Bill Simmons did a mailbag on Rice-Goodell. One of the e-mails needs to be read

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Q: This isn’t a question and it’s not funny or silly or ironic in any way, and likely doesn’t belong in the mailbag, but I’m writing in nonetheless.

As a survivor of domestic violence, I’ve carefully watched the Ray Rice situation play out on the national media and social media stages. Domestic violence, like addiction and mental health issues, is often misunderstood by the media and the general public. It’s complex and personally challenging for most people to understand how a woman or a man can return to their abuser, often repeatedly and for years. As a result, the victim is often overlooked or the act is somehow justified (as initially was the case with Ray Rice). Clearly, a reasonable person who watched the first video, which showed Rice dragging his unconscious fiancé out of an elevator, easily could have determined that this result occurred from him striking her. Instead, the NFL responded casually as did many in the media and general public. Some even pointed the finger at the victim with a “she antagonized him = she deserved it” kind of mentality, rather than the drawing the more obvious conclusion of Rice’s guilt.

I was 26, law school educated and working in the entertainment industry when I found myself in a two year relationship with an abuser. What began as simple put downs and controlling behavior escalated into being choked, punched, kicked, shoved into walls, thrown out of a car naked without house keys, and more, as well as enduring tremendous mental abuse including being lied to and cheated on. I stayed with him because I was repeating a cycle that I had experienced as a child with a mentally checked out mother. With few other outlets, my abuser had become my entire life, however odd that may sound to those who have not endured domestic violence. I had created my own emotional, physical and psychological nightmare and I struggled to find a way out of a toxic and twisted reality.

That relationship ended nearly five years ago and it took me three years to recover from being “a shell of a person,” as a former co-worker described me. With intense therapy, a good job and an honest and loving support system, I’m “recovered,” or as recovered as someone who has been abused can ever be. It changes you and it takes years to feel better. I’m still wondering if I will ever be able to trust again. So as my friends get married and have kids, I was pleasantly surprised a few weeks ago when I was able to successfully go on a date.

I share my story because today’s reaction by the Baltimore Ravens meant something to me. I know it was very late in coming and it only resulted from the release of a horrific video, but societal changes in opinion and attitude, especially on topics of gender, race and discrimination take time to develop, and this week, we made progress and shined a national spotlight on an issue that often is hidden behind doors and sometimes only whispered about with disdain for the victim.
—J, Los Angeles

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