College Football in the South vs North | TigerDroppings.com

Posted byMessage
BooDreaux
LSU Fan
Orlandeaux
Member since Sep 2011
615 posts

College Football in the South vs North



If Germans....then I apologize...it's long though I laughed more than once!!

College Football Time...
Planning for the fall football season in the South is radically different
than up North. For those who are planning a football trip South, here are
some helpful hints..

Women's Accessories:


NORTH: Chap Stick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a
fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for.


Stadium Size:

NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

Fathers:

NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

Campus Decor:

NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.

Homecoming Queen:

NORTH: Also a physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America .

Heroes:

NORTH: Rudy Giuliani
SOUTH: Archie, Peyton & Eli Manning

Getting Tickets:

NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus,
make a large financial contribution and put name on a waiting list for
tickets.


Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:

NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because
they have classes on Friday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few
hung over students that might actually make it to class.


Parking:

NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game
parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the
weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.


Game Day:

NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to
where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the
idiots up north who wonder why "Game Day Live" is never Broadcast from their
campus.


Tailgating:

NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio
station with truck tailgate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking
accompanied by live performance from the Dave Matthews Band,... who come
over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.


Getting to the Stadium:

NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it is the state's
third largest city.


Concessions:

NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on it,
filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.


When National Anthem is Played:

NORTH : Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.

The Smell in the Air After the First Score:

NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.

Commentary (Male):

NORTH: "Nice play."
SOUTH: "Dangit, you slow idiot - tackle him and break his legs."


Commentary (Female):

NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."
SOUTH: "Dangit, you slow idiot - tackle him and break his legs."

Announcers:

NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in
his eye because he is so proud of his team.

After the Game:

NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker, while somebody goes to the
nearest package store for more bourbon, and planning begins for next week's
game.


Nothing else in the universe comes even halfway close to the glories of
Southern football!

______________________________


And for SEC Fans:

HOW MANY SEC STUDENTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?

At VANDERBILT: it takes two, one to change the bulb and one more to explain
how they did it every bit as good as the bulbs changed at Harvard.

At GEORGIA : it takes two, one to change the bulb and one to phone an
engineer at Georgia Tech for instructions.

At FLORIDA : it takes four, one to screw in the bulb and three to figure out
how to get stoned off the old one.

At ALABAMA : it takes five, one to change it, three to reminisce about how
The Bear would have done it, and one to throw the old bulb at an NCAA
investigator.

At OLE MISS: it takes six, one to change it, two to mix the drinks and three
to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.

At LSU: it takes seven, and each one gets credit for five Semester hours.

At KENTUCKY : it takes eight, one to screw it in and seven to discuss how
much brighter it seems to shine during basketball season.

At TENNESSEE : it takes ten, two to figure out how to screw it in, two to buy
an orange lampshade, and six to phone a radio call-in show and talk about
how much they hate Alabama .

At MISSISSIPPI STATE : it takes fifteen, one to screw in the bulb, two to buy
the Skoal, and twelve to yell, "GO TO HELL, OLE MISS".

At AUBURN: it takes one hundred, one to change it, forty-nine to talk about
how they did it better than at Bama, and fifty to get drunk and roll
Toomer's Corner when finished.

At SOUTH CAROLINA : it takes 80,000, one to screw it in and 79,999 to discuss
how this finally will be the year that they have a decent football team.

At ARKANSAS : None. There is no electricity in Arkansas



This post was edited on 9/27 at 8:09 pm



Back to top
Share:
dreaux
LSU Fan
baton rouge
Member since Oct 2006
37915 posts

re: College Football in the South vs North


W
H
A
T


T
H
E


F
U
C
K






Back to top
The Truth 34
LSU Fan
Pete Maravich Assembly Center
Member since May 2010
25633 posts
 Online 

re: College Football in the South vs North


this is so old, it's balls are dragging on the ground.





Back to top
Jumbeauxlaya
LSU Fan
LSU
Member since Jan 2011
18038 posts

re: College Football in the South vs North


quote:


Women's Accessories:
NORTH: Chap Stick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a
fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for.


Can I take the North woman here?






Back to top
  Replies (0)
Eighteen
LSU Fan
Member since Dec 2006
16615 posts

re: College Football in the South vs North


this is older than Germany itself





Back to top
  Replies (0)
Uncommon Cents
LSU Fan
Baton Rouge
Member since May 2008
14381 posts

re: College Football in the South vs North


Prussian





Back to top
BooDreaux
LSU Fan
Orlandeaux
Member since Sep 2011
615 posts

re: College Football in the South vs North


OK...beat me.....I must have been under a rock for 57 years....I don't remember ever seeing it....perhaps I should be repeatedly.....

Shall I remove it? If I can???






Back to top
COPIOUStiger1
LSU Fan
goin' back SOUTH OLE SONS
Member since Nov 2005
1368 posts

re: College Football in the South vs North


yes...remove it





Back to top
c on z
LSU Fan
Baton Rouge, La.
Member since Mar 2009
65694 posts
 Online 

re: College Football in the South vs North


quote:

NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.


Is this a joke?






Back to top
  Replies (0)
Nedreaux
LSU Fan
San Diego
Member since Sep 2011
177 posts

re: College Football in the South vs North


quote:

Shall I remove it? If I can???


Child please! Just because it is old doesn't mean it isn't good for a laugh. Look at Lou Holtz for example... he's old as shite but I still at him all the time. Leave it up. There's someone who hasn't seen it yet that will appreciate it. Or someone who has and appreciates it anyway.







Back to top
  Replies (0)
32tigers
LSU Fan
leesville
Member since Nov 2006
760 posts

re: College Football in the South vs North


Hell naw you posted it altho it was old but it's still funny screw these smartass pusses that criticize everybody else's posts





Back to top
  Replies (0)
CottonWasKing
LSU Fan
4,8,15,16,23,42
Member since Jun 2011
15429 posts

re: College Football in the South vs North


I chuckled a little bit





Back to top
  Replies (0)
AtlantaLSUfan
LSU Fan
now back in Baton Rouge
Member since Mar 2009
8938 posts

re: College Football in the South vs North


It's ok, he's a newbie.

Welcome

Now, save that kinda stuff for email forwards. Here we talk sports.






Back to top
  Replies (0)
Doc Fenton
LSU Fan
Member since Feb 2007
51086 posts

re: College Football in the South vs North


quote:

this is so old, it's balls are dragging on the ground.


When I first used email around 1998, this was one of the very first chain emails I ever received.

:cool story bro:






Back to top
  Replies (0)
TigerPaul2
LSU Fan
Member since Oct 2008
300 posts

re: College Football in the South vs North


Wags like you make the world brighter. Thanks also for the hard work.





Back to top
  Replies (0)


Back to top