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Posted on 5/8/23 at 6:53 am to Spaceman Spiff
quote:
Go to counseling with her.
The biggest joke of them all. By the time divorce is mentioned, she's checked out. Same with mine and all the others I know. They go through the motions to say they tried...to justify to themselves their reasons, so to speak.
100% correct
Posted on 5/8/23 at 8:00 am to ArmyHogs
As others have mentioned, don’t cope with alcohol. That’s what I did, and became so severely addicted I was drinking between a fifth and handle of vodka daily, and eventually had made terms in my mind I was going to actively drink myself to death, and hoped it would come swiftly.
Luckily I had people who cared about me enough to get me to the hospital, where I spent a month. I was nearly dead, in liver and kidney failure, and almost bled to death into the toilet. Required 24 pints worth of blood transfusions over that time.
I spent a year getting my life back together, through rehabs and the like. Which I had been to several times before. This time was different in that I actually wanted to stop finally, and I surrendered my stubbornness and pride to God and became truly content with life and what I had. Despite what anyone says, or how controversial it is, an addict will stop when they actually want to. And they can stop for good.
I am now engaged again and have much more peace and clarity, because I truly love this woman and it has made me realize I did not love the other, because I had not experienced true love. I am truly happy and at peace with my life, and I am a living testimony to many people.
So, with all that said, the only thing that helped me was time and finding clarity through sobriety and perspective. I achieved all of this the most difficult way possible, and I am very lucky to be not only alive but still thriving. Don’t do what I did. Try to place your faith and trust in God.
Luckily I had people who cared about me enough to get me to the hospital, where I spent a month. I was nearly dead, in liver and kidney failure, and almost bled to death into the toilet. Required 24 pints worth of blood transfusions over that time.
I spent a year getting my life back together, through rehabs and the like. Which I had been to several times before. This time was different in that I actually wanted to stop finally, and I surrendered my stubbornness and pride to God and became truly content with life and what I had. Despite what anyone says, or how controversial it is, an addict will stop when they actually want to. And they can stop for good.
I am now engaged again and have much more peace and clarity, because I truly love this woman and it has made me realize I did not love the other, because I had not experienced true love. I am truly happy and at peace with my life, and I am a living testimony to many people.
So, with all that said, the only thing that helped me was time and finding clarity through sobriety and perspective. I achieved all of this the most difficult way possible, and I am very lucky to be not only alive but still thriving. Don’t do what I did. Try to place your faith and trust in God.
Posted on 5/8/23 at 8:18 am to ArmyHogs
Go to the bar a lot. Make sure you uber home.
Posted on 5/8/23 at 8:21 am to ArmyHogs
Focus on the good a divorce provides through its removal of stressors from your life that led to the divorce. Look ahead. Keep your mind busy.
Divorce was the best thing I ever did to end a miserable relationship. The path of divorce ultimately led to so many better things in my life including a new spouse, kids and twenty five years of true happiness.
Divorce was the best thing I ever did to end a miserable relationship. The path of divorce ultimately led to so many better things in my life including a new spouse, kids and twenty five years of true happiness.
Posted on 5/8/23 at 8:49 am to FightingTigers138
Just wanted to let all the folk here saying to start drinking and go to to bars and hook up with sluts, you're a loser.
If you want to do that when you're 24 and divorced with no kids, so be it, you're still a loser and likely the reason you are getting divorced if you think drinking and hanging out in a bar is what a healthy stable adult should be doing.
Read the OP. He's got 3 kids. They are what matter more than anything. Stop with this childish go drinking and slay poon advice.
If you want to do that when you're 24 and divorced with no kids, so be it, you're still a loser and likely the reason you are getting divorced if you think drinking and hanging out in a bar is what a healthy stable adult should be doing.
Read the OP. He's got 3 kids. They are what matter more than anything. Stop with this childish go drinking and slay poon advice.
Posted on 5/8/23 at 8:53 am to ArmyHogs
Time. Has helped me cope. But I don’t the know I’ll ever get over the pain.
I mean it’s only been 35 years or so.
I mean it’s only been 35 years or so.
Posted on 5/8/23 at 8:57 am to TeddyPadillac
There’s not much more sad than the creepy old divorced guy at the bar hitting on every girl that comes near him.
