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Message
re: Post your funniest joke
Posted on 5/30/15 at 4:32 pm to TheJunction
Posted on 5/30/15 at 4:32 pm to TheJunction
So I was walking through the mall, and saw that there was a Muslim Book Store. I was wondering what exactly was in a Muslim Book store. so I went on in.
I was wandering around taking a look and the clerk stopped me asked if he could help me , I imagine I didn't look like his normal clientele.
So I asked for a copy of the U.S. Immigration Policy Book regarding Muslims.
The Clerk said, F * ck off, get out, and stay out!
I said, Yes, that's the one. Do you have that in paperback??
I was wandering around taking a look and the clerk stopped me asked if he could help me , I imagine I didn't look like his normal clientele.
So I asked for a copy of the U.S. Immigration Policy Book regarding Muslims.
The Clerk said, F * ck off, get out, and stay out!
I said, Yes, that's the one. Do you have that in paperback??
0
Posted on 5/30/15 at 4:40 pm to TheCaterpillar
quote:
I never get this insult about atheists. I am no atheist, but I see Jesus billboards everywhere, church live on TV on several channels, God and Jesus bumper stickers, religious shite all over facebook and instagram, people knocking on my door to spread the word of their religion, and gaudy crosses tattooed all over people or hanging around their necks.
Because there are way less dumb arse atheist folks
Posted on 5/30/15 at 4:56 pm to TheJunction
The 25 Best Anti-Jokes Ever:
1. A horse walked into a bar. Several people got up and left as they spotted the potential danger in the situation.
2. Yo mama so fat she should be concerned because diabetes is a serious problem.
3. How do you confuse a blonde?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her
4. Ask me if I am an orange.
“Are you an orange?”
Nope, I’m a person.
5. A priest, a rabbi, and a Muslim cleric walk into a bar. The cleric having abstained from alcohol due to religious constrictions, does not drink, and his friends decide to do the same. They spend the night laughing and having a good time.
6. Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes?
He uses the finest ingredients.
7. What do you call a black man on the moon?
An astronaut.
8. What’s red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.
9. A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a banana martini. The bartender thinks this is a little peculiar and then becomes aware that he is actually dreaming. He wakes up from his dream and begins to tell his wife about the ridiculous dream he had. His wife just ignores him, the man rolls over and begins to sob because he realizes his marriage is in shambles.
10. I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucked. He said,
“Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
11. What did Woody say to Buzz?
A lot. There were three movies.
12. A man walks into a bar.
His alcohol dependency is tearing his family apart.
13. I like my coffee like I like my women.
Without a penis.
14. An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree, watching a farmer go by. The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing, because owls can’t talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it’s a bird of prey.
15. What’s red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
16. Yo momma’s so ugly that your father no longer finds her attractive, and now their marriage is in trouble.
17. Why didn’t Jesus play hockey?
Because Baseball and Soccer are much more popular sports in Mexico.
18. What’s green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.
19. What do a duck and a bicycle have in common?
They both have handlebars… except for the duck.
20. What do a banana and a helicopter have in common?
Neither of them is a police officer.
21. What do you call a black man who flies a plane?
A pilot.
22. Why isn’t Helen Keller a good driver?
Because she’s dead.
23. Why couldn’t the dinosaur break through the brick wall?
I don’t know. I’m asking you the question.
24. What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
25. Why did the old woman put rainbow roller skates on her walker?
She has dementia.
1. A horse walked into a bar. Several people got up and left as they spotted the potential danger in the situation.
2. Yo mama so fat she should be concerned because diabetes is a serious problem.
3. How do you confuse a blonde?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her
4. Ask me if I am an orange.
“Are you an orange?”
Nope, I’m a person.
5. A priest, a rabbi, and a Muslim cleric walk into a bar. The cleric having abstained from alcohol due to religious constrictions, does not drink, and his friends decide to do the same. They spend the night laughing and having a good time.
6. Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes?
He uses the finest ingredients.
7. What do you call a black man on the moon?
An astronaut.
8. What’s red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.
9. A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a banana martini. The bartender thinks this is a little peculiar and then becomes aware that he is actually dreaming. He wakes up from his dream and begins to tell his wife about the ridiculous dream he had. His wife just ignores him, the man rolls over and begins to sob because he realizes his marriage is in shambles.
10. I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucked. He said,
“Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
11. What did Woody say to Buzz?
A lot. There were three movies.
12. A man walks into a bar.
His alcohol dependency is tearing his family apart.
13. I like my coffee like I like my women.
Without a penis.
14. An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree, watching a farmer go by. The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing, because owls can’t talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it’s a bird of prey.
15. What’s red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
16. Yo momma’s so ugly that your father no longer finds her attractive, and now their marriage is in trouble.
17. Why didn’t Jesus play hockey?
Because Baseball and Soccer are much more popular sports in Mexico.
