re: Sir and Ma'am..... Do you use it?

I still say it on occasion, but not to my parents

Yes sir, I sure do. It was beaten into me as a child, and it stuck with me.

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Drives people in NY crazy when i do that

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I quickly found that out when I moved to New York. Anytime I met a new co-worker or someone I knew I was going to interact with regularly, I would ask for permission first and explain that I was from the south and it was a sign of respect and not age. Once I started doing that I only had one woman that wasn't okay with me calling her ma'am.

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Responding to people with "ma'am" or "sir" comes off as sounding like queer role play or submissive/domination type of stuff.

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How could they "not mean" sir or maam?

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I'm assuming those words are an intention to convey respect. If they are said without obvious respect behind them, they can be said without meaning them. The same thing could be the case for telling someone thank you when you clearly don't mean it. You seem to be arguing for the idea that merely saying the words convey respect, whereas I disagree and feel that true respect can come with or without a set of words.

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It is one way to show respect, and in the South it's one of the most basic and widely recognized.

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I agree, but I think it's why it has little weight for me...because it's oftentimes (as in my anecdotal stories) seen as a default without much thought put in to WHY the words are used. when that happens, at least to me, the weight the words ought to carry drop away.

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That is strike 2 for you in this thread. Say crayfish and I may have to find you and throw you back over the Mason Dixon

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shite...I was born in Beaumont and lived my entire life either 30 minutes from New Orleans by parents/family born and raised in NOLA or in and around the Lafayette area since going to college in 1988. I've never once lived north of I-10. My southern cred is fine, despite my choice to not use y'all, thanks.

haha

yeah

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What does this mean? Your boys never need correction immediately?

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I mean I don;t raise my children to do things simply because I do them reflexively. I apologize for the in-artful way I wrote that previously.

There are things I still do as an adult that I do largely because some adult had me do it as a child that in most cases made no sense but THEY did them because their parents did, and theirs before them, etc largely without really thinking about the "why." I try and think about the "why" before instructing my boys. If there is a solid "why," I have no problem going with the flow and insisting on behavior that falls in line with the norm. If there isn't one, then I'm ok with allowing whatever tradition that is to fall away.

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But I see way too many parents that have grown to accept absolutely terrible behavior and seem to accept and basically defend it, taking all kinds of odd stances.

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Oh, I agree...and I hope I've been clear that my little stance on this does not, in any way, suggest I don't expect my children to behave well in public or to be respectful to others...be they adults or other kids. I hate being around parents that allow their kids to do anything and disrupt those around them. That's not at all what I'm advocating or suggesting. Only that my choice to not force my kids to say sir or ma'am lumps me in with the dipshits that refuse to parents their kids...because I'm not.

Yes, I generally say it towards people with whom I'm not very familiar. This includes people that work at Walmart or McDonald's or wherever. To me, I hope it conveys the idea that I respect them and that I don't think I'm better than them.

However, I don't say it to people that I work with, even if it's a superior or a client because it makes you sound like a kiss-arse. If I don't call everyone sir, I'm certainly not calling the boss by it because it would be pretty transparent.

ETA: The people knocking the practice for sounding antiquated or attributing it to some ridiculous class structure are just rationalizing their own lack of courtesy and respect.

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Yeah, but there are plenty of elders that don't deserve it. I teach my kids to respect everyone until they give you a reason not to.

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Goes without saying

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I also tell them that other people's opinions shouldn't dictate how they act.

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Well then don't mind me, carry on.