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When did you start making your own decisions? (Adulthood helicopter parent thread)
Posted on 9/25/23 at 9:39 pm
Posted on 9/25/23 at 9:39 pm
I was around 18-19 and haven't looked back. I've never been super close with my parents but have noticed how many 30-40 years old seemingly have helicopter parents who continued well to butt in well into adulthood. Fully taking all their advice when it comes to big decisions like buying cars, houses, jobs, dealing with insurance etc.
I'm not talking asking for advice. I'm talking, taking your 50-70 year old parent with you to shop for those items etc.
I'm not talking asking for advice. I'm talking, taking your 50-70 year old parent with you to shop for those items etc.
39
Posted on 9/25/23 at 9:40 pm to Billy Blanks
The OT decides for me.
Posted on 9/25/23 at 9:42 pm to Billy Blanks
Sorry I wasn’t there for you more. I just didn’t like you.
Posted on 9/25/23 at 9:43 pm to Billy Blanks
Folks allowed me a lot of leeway starting early. Kind of started at 18 but they stopped doing anything beyond background advice at 22 or 23.
Posted on 9/25/23 at 9:43 pm to Billy Blanks
16. My parents quit asking me when I stopped asking them for money.
I try to get input from my Dad to this dsy and all I get is "I raised you, you grown, handle it yourself."
I try to get input from my Dad to this dsy and all I get is "I raised you, you grown, handle it yourself."
This post was edited on 9/25/23 at 9:54 pm
Posted on 9/25/23 at 9:44 pm to Billy Blanks
18.
Never looked back. I love my mom and dad and siblings but there’s a lot of bad decisions in that crew.
Never looked back. I love my mom and dad and siblings but there’s a lot of bad decisions in that crew.
Posted on 9/25/23 at 9:47 pm to Billy Blanks
My parents now need my advice…That’s how gen X I am.
This post was edited on 9/25/23 at 9:47 pm
Posted on 9/25/23 at 9:48 pm to Billy Blanks
quote:
Fully taking all their advice when it comes to big decisions like buying cars, houses, jobs, dealing with insurance etc.
That’s between me and my wife, why would I talk to my mother about any of that? Maybe if my father was still around, but probably not.
Posted on 9/25/23 at 9:49 pm to Billy Blanks
I was years younger than that, when I went to college after skipping my senior year of HS. To be fair, I was living in the dorms on a meal plan. I was a 12 hour drive from home, and didn't have a car. No Internet, we used stamped letters to communicate, so I had to be pretty independent.
Posted on 9/25/23 at 9:53 pm to Billy Blanks
OP spot on
Posted on 9/25/23 at 9:58 pm to Billy Blanks
quote:I would give anything for advice from my parents again… I miss them so much
Fully taking all their advice when it comes to big decisions like buying cars, houses, jobs, dealing with insurance etc.
Posted on 9/25/23 at 10:01 pm to Billy Blanks
I rejected my parent’s religion shortly after I turned 15. After that, I guess I just assumed I was pretty much in charge of my life. For better or for worse. And that’s not to say that my parents didn’t love and support me because they did.
Posted on 9/25/23 at 10:02 pm to Billy Blanks
Went to college at 18. Parents helped pay for car insurance and school items like textbooks. I paid my own living expenses like rent, food, bills, fun, etc. They had nothing to do with where I lived or what I spent.
Bought a house at 24 and my dad was by my side through the process to help. But I picked out the house and all that on my own. He was there to walk me through the process.
That’s about it really.
Bought a house at 24 and my dad was by my side through the process to help. But I picked out the house and all that on my own. He was there to walk me through the process.
That’s about it really.
Posted on 9/25/23 at 10:03 pm to Billy Blanks
quote:
When did you start making your own decisions?
I was around 18-19 ...
Most of us did that at that age. Some of us continued to grow up and realize there are still things to be learned from our parents. My dad had great boundaries and didn't butt into my life. But I went to him for advice b/c he was honest and didn't take it personally whether I heeded the advice or not. I'm knocking on 50 and I wish he was still around b/c I'd love to hear his feedback on some things right now. The man had a lifetime of experience and he was willing to let me learn from it as much as I wanted. My only regret is not learning more when I had the chance.
quote:
I'm not talking asking for advice. I'm talking, taking your 50-70 year old parent with you to shop for those items etc.
Taking a parent with you shopping is just a different form of advice seeking. It's not something I ever did, but I wouldn't judge someone for it. Making an informed decision is something more people should do.
I sent my dad this quote when I was in my late 20's. “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” While I came to the same conclusion that Mark Twain did, I just did it in my mid to late 20's.
This post was edited on 9/25/23 at 10:05 pm
Posted on 9/25/23 at 10:03 pm to Billy Blanks
I won't stop beating this drum cause I saw how bad it wrecked my sister....this shite needs to happen when you step out the door for college. I and alot of people I know did that...stumbled and learned.
My mom lived 4 feet up my sisters arse and she let her. My mom would make appointments for her, grocery shop with her, do her laundry and call her everyday about what happened. Next thing you know she's an adult with severe anxiety about everything. It took her till just about now (she's 27) to break away and start doing for herself.
What's worse is her and my moms relationship is wrecked. My mom internalized this as normal over the years so when my sister finally became an adult, she lost it. She hates my sisters fiance as he's surly the guy who took her away.
The normal separation NEEDS to happen
My mom lived 4 feet up my sisters arse and she let her. My mom would make appointments for her, grocery shop with her, do her laundry and call her everyday about what happened. Next thing you know she's an adult with severe anxiety about everything. It took her till just about now (she's 27) to break away and start doing for herself.
What's worse is her and my moms relationship is wrecked. My mom internalized this as normal over the years so when my sister finally became an adult, she lost it. She hates my sisters fiance as he's surly the guy who took her away.
The normal separation NEEDS to happen
This post was edited on 9/25/23 at 11:01 pm
Posted on 9/25/23 at 10:08 pm to HempHead
quote:
Folks allowed me a lot of leeway starting early. Kind of started at 18 but they stopped doing anything beyond background advice at 22 or 23.
About the same for me. I was a pretty responsible kid and really didn't get in any trouble. Once I graduated college and got my first full time job that's really when I started making a lot of decisions on my own, but I still relied on my mom for advice for some stuff I had no experience with.
Posted on 9/25/23 at 10:12 pm to Billy Blanks
My parents were great about letting us venture out on our own and do the adult things. That made us grow into decision makers and made us responsible for those decisions.
Posted on 9/25/23 at 10:14 pm to Billy Blanks
About the same age as you, maybe closer to 20.
My parents were never the helicopter type, but we’re really close. I ask for their input far more than they offer it unsolicited. I view them as successful in every way that’s important to me, so their approval of my life choices (when they do approve) makes me feel like I’m on the right track… but lack of their approval wouldn’t stop me from ultimately doing what I want.
My parents were never the helicopter type, but we’re really close. I ask for their input far more than they offer it unsolicited. I view them as successful in every way that’s important to me, so their approval of my life choices (when they do approve) makes me feel like I’m on the right track… but lack of their approval wouldn’t stop me from ultimately doing what I want.
Posted on 9/25/23 at 10:23 pm to BowDownToLSU
quote:I lost my mom last month. Lost my dad WAYYYYYYYY too early. 100% bro.
I would give anything for advice from my parents again… I miss them so much
Posted on 9/25/23 at 10:27 pm to Billy Blanks
Probably 20 but it took me 21 more years to make better decisions.
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