re: Let's Overanalyze "Home Alone" and "Home Alone 2"

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IRL that would go something like this:

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(1) The amount of parental negligence is truly staggering. Why haven't the McAllister's noted that their overweight aggressive son has a food stash in his room coupled with pornography. It is clear that his over aggressive tendencies and excessive over eating and masterbation habits are turning him into some sort of sexual deviant who would likely slaughter them all in their sleep. Also, I know it's the early 90's, but what family with a $2 million home in the suburbs of the mean streets of Chicago doesn't have an alarm system.

(2) Any local police agency in an affluent suburb would be conducting regular patrols in an area where the townspeople are known to take long vacation trips. The old lady down my street complained about the fire trucks using our street as a passing corridor and now they aren't allowed down our street unless they are on a call. You mean to tell me a street full of upper middle class likley millionaires aren't going to have private police patrol? Whatevs.

(3) Kevin's knowledge of physics, probabilities, espionage and diversionary tactics would put his IQ somewhere in the range of genius. However, his skills of logic and deduciton haven't shown him that the furnace is indeed not a living entity that should be feared.

(4) The Wet Bandits are the worst criminals I have ever seen or heard of. They choose to divest themselves of the protection of anonymity by leaving a "calling card" at the scene of every crime. Wouldn't the water company make a house call due to excessive usage in the area? In addition they choose to enter the homes throught various back doors and windows, rather than simply kicking in the front door and closing it behind them.

IRL: Harry and Marv break into the house via the front door and do a quick sweep to secure the perimiter. While doing so, fully shoed, they crunch on ornaments and knock over a precariously placed fan with feather's nearby. They see a small boy at the top of the staircase and easily assail that steps two at a time and overtake the small boy attempting to throw full paint cans with his puny arms. Harry then questions the boy while Marv checks the rest of the house. Upon Marv's return he finds Harry standing over the body of young Kevin, having accidentially suffocated the child while trying to keep him from screaming so much. After a brief argument, Marv and Harry carry the limp body of the child to the basement where the furnace, that was once a source of so much fear in Kevin's life, finally is used to incinerate his body. His parents return home to find the house ransacked. Kevin's parents never find their son and their marriage crumbles after a having to defend themselves on child neglect charges and many years of guilt. Kevin's father leaves Chicago, while Kevin's mother stays in the house and turns to alcohol and barbituates as a means to cope. She dies of an overdose 7 years later. The house is sold and while a home inspector checks the furnace, the tiny femur bones and skull fragments of Kevin McAllister are found in the bottom of the furnace. At the side of the furnace lies a box of Stouffer's Macaroni and Cheese with the words, "For Kevin" written on the front.

FIN

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IRL: Harry and Marv break into the house via the front door and do a quick sweep to secure the perimiter. While doing so, fully shoed, they crunch on ornaments and knock over a precariously placed fan with feather's nearby. They see a small boy at the top of the staircase and easily assail that steps two at a time and overtake the small boy attempting to throw full paint cans with his puny arms. Harry then questions the boy while Marv checks the rest of the house. Upon Marv's return he finds Harry standing over the body of young Kevin, having accidentially suffocated the child while trying to keep him from screaming so much. After a brief argument, Marv and Harry carry the limp body of the child to the basement where the furnace, that was once a source of so much fear in Kevin's life, finally is used to incinerate his body. His parents return home to find the house ransacked. Kevin's parents never find their son and their marriage crumbles after a having to defend themselves on child neglect charges and many years of guilt. Kevin's father leaves Chicago, while Kevin's mother stays in the house and turns to alcohol and barbituates as a means to cope. She dies of an overdose 7 years later. The house is sold and while a home inspector checks the furnace, the tiny femur bones and skull fragments of Kevin McAllister are found in the bottom of the furnace. At the side of the furnace lies a box of Stouffer's Macaroni and Cheese with the words, "For Kevin" written on the fron

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I want to go cry now.

I was going to include a part were Harry sexually assaults Kevin while Marv is out, like in From Dusk Til Dawn, but it is the holidays.

As an aside, how come no one has ever discussed the way that Kevin devised these booby traps. He was seriously just short of the Viet Cong. A tar covered foot being pierced by a rust nail, sharp glass in those same damaged feet. Branding via the doorknob. Flame thrower to the face. Deadly tarantuala bites. I half expected Harry and Marv to step on shite covered bamboo reeds or have a three year old Vietnamese toddler walk up to them holding a grenade with the pin pulled.

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As an aside, how come no one has ever discussed the way that Kevin devised these booby traps. He was seriously just short of the Viet Cong. A tar covered foot being pierced by a rust nail, sharp glass in those same damaged feet. Branding via the doorknob. Flame thrower to the face. Deadly tarantuala bites. I half expected Harry and Marv to step on shite covered bamboo reeds or have a three year old Vietnamese toddler walk up to them holding a grenade with the pin pulled.

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Papercutninja

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You are on fire in this thread. I will never watch the movie the same way again.

I will however try to watch it next time it's on and take some notes to add to this thread.

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Essentially this movie was a propaganda film wherein John Hughes and Chris Columbus make their case for the use of child soldiers. Do you really think it was a coincidence that so many African nations began using child soldiers during the conflicts of the 1990's? Something to think about...

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this?

Home Alone does start in a few minutes on ABC family if anyone is interested.

"There's no one home. The house looks secure. Tell them to count their kids again." ....might be the worst cops ever