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Started By
Message
Parenting Question
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:23 pm
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:23 pm
I have 2 children. One is 4 and one is 7. They usually get along great aside from the normal sibling disagreements or annoyances.
BUT
Lately they are constantly in competition over what's "fair". No matter what they receive, if the other sibling gets ANYTHING (a popsicle, a turn to choose a movie, taking the first bath, etc.) we are immediately met with complaints of how unfair it is by the "slighted" child. We can't do anything for either child without the other objecting about the fairness of it.
There is a whole other subsect of this competition when it comes to compliments or affection. If we tell one child that their art work is good, the other has to either say how its not good or ask if theirs is better. If one is laying next to mom, then the other NEEDS to lay next to mom. Where it really drives me up a wall is if one is lying next to mom and the other protests and we finally get one to agree to lie next to dad then all of a sudden they both NEED to lie next to dad.
It feels like nothing we do is good enough for them. No matter what, they are gonna find a way to be the victim and tell us of how they are being mistreated or how the other is getting preferential treatment.
We obviously try to make everything fair and if one gets a popsicle then the other gets one too and both can lie next to mom or dad on either side but there are times when everything just can't be exact. I don't know how to get them to understand that even though things aren't exactly equal in this moment, we treat them both equally in the big picture. Even though one kid got a candy at the gas station today, the other got one yesterday (maybe thats a bad example cuz we'd usually get a candy for both even if only one child is present but you get the point).
We have tried talking to both of them about it in a calm manner and obviously my 7 year old can understand it better than my 4 year old but ten minutes later, its the same song and dance.
I hope this is just a phase but has anyone else dealt with this and have any solutions or suggestions?
BUT
Lately they are constantly in competition over what's "fair". No matter what they receive, if the other sibling gets ANYTHING (a popsicle, a turn to choose a movie, taking the first bath, etc.) we are immediately met with complaints of how unfair it is by the "slighted" child. We can't do anything for either child without the other objecting about the fairness of it.
There is a whole other subsect of this competition when it comes to compliments or affection. If we tell one child that their art work is good, the other has to either say how its not good or ask if theirs is better. If one is laying next to mom, then the other NEEDS to lay next to mom. Where it really drives me up a wall is if one is lying next to mom and the other protests and we finally get one to agree to lie next to dad then all of a sudden they both NEED to lie next to dad.
It feels like nothing we do is good enough for them. No matter what, they are gonna find a way to be the victim and tell us of how they are being mistreated or how the other is getting preferential treatment.
We obviously try to make everything fair and if one gets a popsicle then the other gets one too and both can lie next to mom or dad on either side but there are times when everything just can't be exact. I don't know how to get them to understand that even though things aren't exactly equal in this moment, we treat them both equally in the big picture. Even though one kid got a candy at the gas station today, the other got one yesterday (maybe thats a bad example cuz we'd usually get a candy for both even if only one child is present but you get the point).
We have tried talking to both of them about it in a calm manner and obviously my 7 year old can understand it better than my 4 year old but ten minutes later, its the same song and dance.
I hope this is just a phase but has anyone else dealt with this and have any solutions or suggestions?
21
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:24 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
Sell them to gypsies
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:24 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
I always told mine "Life's not fair. Get used to it"
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:25 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
Get a vasectomy
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:27 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
Sounds like something from a Bluey episode but the tv was turned off before the lessons learned portion at the end of the show. Sounds like you got two Muffins.
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:27 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
Not sure...prob need to see pics of the wife to really make a determination.
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:34 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
Shock collars
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:36 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
A complaint should get them sent to their room
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:37 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
quote:
Lately they are constantly in competition over what's "fair". No matter what they receive, if the other sibling gets ANYTHING (a popsicle, a turn to choose a movie, taking the first bath, etc.) we are immediately met with complaints of how unfair it is by the "slighted" child. We can't do anything for either child without the other objecting about the fairness of it.
sorry you are weak and spoiled your kids, now nut up and correct that behavior
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:38 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
Choose a favorite now and let it be known.
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:41 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
Tell them, “Life is unfair.”
It is a great life lesson.
Everyone needs to learn it as soon as possible.
Watch Major Payne with them.
Send them to military school.
Teach them the subtle difference between, “doing things right”, and “doing right things.”
“The sun don’t shine on the same dog’s arse everyday.”
It is a great life lesson.
Everyone needs to learn it as soon as possible.
Watch Major Payne with them.
Send them to military school.
Teach them the subtle difference between, “doing things right”, and “doing right things.”
“The sun don’t shine on the same dog’s arse everyday.”
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:42 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
Take them into the back yard where the fire pit is. Your wife as well. Give each child 4 thin sticks and tell them each represents a family member and tell them to break them one at a time. Then watch them break them and throw them in the fire . Then hand them 4 new thicker sticks and tell them they represent the family and tell them to break them all at once. They won’t be able to break the 4 sticks. Tell them that TOGETHER you are strong, separately you are far more breakable. Tell them the strength is in the family being together and that they must have each others back. Then tell them that life can never be completely fair and that they have to remember to stay on the same side, strong together, weaker when they are at odds.
Then pull that lesson out periodically for the rest of time.
Then pull that lesson out periodically for the rest of time.
This post was edited on 1/22/24 at 4:45 pm
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:44 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
I have boys 11 and 9, and the younger one has been this way as long as can I remember. He isn’t like that with his younger sister, but they are separated a bit more by age. It’s gotten somewhat better as he’s become older. Eventually, they have to accept that things aren’t always going to be equal. The older one gets to stay up later, but he has more responsibilities, too. That’s life.
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:46 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
“Insert your last name here”’s don’t say it’s not fair.
Nothing is fair.
Nothing is fair.
Posted on 1/22/24 at 4:59 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
Y’all are trying too hard. The more you entertain this, the worse it will get. Do your best to make things fair and if anyone complains, say “tough.” Point out how it’s fair. If they keep it up, take theirs. They will stop.
Posted on 1/22/24 at 5:00 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
quote:
I have 2 children. One is 4 and one is 7. They usually get along great aside from the normal sibling disagreements or annoyances. BUT Lately they are constantly in competition over what's "fair". No matter what they receive, if the other sibling gets ANYTHING (a popsicle, a turn to choose a movie, taking the first bath, etc.) we are immediately met with complaints of how unfair it is by the "slighted" child. We can't do anything for either child without the other objecting about the fairness of it.
I remember when life was so simple 
Posted on 1/22/24 at 5:01 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
Have another child.
Posted on 1/22/24 at 5:11 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
I have a relative who didn't allow the "fair" word, period. She did not entertain those discussions at all. Eventually, the kids stopped because they got no response other than punishment or something taken away if they persisted.
Her kids follow that rule as well with their little kids.
Sounds like your kids are getting results from you.
Her kids follow that rule as well with their little kids.
Sounds like your kids are getting results from you.
Posted on 1/22/24 at 5:14 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
You are using the word NEED.
You mean the word WANT
And if one’s art is better, tell the other to draw better
And if it’s about purchases just don’t buy the one bring a jackass anything
You won’t hear any more nonsense
You mean the word WANT
And if one’s art is better, tell the other to draw better
And if it’s about purchases just don’t buy the one bring a jackass anything
You won’t hear any more nonsense
Posted on 1/22/24 at 5:31 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
4 and 7 and already calling shots?
Tell them you love them equally but life isn't always “fair”
The bath is easy, make a schedule and have them alternate..
Tell them you love them equally but life isn't always “fair”
The bath is easy, make a schedule and have them alternate..
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