Top 5 Bum Wines | TigerDroppings.com

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JOJO Hammer
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Top 5 Bum Wines



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Cisco
Known as “liquid crack,” for its reputation for wreaking more mental havoc than the cheapest tequila. Something in this syrupy hooch seems to have a synapse-blasting effect not unlike low-grade cocaine. The label insists that the ingredients are merely “citrus wine & grape wine with artificial flavor & artificial color,” but anyone who has tried it knows better. Tales of Cisco-induced semi-psychotic fits are common. Often, people on a Cisco binge end up curled into a fetal ball, shuddering and muttering paranoid rants. Nudity and violence may well be involved too. Everyone who drinks this feels great at first, and claims, “It’s not bad at all, I like it.” But, you really do not want to mess around with this one, because they all sing a different tune a few minutes later. And by tune, I mean the psychotic ramblings of a raging naked bum.

MD 20/20
As majestic as the cascading waters of a drainpipe, MD 20/20 is bottled by the 20/20 Wine Company in Westfield, New York. This is a good place to start for the street wine rookie, but beware; this dog has a bite to back up its bark. MD Stands for Mogen David, and is affectionately called “Mad Dog 20/20?. You’ll find this beverage as often in a bum’s nest as in the rock quarry where the high school kids sneak off to drink. This beverage is likely the most consumed by non-bums, but that doesn’t stop any bums from drinking it! Our research indicates that MD 20/20 is the best of the bum wines at making you feel warm inside. Some test subjects report a slight numbing agent in MD 20/20, similar to the banana paste that the dentist puts in your mouth before injecting it with Novocaine. Anyone that can afford a dentist should steer clear of this disaster.

Night Train Express
Don’t let the 0.5% less alcohol by volume fool you, the Night Train is all business when it pulls into the station. All aboard to nowhere – woo woo! The Night Train runs only one route: sober to stupid with no roundtrip tickets available, and a strong likelihood of a train wreck along the way

Thunderbird
Look for the pigeon feces and you’ll find this old bird. As soon as you taste this swill, it will be obvious that its makers cut every corner possible in its production to make it cheap.
Anyways, if your taste buds are shot, and you need to get trashed with a quickness, then “T-bird” is the drink for you. Or, if you like to smell your hand after pumping gas, look no further than Thunderbird. As you drink on, the bird soars higher while you sink lower. The undisputed leader of the five in foulness of flavor, we highly discourage drinking this ghastly mixture of unknown chemicals unless you really are a bum
The history of Thunderbird is as interesting as the drunken effects one experiences from the wine. When Prohibition ended, Ernest Gallo and his brothers Julio and Joe wanted to corner the young wine market. Earnest wanted the company to become “the Campbell Soup Company of the wine industry” so he started selling Thunderbird in the ghettos around the country. Their radio ads featured a song that sang, “What’s the word? / Thunderbird / How’s it sold? / Good and cold / What’s the jive? / Bird’s alive / What’s the price? / Thirty twice.” It is said that Ernest once drove through a tough, inner city neighborhood and pulled over when he saw a bum. When Gallo rolled down his window and called out, “What’s the word?” the immediate answer from the bum was, “Thunderbird.”
WARNING: This light yellow liquid turns your lips and mouth black! A mysterious chemical reaction similar to disappearing-reappearing ink makes you look like you’ve been chewing on hearty clumps of charcoal.

Wild Irish Rose
Field reporter “Greyham” brings us this report: Here is Wild I’s devastating new addition, “Wild Fruit with Ginseng”. I’ll be honest with you: the normal Wild I has turned into some sort of fierce energy drink gone wrong mixed with the original to create a bum-worthy migraine-inducing concoction. I purchased a 750 mL which goes for 3.99 and a 375 mL which goes for 2.59 (at least here in FL). Word on the streets here is that the bums are wary of it. I talked to a couple that said they’d prefer to “stick with what’s tried and true”. Apparently, they haven’t accepted it yet as the real deal. As for me, I drank the 375mL on a semi-full stomach and was just ruined by the stuff. The flavor retains its same potent Wild I nastiness but has a whole new bouquet of fruity flavor added as well (potentially aimed at bums of the female persuasion). Upon completion of the 375, I was thoroughly inebriated and found myself honestly wondering where my next fix of the stuff was going to come from. This scared me so I immediately started drinking water….here’s the best part. After that relatively small bottle, I didn’t piss until the next evening despite drinking copious amounts of water. There is DEFINITELY something in this stuff that dehydrates you…possibly the “ginseng” or whatever it is that they added to this already foul stuff









