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Want to help create a /r/nosleep story?

Posted on 3/3/14 at 7:43 pm
Posted by MrTide33
Member since Nov 2012
4351 posts
Posted on 3/3/14 at 7:43 pm
I'm working on another nosleep story and some people here are interested in that sort of thing, so I was wondering if some of you can help me. I'm working on a story about a trip to my college's art department, and so far, it's nearly 100% truth.

I'd like some constructive criticism and then suggestions on where to take it from here.

quote:

I stood and stared at the building looming before me. If I had known I was going to have to make-up my drama quiz here, I probably would have just gone to class Tuesday morning.

The building didn’t fit in with the college’s look. Most of the old buildings have been updated with facades of white columns. This building must not have been updated since at least the 90s. It was built for use, not for scenery.

I stood at the edge of the path to the building. Even the concrete was older than the rest of the concrete on the back quad. It felt like I was standing on the threshold to another world.

I swallowed and crossed over it.

Nothing really changed, I suppose. I could still see the same familiar buildings all around me, the new fountain was still spitting up water undisturbed by my step into another dimension. Students were still walking to class, or the food court or library; nothing odd.

I faced the building again. Another strange thing about the building: it’s built on a hill, so when you walk to it from my dorm, you actually enter on the second floor. The path becomes a bridge as the ground drops out from underneath you.

I feel like the fall leaves should have been beautiful from this view, but I couldn’t shake my uneasy feeling. I walked toward the door.

It didn’t open into a lobby like you would expect when entering a building from the outside. It entered into a tight hallway that looked more like a high school than a college. I kid you not, the lights were flickering, sending out an unnerving random pulse of bright, fluorescent light and dim orange, sometimes cutting out completely. The light bathed a dirty tile floor, sheetrock walls, and old, beat-up lockers, making the scene feel like a high-school nightmare.

I looked down to make sure I was wearing pants.

Thankfully, this was daytime, and the light from outside was filtering in through a few windows. I peered out and saw that it overlooked a courtyard.

There was only one way to walk down the hallway, so I went that way, still unsure of where I was supposed to take my quiz. A classroom on my right had been completely painted black: floors, ceiling, seats, everything. I quickly walked by and reached a door at the end of the hallway.

The door opened to another hallway, this one with concrete flooring and brick walling. The inside wall had tall, narrow gaps, with one bar running horizontally up the middle, giving another view into the courtyard below.

I noticed as I walked on that there was a collage of sorts on the wall. It was art created by some of the students for Halloween. There were spiders, zombies; all kinds of gruesome things, many of them in gross detail.

At the end of this hall was an enclosed stairway. I made my way down and I stepped out into the courtyard. I was still under a roof; a covered walkway went around the courtyard. In A room on my left lay a detached mannequin head covered in paint, a large pencil stuck through its Styrofoam cheek. Weird art projects were everywhere, some were hanging around the courtyard, some were actual structures just sitting in the grass. It may not make sense, but my mind equated it to projects to help psychiatric patients in a mental asylum.

This post was edited on 3/3/14 at 9:29 pm
Posted by Paul Allen
Montauk, NY
Member since Nov 2007
75219 posts
Posted on 3/3/14 at 7:43 pm to
tl;dr
Posted by el Gaucho
He/They
Member since Dec 2010
53019 posts
Posted on 3/3/14 at 7:44 pm to
but then who was phone??
Posted by RebelOP
Misty Mountain Top
Member since Jun 2013
12478 posts
Posted on 3/3/14 at 7:44 pm to
Posted by Breaux
Member since Nov 2005
3971 posts
Posted on 3/3/14 at 7:47 pm to
That's a lot of words
Posted by MrTide33
Member since Nov 2012
4351 posts
Posted on 3/3/14 at 7:49 pm to
quote:

That's a lot of words


Yeah, that's the hard part of getting help with it. Hopefully a few people will enjoy the reading and help
Posted by ILikeLSUToo
Central, LA
Member since Jan 2008
18018 posts
Posted on 3/3/14 at 7:49 pm to
Is this for ENGL 2005 or something? If so, it's an auto-A for just writing it.
Posted by RebelOP
Misty Mountain Top
Member since Jun 2013
12478 posts
Posted on 3/3/14 at 7:50 pm to
If you had to choose right now would you go in the ghost direction or something that could really happen?
Posted by boom roasted
Member since Sep 2010
28039 posts
Posted on 3/3/14 at 7:50 pm to
What is a no sleep story?

I have some good sleepwalking stories.
Posted by RebelOP
Misty Mountain Top
Member since Jun 2013
12478 posts
Posted on 3/3/14 at 7:51 pm to
quote:

What is a no sleep story?



