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What's your favorite Mitch Hedberg joke?
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:29 pm
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:29 pm
Totally random. Was listening to Mitch Hedberg this morning taking kids to school, and even though I have heard everything 100x, some of them still make me crack up. RIP.
This one is one of my favorites:
“I think Pringles' original intention was to make tennis balls... But on the day the rubber was supposed to show up, a truckload of potatoes came. Pringles is a laid-back company, so they just said "frick it, cut em up!"”
This one is one of my favorites:
“I think Pringles' original intention was to make tennis balls... But on the day the rubber was supposed to show up, a truckload of potatoes came. Pringles is a laid-back company, so they just said "frick it, cut em up!"”
47
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:31 pm to concrete_tiger
“I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to too.”
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:31 pm to concrete_tiger
Man I used to love Mitch Hedberg jokes.
I still do, but I used to too.
I still do, but I used to too.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:31 pm to concrete_tiger
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:31 pm to WG_Dawg
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:32 pm to concrete_tiger
I want to try fried beans. Maybe they are just as good as re fried beans and we are wasting time with adding a step.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:32 pm to tigeralum06
quote:
“I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to too.”
Brilliance. I don't love all of his stuff, but this joke is simple and pure brilliance.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:32 pm to concrete_tiger
(no message)
This post was edited on 3/27/24 at 1:34 pm
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:33 pm to concrete_tiger
"I don't have a girlfriend, but I do know a woman that'd be mad at me for saying that."
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:33 pm to concrete_tiger
I saw a commercial on late night TV, it said, "Forget everything you know about slipcovers." So I did. And it was a load off my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell me slipcovers, and I didn't know what the hell they were
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:33 pm to North Dallas Tiger
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:35 pm to concrete_tiger
My two favorite:
"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read."
"You know when you go to a restaurant on the weekends, it's busy, so they start a waiting list? They start calling out names, they say "Dufrane, party of two. Table ready for Dufrane, party of two." And if no one answers, they'll say their name again. "Dufrane, party of two." But then if no one answers they'll just go right on to the next name. "Bush, party of three." Yeah, but what happened to the Dufranes? No one seems to care. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing. You people are selfish. The Dufranes are in someone's trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths. And they're hungry - that's a double whammy. We need help. "Bush, SEARCH party of three! You can eat once you find the Dufranes."
"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read."
"You know when you go to a restaurant on the weekends, it's busy, so they start a waiting list? They start calling out names, they say "Dufrane, party of two. Table ready for Dufrane, party of two." And if no one answers, they'll say their name again. "Dufrane, party of two." But then if no one answers they'll just go right on to the next name. "Bush, party of three." Yeah, but what happened to the Dufranes? No one seems to care. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing. You people are selfish. The Dufranes are in someone's trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths. And they're hungry - that's a double whammy. We need help. "Bush, SEARCH party of three! You can eat once you find the Dufranes."
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:35 pm to concrete_tiger
Paraphrasing: I like rice. It’s the best thing to eat when I want a thousand of something.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:35 pm to concrete_tiger
My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, but I said "No... but I want a regular banana later, so yeah."
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:37 pm to concrete_tiger
I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign, only an escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:37 pm to Damone
Ha that’s a good one
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:37 pm to Damone
quote:
My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, but I said "No... but I want a regular banana later, so yeah."
Along those lines..
I saw a wino eating grapes. I was like, hey man, you gotta wait a while
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:38 pm to MightyYat
quote:
Bush, SEARCH party of three! You can eat once you find the Dufranes."
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:39 pm to Damone
As beloved as Mitch was/is, I still think he was pretty underrated. Most of his comedy was so fricking simple yet so hilarious. I always found that most of his jokes were things I could've thought of at one point or another, but I never did. I guess I like him because his humor was relatable for me.
Two of my favorites (the "I don't have a gf" and "Dufresne, party of 2" ones) have been mentioned already.
Two of my favorites (the "I don't have a gf" and "Dufresne, party of 2" ones) have been mentioned already.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:39 pm to concrete_tiger
“I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut; I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut.”
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