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CurDog
LSU Fan
Member since Jan 2007
25399 posts

re: Top 5 Bum Wines


damn. i have had all of those and they are nasty, but cheap





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Cold Pizza
Ohio State Fan
Member since Sep 2011
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re: Top 5 Bum Wines


quote:

MD 20/20


Ruined may Sundays in college.






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Random LSU Hero
UTEP Fan
Baton Rouge
Member since Aug 2011
5669 posts

re: Top 5 Bum Wines


quote:

MD 20/20




This is the 2nd drunkest I have ever been. It was even money whether I'd wake up the next morning. And when I did I had grass stains all over my shirt and pants and I have ZERO clue how.



P.S. the drunkest was Wild Turkey



This post was edited on 12/12 at 2:33 pm


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iAmBatman
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re: Top 5 Bum Wines




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JOJO Hammer
Nicholls St. Fan
Getting a barbed wire tribal tat
Member since Nov 2010
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re: Top 5 Bum Wines


quote:

P.S. the drunkest was Wild Turkey


Had some good times with Wild Turkey 101.
We used to have wild turkey fridays, where we'd go out and drink that stuff on the rocks.

We ended it after things got a little out of hand one night, when we drank one of the bars out of both wild turkey 80 and 101






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HeadSlash
Army Fan
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re: Top 5 Bum Wines


Where's the White Pope?





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Random LSU Hero
UTEP Fan
Baton Rouge
Member since Aug 2011
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re: Top 5 Bum Wines


quote:

We ended it after things got a little out of hand one night, when we drank one of the bars out of both wild turkey 80 and 101










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JOJO Hammer
Nicholls St. Fan
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re: Top 5 Bum Wines


quote:

LINK


quote:

iAmBatman


LINK






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BilJ
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Shady's
Member since Sep 2003
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re: Top 5 Bum Wines


thunderbird

last place in our FF league has to down a bunch of this






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SCUBABlake
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RIP WT6
Member since Jan 2008
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re: Top 5 Bum Wines


Boone's Farm didn't make the list.





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iAmBatman
USA Fan
The Batcave
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re: Top 5 Bum Wines


I ra'd to move







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Boats n Hose
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NOLA
Member since Apr 2011
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re: Top 5 Bum Wines


Mogen David or Franzia is the only way to go here





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Tactical1
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re: Top 5 Bum Wines








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Josh Fenderman
Alabama Fan
Ron Don Volante's PlayPen
Member since Jul 2011
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re: Top 5 Bum Wines


Thread title misleading. I thought this thread would be about preferred buttchugging wines.





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JOJO Hammer
Nicholls St. Fan
Getting a barbed wire tribal tat
Member since Nov 2010
6600 posts

re: Top 5 Bum Wines


quote:

I ra'd to move



LINK






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ShoeBang
New Orleans Pelicans Fan
Member since May 2012
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re: Top 5 Bum Wines


I know someone who jumped off a third story balcony after ingesting more than his share of Wild Irish Rose.

He has 2 fake vertebrae now.






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RogerTheShrubber
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re: Top 5 Bum Wines


quote:


Thunderbird


Good times in HS....

GnR put out a salute to Night Train.

quote:

I got a Molotov cocktail with a match to go
I smoke my cigarette with style
An I can tell you honey
You can make my money tonight
Wake up late honey put on your clothes
Take your credit card to the liquor store
That's one for you and two for me by tonight
I'll be
Loaded like a freight train
Flyin' like an aeroplane
Feelin' like a space brain
One more time tonight








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UPT
NOLA
Member since May 2009
3897 posts

re: Top 5 Bum Wines


No Andre Champagne?

For shame.

Cold Duck ftmfw.






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12
Ark-Pine Bluff Fan
Nashville
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re: Top 5 Bum Wines


I've had all of those except Night Train. I was surprised Boone's Farm missed the cut. I was all about the Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill when I was 15.





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