Posted on 5/8/23 at 8:58 am to ArmyHogs
quote:
My brother recommended listening to Jordan Peterson on YouTube.
Posted on 5/8/23 at 9:00 am to ArmyHogs
Move on with your life date, younger, more attractive women, etc. Try to keep as much as you can in the divorce and don't budge unless you have to.
90% chance she's already getting porked by Chad, Jody or Tyrone, which means you don't owe her anything anymore.
90% chance she's already getting porked by Chad, Jody or Tyrone, which means you don't owe her anything anymore.
Posted on 5/8/23 at 9:09 am to ArmyHogs
quite a cornucopia of advice in this thread
Posted on 5/8/23 at 9:14 am to Havoc
quote:
Get back to the basics.
Who are you?
What do you believe in?
What person do you want to be going forward?
Where do you want to be in 1 year? 5 years?
Do it.
This is really good advice. There is a person inside you that has dreams and goals and a way forward. Sometimes in a traumatic time like this you need your support network to help draw that person out again.
We all have a good laugh about drink/golf/gambling/sex to break your tailspin, but be careful. Get drunk a few nights and get it out of your system, but do not go months deep into that or your tailspin increases.
Rely on your network. Family. Friends. Therapist if you need it or family and friends aren't available. Spend time, sober, with those people.
The tailspin ends and it's a better place to be, but excessive booze etc... does not help long term.
Posted on 5/8/23 at 9:17 am to FightingTigers138
quote:
Go to the bar a lot. Make sure you uber home.
Yeah, I tried that after my divorce and alchohol cannot numb that sort of pain. Alcohol is also a depressant. This is not good advice.
This post was edited on 5/8/23 at 9:19 am
Posted on 5/8/23 at 9:33 am to cyogi
I honestly can’t even imagine the anguish of a messy divorce. Mine was mostly amicable and it still sucked. No kids involved so that made it easier to just split our crap and move on. We worked out most of the details ourselves before getting attorneys involved.
The hardest part for me was just losing that life companion. Coming home to en empty house, making major decisions by myself, eating out alone, etc. That took nearly a year to get used to, and there were some lonely, depressing nights. Thankfully I had the Will power to limit my alcohol consumption.
The hardest part for me was just losing that life companion. Coming home to en empty house, making major decisions by myself, eating out alone, etc. That took nearly a year to get used to, and there were some lonely, depressing nights. Thankfully I had the Will power to limit my alcohol consumption.
Posted on 5/8/23 at 9:41 am to ArmyHogs
so read the first page and totally disappointed in the OT, going fricking soft
in the end its simple, workout like a mother fricker, upgrade your job situation and frick bitches
***i have never been through divorce so i dont know shite, but thats what tictok says to do****
in the end its simple, workout like a mother fricker, upgrade your job situation and frick bitches
***i have never been through divorce so i dont know shite, but thats what tictok says to do****
Posted on 5/8/23 at 9:47 am to TeddyPadillac
quote:
Just wanted to let all the folk here saying to start drinking and go to to bars and hook up with sluts, you're a loser.
If you want to do that when you're 24 and divorced with no kids, so be it, you're still a loser and likely the reason you are getting divorced if you think drinking and hanging out in a bar is what a healthy stable adult should be doing.
Read the OP. He's got 3 kids. They are what matter more than anything. Stop with this childish go drinking and slay poon advice.
Ok internet user TeddyPadillac. Now that you have called a bunch of anonymous people "Losers", what is your advice?
Going out with friends and staying busy helps keep your mind off of things. No one is telling him to drag his three kids to the bar.
Only a "Loser" would come in a thread to call out "losers" and not bother to give any useful input.
BTW, most men get minimal custody. So every other weekend, I would suggest to spend all your time with your kids and make sure they are handling it ok.
Posted on 5/8/23 at 9:56 am to ArmyHogs
I haven’t been divorced and can only speak to my brother’s experience.
They had a kid together so communication had to happen regularly and that helped a ton IMO. He never had that “missing you” aspect much, and was regularly reminded why they divorced. Ha. Having said that they got along very well after not having to live together.
Just remember there’s a reason it didn’t work out and life’s too short to be in a miserable situation just due to a perception of codependency.
