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re: Let's say your wife wants to quit after 1 child

Posted on 10/22/14 at 4:21 pm to
Posted by asurob1
On the edge of the galaxy
Member since May 2009
26971 posts
Posted on 10/22/14 at 4:21 pm to
quote:

Say I really loved a woman, but she said not wanting kids was a deal breaker. I tell her that I'd have kids with her and then tell her I changed my mind after we were married. If she divorces me, who is the a-hole?


You should divorce her...because clearly you don't love who she is.

I have friends who went through this exactly...for him it was a second marriage and all that woman wanted was to have one kid with him.

Didn't happen and it led to a whole bunch of bad shite prior to them finally divorcing.

Life is not a constant.

shite changes...if you can't adjust to it changing with the partner you have chosen then you need to move on to the next one.

Posted by asurob1
On the edge of the galaxy
Member since May 2009
26971 posts
Posted on 10/22/14 at 4:23 pm to
quote:

That doesn't give them the power to force you to change.


Nope.

All you can do is be honest.

You tell someone the truth of how you feel.

After that what happens is up to them.
Posted by iluvdatiger
Baton Rouge, LA
Member since Jan 2004
42829 posts
Posted on 10/22/14 at 4:23 pm to
So she should be forced to go through another 9 months of hell to make him happy? Women don't fully understand how bad pregnancy can be until they actually go through it. She went thru it,produced a child and decided she did not want to go thru such an experience ever again. Your response as the husband is "too fricking bad! Produce me an heir or else!!" frick off.
Posted by SabiDojo
Open to any suggestions.
Member since Nov 2010
83927 posts
Posted on 10/22/14 at 4:26 pm to
That sucks. Kids are awesome.
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
421771 posts
Posted on 10/22/14 at 4:28 pm to
quote:

So she should be forced to go through another 9 months of hell to make him happy? W

no

but i don't think it's wrong or immoral of him to consider divorce in the scenario, either

he entered into the agreement expecting to have more kids. should he be forced to go without?

Posted by 777Tiger
Member since Mar 2011
73856 posts
Posted on 10/22/14 at 4:28 pm to
quote:

I don't think we're in any danger of going extinct right at the moment.




bruh, do you even Ebola?
Posted by jpbTiger
Tampa FL
Member since Dec 2007
4969 posts
Posted on 10/22/14 at 4:29 pm to
quote:

shite changes...if you can't adjust to it changing with the partner you have chosen then you need to move on to the next one.


Or perhaps A) grow up, or B) choose the "next one" more wisely......
Posted by 777Tiger
Member since Mar 2011
73856 posts
Posted on 10/22/14 at 4:29 pm to
quote:

but i don't think it's wrong or immoral of him to consider divorce in the scenario, either

he entered into the agreement expecting to have more kids. should he be forced to go without?



now the one he has would be punished for the decisions made
Posted by GRTiger
On a roof eating alligator pie
Member since Dec 2008
62854 posts
Posted on 10/22/14 at 4:30 pm to
quote:

that's good, I'm not trying to be condescending, just amazes me that the default setting in most relationships seems to be appeasing the woman, innate desire to put the pussy on the pedestal maybe? who knows


Society has made it pretty clear that a man has no right to make a decision regarding children, and an attempt to go against the wishes of the woman makes the man an a-hole.

You want the woman to abort but she wants it? You are an a-hole
You want her to have the kid but she doesn? a-hole
You told your wife you would have children and now you're saying you don't want them? a-hole
You and your wife agreed to have kids but now she doesn't want them and you are upset? a-hole
You don't want to pay child support? a-hole
You want to be a part of the child's life, but the mother doesn't want you to? a-hole

This thread highlights one of the more ridiculous cases. God forbid a man feels anything but absolute gratitude that his wife decides on her, after stating otherwise before marriage, how many kids they will have together.
Posted by iluvdatiger
Baton Rouge, LA
Member since Jan 2004
42829 posts
Posted on 10/22/14 at 4:30 pm to
You are right, he should just abandon her and the child she gave him so he can keep trying for heirs to his imaginary throne.
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
421771 posts
Posted on 10/22/14 at 4:31 pm to
quote:

he should just abandon her and the child she gave him

that's a bit dramatic
Posted by SabiDojo
Open to any suggestions.
Member since Nov 2010
83927 posts
Posted on 10/22/14 at 4:35 pm to
quote:

but i don't think it's wrong or immoral of him to consider divorce in the scenario, either


My wife would have to bring home ex-convicts who wanted to hurt my kids for me to consider divorce. The effects of divorce on kids are so severe it would take something extreme for me to consider it.

I would try everything in my power to change her mind.

Marriage is a partnership. Some women will say we're selfish because we don't go through child birth. It goes both ways. They are selfish for determining the size of the family unilaterally and without compromise.
Posted by SabiDojo
Open to any suggestions.
Member since Nov 2010
83927 posts
Posted on 10/22/14 at 4:35 pm to
quote:

he should just abandon her and the child she gave him


You mean the child they created TOGETHER.
Posted by pwejr88
Red Stick
Member since Apr 2007
36162 posts
Posted on 10/22/14 at 4:36 pm to
Lots of people say one child that's it, no more, I'm done, finished etc.

Give it a bit. She'll want another/more.
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
421771 posts
Posted on 10/22/14 at 4:37 pm to
women love babies. i believe it's due to oxytocin

so when the baby grows up and they lose that drug, they want more babies
Posted by jpbTiger
Tampa FL
Member since Dec 2007
4969 posts
Posted on 10/22/14 at 4:41 pm to
quote:

Posted by Message
GRTiger


Curious - are you married? For how long? Happily?

So living with another human being for the rest of your fricking life takes some serious compromises on both sides. And some changes of position/opinion as folks grow up. It still amazes me that some don't appreciate this......
Posted by GRTiger
On a roof eating alligator pie
Member since Dec 2008
62854 posts
Posted on 10/22/14 at 4:44 pm to
Yes, I'm married. What makes you question my happiness? I'm not speaking personally, but more generally. And the entire point of my last post was that society is trying hard to make compromise when it comes to children unacceptable. So I agree, compromise should be a part of it, but posts in this thread make it apparent that not everyone agrees.

Maybe be a little more specific in your concerns. You are most definitely not comprehending what I am saying.
Posted by iluvdatiger
Baton Rouge, LA
Member since Jan 2004
42829 posts
Posted on 10/22/14 at 4:44 pm to
You mean the child that apparently isn't good enough for him?
Posted by SabiDojo
Open to any suggestions.
Member since Nov 2010
83927 posts
Posted on 10/22/14 at 4:46 pm to
That's a reach.
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
421771 posts
Posted on 10/22/14 at 4:47 pm to
quote:

You mean the child that apparently isn't good enough for him?

whoa

again

a bit dramatic?
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