live. She never did much to take care of my parents. She did end up inheriting most of the farm, so she worked them quite well.

Posted by VetteGuy
Member since Feb 2008
30722 posts
Posted on 3/6/24 at 4:02 pm to
If you have siblings living near them don't put the burden all on them when the time comes.
Posted by Chucktown_Badger
The banks of the Ashley River
Member since May 2013
32425 posts
Posted on 3/6/24 at 4:03 pm to
Nowadays you can get just about anywhere with a couple hour flight, so I don't feel bad about it. You have to live your life.
Posted by C-Bear
A Texas Tiger
Member since May 2005
858 posts
Posted on 3/6/24 at 4:05 pm to
It’s tough, but not just because of aging. I was the only child that lived away from home, and only Houston area at that. My son also missed out on having the same relationships that the other grandchildren had with my parents. Both of them are deceased now, but it got difficult when the end was near for my mom, as she was my last parent to pass away. It has caused great issues between my sister and me, though those have always been present. It really intensified during that time period and has not gotten better. Some of the issues were my own doing and I have taken responsibility for them, but it seems as though that’s not good enough, even after five years.
Posted by LittleJerrySeinfield
350,000 Post Karma
Member since Aug 2013
8530 posts
Posted on 3/6/24 at 4:15 pm to
We just went through a bad experience with my wife's dad. Her parents divorced when she was young, her mother remarried and they moved to Alabama while her father was in Texas. When he retired, he moved to The Villages, FL, which is an even longer drive from our house. He recently had a stay in the hospital and was very upset we didn't come down there. It tore my wife up, she was on the phone with the hospital and him multiple times a day. But it was his choice to move so far away from his only child and grandkids so he can live his best life. He has cut off contact. He's always been an arse.
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