They had a kid together so communication had to happen regularly and that helped a ton IMO. He never had that “missing you” aspect much, and was regularly reminded why they divorced. Ha. Having said that they got along very well after not having to live together.
Just remember there’s a reason it didn’t work out and life’s too short to be in a miserable situation just due to a perception of codependency.
Posted on 5/8/23 at 10:25 am to ArmyHogs
Army, it’s been 25 years ago for me, but the following continues to work well for my situation:
1. Take care of yourself and find something to feed your soul. Therapy was not it for me! My parents gave me money to see a therapist and I used it to take dressage lessons.
2. Nothing hurts more than indifference. Do your best to take all the strong feelings out of any contact with your ex, and only refer to them as an “ex” if children are not involved. If you share children refer to them as “child’s name” other parent/birth mom or dad.
3. If you have children, you will be forever in a relationship with your former spouse. Conduct this relationship as a business of raising your children.
4. Don’t engage in a negative way with your ‘ex” or their family. This can victimize them to your children and when they get old enough, they will know.
5. Again, take care of yourself and even if it’s through your OT friends, we are here to help!
1. Take care of yourself and find something to feed your soul. Therapy was not it for me! My parents gave me money to see a therapist and I used it to take dressage lessons.
2. Nothing hurts more than indifference. Do your best to take all the strong feelings out of any contact with your ex, and only refer to them as an “ex” if children are not involved. If you share children refer to them as “child’s name” other parent/birth mom or dad.
3. If you have children, you will be forever in a relationship with your former spouse. Conduct this relationship as a business of raising your children.
4. Don’t engage in a negative way with your ‘ex” or their family. This can victimize them to your children and when they get old enough, they will know.
5. Again, take care of yourself and even if it’s through your OT friends, we are here to help!
Posted on 5/8/23 at 10:46 am to ArmyHogs
God and Prayer. It works
Posted on 5/8/23 at 11:10 am to FightingTigers138
quote:
Ok internet user TeddyPadillac. Now that you have called a bunch of anonymous people "Losers", what is your advice?
My advice is to not listen to losers that are trying to tell a middle aged man with 3 kids to go get drunk at a bar and slay poon.
I'm not divorced, my parents aren't divorced, and I have 8 sets of aunts and uncles that aren't divorced. None of my close friends have been divorced.
I'm not giving advice on something i have absolutely zero experience with, or even experienced as someone close to someone else who's been divorced. The people i know that have been divorced aren't people i talk to regularly, or have ever talked to about their divorce.
quote:
Going out with friends and staying busy helps keep your mind off of things. No one is telling him to drag his three kids to the bar.
His friends aren't hanging out at bars. They are busy bringing their kids to dance, or baseball practice, etc, something he will continue to have to do, all while being a good role model to his kids.
I have two friends who's been divorced somewhat recently, and they are not close friends but ones that always have been friends with some of my close friends, just not me. One of them had a young kid, got divorced at around age 35. Started working out, lost weight, taking steroids, got ripped, and was fricking a different girl every weekend from tindr, always out at bars. While we enjoy all the nudes he sends us of the skanks he's been with, we've had to tell him several times to stop being a loser and hanging out at bars every night, and stop pawning your kid off on your parents on your weekend with him just so you can go fist some tindr skank. He's divorced b/c that's the guy he wants to be, which is fine if that's what he wants, just know that the rest of us with a family don't envy what you're doing, and we aren't going hang out with you at the bar, and sorry if we don't care about getting to know the slut of the month you bring over to the crawfish boil. He was the reason he got divorced. His problem is not only was he a bad husband, but now he's a bad dad.
the other friend also had a young daughter, and got divorced around the same time and age. He married a slut, which we told him before he did it, but he didn't care. This slut literally tried to sleep with one of his groosman the night before the wedding. Finally got a divorce after all the cheating and he's a complete 180 from what the other friend is. He doesn't have time to go work out for an hour and a half every day. He's busy working and has devoted all of his free time to his daughter. It's been 4 years and he just started dating a girl.
two friends, completely different paths after divorce. Doesn't matter what kind of husband either of them were, b/c they aren't husbands anymore, but they are both still fathers, and one of them is still a great father while the other is a loser.
so my advice to the OP who has 3 kids: Don't be the loser. You'll always be your kids dad.
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