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Started By
Message
Scorpion Dick Extract!
Posted on 2/12/13 at 7:35 am
Posted on 2/12/13 at 7:35 am
Sean Payton: I’m back, men. I’m finally back. It seems like forever ago that I was coaching you guys, but I think I’ve used my time away from the game constructively. My long journey of discovery gave me perspective and a brand new lease on life. Also, I met Jozzylyyyn here. She really is quite a treat. It’s like a Super Bowl onside kick every night.
Jonathan Vilma: That’s great, coach, but we still got screwed over the NFL. They took a full season of ours and we’ll never get it back.
Sean Payton: That’s true. We got dicked over hardcore and we can never forget that. But being screwed by The Man doesn’t take away from the fact that you all didn’t DO YOUR JOB while I was gone. Don’t think I didn’t watch those games. You were awful.
Roman Harper: But we couldn’t affect the head! How were we supposed to play defense without kill shots? It’s not possible!
Sean Payton: It is possible.
Roman Harper: But how?
Sean Payton: You’re gonna see. Just before I made it back to New Orleans, I met this guy on the road. Gave me a lift on the road. We got to talking and I think he’s got some good ideas about how to fix our defense.
[Loading dock door flies open]
Rob Ryan: OW-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Lemme tell ya, I fricking love New Orleans. The whole town smells like beef bouillon and pussy. Fair rates on child creole prostitutes. Pretty good music, too. You boys like Captain Beefheart? Well, you will soon.
Jonathan Vilma: Wait a minute: this is the guy you got? He’s one of the Ryan brothers. Man, they practically invented bounties.
Rob: Invented? No way, compadre. Believe me, I tried getting the trademark. Then I found out it takes more work than kicking the shite out of whoever has the trademark to get it. Whole patent system is broke, if you ask me.
Roman Harper: This is ridiculous. Goodell is gonna be all over us.
Rob: Let that narrow-assed rich boy grill us all he wants. It is true that my daddy was all about the bounties. One time, he paid me and Rex $35 apiece to kneecap a radio guy who questioned his schemes. We would have done it for free, but dad loved his boys. Wanted to make sure we had cash on hand for whores. But he was also smart about it. No way Buddy would have been caught asking players to injure quarterbacks on tape. That documentarian wouldn’t have been allowed to leave the building in one piece.
Vilma: So, what, we’re just supposed to be super secretive about it?
Rob: Oh no, it’s a different era than it was back then. Headhunting alone won’t get it done. You have to wage biological warfare. That’s why I already got on the horn and got a shipment of scorpion dick extract mailed here from Ray Lewis’ guy. That stuff works wonders. fricks up a QB’s nervous system like nothing else. Thanks to Sean’s lady, we’re gonna get that in Matt Ryan’s system before the end of the week.
Curtis Lofton: I mean, I don’t know about this.
Rob: Uh oh, we gotta dissenter in the ranks. This sounds a job for the woodchipper.
Sean Payton: Woohoo! The Saints are back!
LINK
Posted on 2/12/13 at 7:50 am to blueslover
meh, i'm a little disappointed I took the time to read that
Posted on 2/12/13 at 7:54 am to Fearthehat0307
I read a portion of it. It reads like a puppet show.
Posted on 2/12/13 at 8:00 am to blueslover
I lol'd , 7/10. This guy is good, but he aint no Grand Master Wang
Posted on 2/12/13 at 8:02 am to blueslover
quote:
I fricking love New Orleans. The whole town smells like beef bouillon and pussy.
Posted on 2/12/13 at 8:43 am to blueslover
I get a pretty good chuckle out of most of the stuff on KSK. This was amusing.
Posted on 2/12/13 at 9:21 am to blueslover
Anyone know who that chick is with Payton??
** sits patiently with google open **
** sits patiently with google open **
Posted on 2/12/13 at 9:33 am to blueslover
A good laugh to start the morning. I got a mental picture of Rob Ryan busting out the door with a beer in hand yelling "ow-ooo!!!!"
Posted on 2/12/13 at 9:34 am to blueslover
CSP is winning at the game of life.
Posted on 2/12/13 at 9:44 am to swagsurfin7
quote:
A good laugh to start the morning. I got a mental picture of Rob Ryan busting out the door with a beer in hand yelling "ow-ooo!!!!"
Like the fricking KoolAid man.
Posted on 2/12/13 at 10:05 am to Hoodoo Man
quote:
Jozzylyyyn
I got that, but when I search Jozzylyyyn, nothing comes up.
Posted on 2/12/13 at 10:11 am to Tygerfan
Maybe it's not her real name!
Posted on 2/12/13 at 10:11 am to yurintroubl
quote:
Like the fricking KoolAid man
Posted on 2/12/13 at 10:15 am to Tygerfan
quote:
quote:
Jozzylyyyn
I got that, but when I search Jozzylyyyn, nothing comes up.
Sounds like you need to buy some little blue pills.
Posted on 2/12/13 at 10:18 am to Patrick O Rly
quote:
Maybe it's not her real name!
Posted on 2/12/13 at 10:50 am to blueslover
Profesional sports fanfic...
Posted on 2/12/13 at 10:55 am to Patrick O Rly
quote:
Maybe it's not her real name!
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