LINK
Posted by MrTide33
Member since Nov 2012
4351 posts
Posted on 3/3/14 at 7:52 pm to
quote:

If you had to choose right now would you go in the ghost direction or something that could really happen?


I'm thinking of going more realistic, although it could be worked into something paranormal over its course. I'm thinking of ending this with walking back past the collage and noticing a gruesome drawing of myself has been added to the collage.
Posted by MrTide33
Member since Nov 2012
4351 posts
Posted on 3/3/14 at 7:53 pm to
quote:

Is this for ENGL 2005 or something? If so, it's an auto-A for just writing it.


This is just for fun, and reddit's upvotes hopefully
Posted by boom roasted
Member since Sep 2010
28039 posts
Posted on 3/3/14 at 7:53 pm to
10-4.
Posted by RebelOP
Misty Mountain Top
Member since Jun 2013
12478 posts
Posted on 3/3/14 at 7:56 pm to
quote:

I'm thinking of going more realistic, although it could be worked into something paranormal over its course.


Find classroom
Meet with teacher who sticks around for a bit
End up falling asleep in room
Wakes up to something freaky tries to get out


quote:

I'm thinking of ending this with walking back past the collage and noticing a gruesome drawing of myself has been added to the collage.

If you want to close on that, maybe the picture could be him asleep in the chair from earlier.

eta - with a favorite stuffed animal he had when he was a child
This post was edited on 3/3/14 at 7:58 pm
Posted by MrTide33
Member since Nov 2012
4351 posts
Posted on 3/3/14 at 8:03 pm to
quote:

If you want to close on that, maybe the picture could be him asleep in the chair from earlier.

eta - with a favorite stuffed animal he had when he was a child


That's a nice different direction I hadn't thought of yet. Making it into a longtime stalker.

Let's say I ended the first part like this (in summary):

I make it to the lobby (which is actually fairly normal) take my quiz, and leave, passing by the gruesome picture of myself added to the collage. Nothing else to this part of the story. Keep the ideas flowing

Also it could be linked to my first nosleep story. For those who don't know about it, here it is
Posted by RebelOP
Misty Mountain Top
Member since Jun 2013
12478 posts
Posted on 3/3/14 at 8:09 pm to
The collage ends up being kids fingerpaints or coloring and drawing, but they were all things that have happened in your youth.

Flashbacks
You bullied someone way back when
Ended up trying to find you and you are now in school together

Posted by fr33manator
Baton Rouge
Member since Oct 2010
124315 posts
Posted on 3/3/14 at 8:12 pm to
I don't feel like I was there. Draw me in more. Give me a bit more climax.
Posted by MrTide33
Member since Nov 2012
4351 posts
Posted on 3/3/14 at 8:17 pm to
quote:

I don't feel like I was there. Draw me in more.


What do you think would help you feel as if you were there? I tried to make a vivid description, I even worried I might get too descriptive and people would be annoyed while waiting for the action.

In fact, this whole first post to the series is supposed to put you in the environment, so I'm glad to know you didn't feel like you were there. That's my goal.

*ETA:
I haven't gotten to the climatic point yet in the first post. In my case, seeing the picture would be the climax, as well as the real firestarter for the series.

P.S. I may add pictures
This post was edited on 3/3/14 at 8:19 pm
Posted by RebelOP
Misty Mountain Top
Member since Jun 2013
12478 posts
Posted on 3/3/14 at 8:19 pm to
quote:

The building didn’t fit in with the college’s look. Most of the old buildings have been updated with facades of white columns. This building must not have been updated since at least the 90s. It was built for use, not for scenery.


I think you can go into more detail here explaining how it really does stand out.
-Crumbling paint,
-exposed wood
-the smell
-something different about the architecture than the rest

I know that's a fine tuning thing but just something to think about when finalizing.
This post was edited on 3/3/14 at 8:22 pm
Posted by MrTide33
Member since Nov 2012
4351 posts
Posted on 3/3/14 at 8:20 pm to
quote:

RebelOP


I like your ideas, and even if I don't use them much in this series, they may get incorporated into future posts

quote:

I think you can go into more detail here explaining how it really does stand out.
-Crumbling paint,
-exposed wood
-the smell
-Chills looking at it

I know that's a fine tuning thing but just something to think about when finalizing.


I appreciate the feedback It is a little bit hard for me to find words to explain it so far. I'm going to keep thinking of ways to describe the subtle creepiness of it.

I'll update this thread with pics once I can get some, maybe tomorrow.
This post was edited on 3/3/14 at 8:22 pm
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