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Message
re: Possible life changing decision on the horizon
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:20 am to lsu480
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:20 am to lsu480
quote:
You are asking if you should choose a job over your child?
No he's not. This is a ridiculous over-simplification of the situation.
He's not giving up his child. He may see him 50% of the time instead fo 60-70% of the time.
If he was so concerned about seeing his kid maybe he shouldn't have walked out on him and his mom in the first place.
1
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:21 am to DirtyMikeandtheBoys
I promise you that when you lay on your death bed, you will not be thinking about the job you almost took...
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:21 am to DirtyMikeandtheBoys
I have joint custody for my 10&12 yo boys and I can't imagine being 3 hrs away from them.
Sure I suppose you can work out some visitation agreement perhaps, but that 3 hr drive twice a month will get old for you and him. Also, consider your current partner may see this as time you will now not be with her.
You won't be able to attend the small things like honor roll breakfast, band performances, sports practices that really have nothing to do with your visitation schedule.
Go through w/ the interview and if offered then sit down and do a cost-benefit analysis. Can't put a price on time with your kid. Three hour trips twice a month can add up monetarily as well. But it's your dream job - why do you think you'll never have this opportunity again if you have it now?
Sure I suppose you can work out some visitation agreement perhaps, but that 3 hr drive twice a month will get old for you and him. Also, consider your current partner may see this as time you will now not be with her.
You won't be able to attend the small things like honor roll breakfast, band performances, sports practices that really have nothing to do with your visitation schedule.
Go through w/ the interview and if offered then sit down and do a cost-benefit analysis. Can't put a price on time with your kid. Three hour trips twice a month can add up monetarily as well. But it's your dream job - why do you think you'll never have this opportunity again if you have it now?
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:21 am to DirtyMikeandtheBoys
quote:
If he was so concerned about seeing his kid maybe he shouldn't have walked out on him and his mom in the first place.
Ya, because women never leave men.
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:21 am to Austin Cajun
quote:
Any of you ever faced a decision like this? How did you handle it?
I have. In the end, I decided to stay home and pass on the opportunity until my last child turned 18. I just couldn't feel comfortable not being full time in my kid's life until they graduated.
I'll just say this, don't believe the opportunity will never present again. You have no way of knowing. Similar position came available to me, in BR, and I accepted it this morning. In the end, so glad I stayed with the kids and waited.
Not at all telling you what to do, only you can know. Just know, being a father and in your kids life is the most rewarding thing I can think of.
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:22 am to Austin Cajun
I haven't had to make career decisions based on what would be best for my child, seeing that I don't have children.
I'll give you my take on it though. My dad always did what he thought was best for the family. He worked all the time, so we could have whatever we wanted. Growing up I just saw it as, he cared more about work than about us. He never made it to my games or spent a lot of time with me outside of work. I would see him at night when he made it home and that was about it, but it would be right before I went to sleep (so no real "quality time."
I broke down senior year in high school at a senior retreat, when I had to give a talk about my "inner circle or dinner table guests." I ended up placing him as far away from me, because I realized we didn't have a close relationship. I appreciated that his work allowed me to be able to do sports and have a car while I was in high school, but I still resented him because he wasn't around to watch my games or play golf with me.
My point is, what do you feel would be the best for your son? Is it that you can make more money and give to him more financially or can you be more a part of his life? Maybe even ask him what he thinks about the move.
I feel the same way as you, when I have children of my own I hope I can find that balance of providing for them financially as well as being there as a parent. I respect my dad for everything he has done for me, and I understand now he did it so we could have everything.
Good luck with your decision. I'm not sure if I helped out or not though.
I'll give you my take on it though. My dad always did what he thought was best for the family. He worked all the time, so we could have whatever we wanted. Growing up I just saw it as, he cared more about work than about us. He never made it to my games or spent a lot of time with me outside of work. I would see him at night when he made it home and that was about it, but it would be right before I went to sleep (so no real "quality time."
I broke down senior year in high school at a senior retreat, when I had to give a talk about my "inner circle or dinner table guests." I ended up placing him as far away from me, because I realized we didn't have a close relationship. I appreciated that his work allowed me to be able to do sports and have a car while I was in high school, but I still resented him because he wasn't around to watch my games or play golf with me.
My point is, what do you feel would be the best for your son? Is it that you can make more money and give to him more financially or can you be more a part of his life? Maybe even ask him what he thinks about the move.
quote:
My dad wasn't there for me as a child and I don't want to do the same to him.
I feel the same way as you, when I have children of my own I hope I can find that balance of providing for them financially as well as being there as a parent. I respect my dad for everything he has done for me, and I understand now he did it so we could have everything.
Good luck with your decision. I'm not sure if I helped out or not though.
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:22 am to Ex-Popcorn
quote:
I promise you that when you lay on your death bed, you will not be thinking about the job you almost took...
I'm going to be assassinated, so I likely won't be thinking about anything but my job at the time.
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:22 am to Austin Cajun
If your 7 year old ends up hating you, just have another kid and you will live in Houston happily ever after.
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:23 am to Austin Cajun
Here's the short of it. People telling you you're a bad father for even considering this are full of shite.
I agree you should talk with the kid and his mother. But first figure this out for yourself. How much happier will you be with this job versus the one you're in now. How much more opportunity will this new job provide financially.
My dad moved from Texas to Connecticut when I was 6 for a job that he was much happier doing and paid a lot better. Sure he lost out on time with my sister and I during the year, but he got us all to himself every summer and was able to do things with us he otherwise wouldn't have been able to.
You'll still be close enough that you won't lose that much time. Happy parents have happy kids so it's up to you what will make you most happy.
I agree you should talk with the kid and his mother. But first figure this out for yourself. How much happier will you be with this job versus the one you're in now. How much more opportunity will this new job provide financially.
My dad moved from Texas to Connecticut when I was 6 for a job that he was much happier doing and paid a lot better. Sure he lost out on time with my sister and I during the year, but he got us all to himself every summer and was able to do things with us he otherwise wouldn't have been able to.
You'll still be close enough that you won't lose that much time. Happy parents have happy kids so it's up to you what will make you most happy.
This post was edited on 3/5/15 at 10:24 am
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:23 am to DirtyMikeandtheBoys
quote:
quote:
I promise you that when you lay on your death bed, you will not be thinking about the job you almost took...
I'm going to be assassinated, so I likely won't be thinking about anything but my job at the time.
someone who has no life
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:24 am to DirtyMikeandtheBoys
quote:
Someone as indecisive as you
He's indecisive because he's weighing all options in one of the biggest decisions he'll make in his life, that in all likelihood will affect his entire future?
Don't be a dumbass moron.
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:24 am to Austin Cajun
Maybe I have a different grasp on things but my dream job doesn't have 10 of the same position at the same company.
If it does, and they're hiring 10 for one company in Houston, my assumption is this position exists in Austin but is just not available right now or the job in Houston could be done remotely...
If it does, and they're hiring 10 for one company in Houston, my assumption is this position exists in Austin but is just not available right now or the job in Houston could be done remotely...
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:25 am to Wayne Campbell
quote:
My dad moved from Texas to Connecticut when I was 6 for a job that he was much happier doing and paid a lot better
W, that you?
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:25 am to Austin Cajun
I had the exact same situation last year. Dream job would require me to move to Houston. I have a 5 year old son here in Lafayette that I spend 70% of my time with.
I withdrew my candidacy. I have a son.
I withdrew my candidacy. I have a son.
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:26 am to Austin Cajun
I have not been faced with that decision, but I know exactly what I would do.
I would stay with my son. The development and relationship you have with him is irreplaceable. You need each other, he needs you.
You can always make money, you can't always make memories.
You didn't think this job was within reach when you applied. But it is. Now you don't think you'll ever get another opportunity like this one, but you will. You won't get another chance to be with your 7 year old, or 8, or 9, or 10. You'll be missing the most important developmental times of his life.
I would stay with my son. The development and relationship you have with him is irreplaceable. You need each other, he needs you.
You can always make money, you can't always make memories.
You didn't think this job was within reach when you applied. But it is. Now you don't think you'll ever get another opportunity like this one, but you will. You won't get another chance to be with your 7 year old, or 8, or 9, or 10. You'll be missing the most important developmental times of his life.
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:26 am to WG_Dawg
quote:
Don't be a dumbass moron
Don't be a moron, dumbass
that's better
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:27 am to Festus
quote:
Similar position came available to me, in BR, and I accepted it this morning.
I didn't think being a waiter at Club Splash was a hard position to get.
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:29 am to Austin Cajun
You'll always regret the choice to not stay near your son.
60% of the time to 5% of the time isn't worth all the money in the works
Go listen to Cats in the Cradle
60% of the time to 5% of the time isn't worth all the money in the works
Go listen to Cats in the Cradle
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:29 am to Austin Cajun
There is no dollar figure that would take me away from my kids. Kids growing up without involved parents has the potential to cause many more problems down the road that money cannot fix. If you're looking for more money there are other companies in Austin. You can't go back and change the childhood of your son.
Posted on 3/5/15 at 10:30 am to Austin Cajun
Call them up to turn the job down and take your kid to a movie and McDonalds for some nuggets. People lose site of why they work in the first place.
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