18. What’s green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.
19. What do a duck and a bicycle have in common?
They both have handlebars… except for the duck.
20. What do a banana and a helicopter have in common?
Neither of them is a police officer.
21. What do you call a black man who flies a plane?
A pilot.
22. Why isn’t Helen Keller a good driver?
Because she’s dead.
23. Why couldn’t the dinosaur break through the brick wall?
I don’t know. I’m asking you the question.
24. What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
25. Why did the old woman put rainbow roller skates on her walker?
She has dementia.
Posted on 5/30/15 at 5:02 pm to TheJunction
quote:
TheJunction... went to the doctor with a frog perched on his forehead... the frog says, "Hey Doc, will you cut this wart off my arse?"
Posted on 5/30/15 at 8:13 pm to OMLandshark
quote:
I'd get banned for it.
Doooooo it!
Posted on 5/30/15 at 8:39 pm to burdman
The ocean called. They're running out of shrimp
Posted on 5/30/15 at 8:41 pm to TheJunction
What kind of olives are used to make extra virgin olive oil?
The ugly ones!
The ugly ones!
Posted on 5/30/15 at 8:50 pm to TheJunction
what's the difference between a Jew and a canoe?
Canoes tip.
Canoes tip.
Posted on 5/30/15 at 8:55 pm to John McClane
Why didn't Noah catch many fish while he was on the ark?
He only had 2 worms.
He only had 2 worms.
Posted on 5/30/15 at 8:57 pm to tigersaint26
A man walks into a psychiatrists office, naked but wrapped in Saran Wrap. The Doctor takes one look at him and says, "I can clearly see your nuts."
Posted on 5/30/15 at 9:02 pm to snizzle
What do you call an blonde that is upside down...
Brunette with bad breath.
Brunette with bad breath.
Posted on 5/30/15 at 9:04 pm to snizzle
What did one side of the pussy say to the other side? Don't look now but here comes those two nuts in that hot rod again. How do you find an old man in the dark? It's not hard.
Posted on 5/30/15 at 9:05 pm to TOPAL
A man walks into a doctors office:
Doctor - "you are fat"
Man - "I'd like a second opinion"
Doctor - "OK you're ugly as well"
Doctor - "you are fat"
Man - "I'd like a second opinion"
Doctor - "OK you're ugly as well"
Posted on 5/30/15 at 9:11 pm to Farkwad
quote:
13. I like my coffee like I like my women.
Without a penis.
That one will be used tomorrow when I get my daily cup of coffee at the McDonald's drive thru.
Posted on 5/30/15 at 9:21 pm to TheJunction
Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth both died and then arrived at closing time for entry to heaven. St. Peter said they had a quota and were one short. The other would have to go to hell. He needed a reason to let one in over the other.
Dolly unbuttoned her blouse, plopped out her magnificent breasts and said to St. Peter, "These are two of God's most perfect creations ever. Surely, the Lord would want to see these for all eternity?"
St. Peter nodded and replied, "Good show." Looking over to the Queen, he said, "And you? What do you have to say?"
The Queen just shook her head, with a wry smile on her face. She reached into her purse, grabbed a bottle of Perrier, gave it a good shake, then spread her legs, reached down and opened the spewing bottle and shoved it in her crotch and smiled.
St. Peter, looking at the Queen, said, "Good show, madam, good show! You are hereby granted entry into heaven."
Dolly was flabberghasted. She fumed, pointed to her tits and said, "You mean to tell me that this woman performs a rude act of hygiene and you let her in over these?"
Saint Peter looks at her and sadly says, "Well, Dolly, even here in heaven, a royal flush beats two of a kind."
Dolly unbuttoned her blouse, plopped out her magnificent breasts and said to St. Peter, "These are two of God's most perfect creations ever. Surely, the Lord would want to see these for all eternity?"
St. Peter nodded and replied, "Good show." Looking over to the Queen, he said, "And you? What do you have to say?"
The Queen just shook her head, with a wry smile on her face. She reached into her purse, grabbed a bottle of Perrier, gave it a good shake, then spread her legs, reached down and opened the spewing bottle and shoved it in her crotch and smiled.
St. Peter, looking at the Queen, said, "Good show, madam, good show! You are hereby granted entry into heaven."
Dolly was flabberghasted. She fumed, pointed to her tits and said, "You mean to tell me that this woman performs a rude act of hygiene and you let her in over these?"
Saint Peter looks at her and sadly says, "Well, Dolly, even here in heaven, a royal flush beats two of a kind."
Posted on 5/30/15 at 9:23 pm to TheJunction
My dick. I don't even have to say anything. They just see it and laugh.
Posted on 5/30/15 at 9:25 pm to HubbaBubba
Posted on 5/30/15 at 9:27 pm to TheJunction
I was driving home from work and I saw a man running down the street naked.
I asked him what happened
"you came home"
I asked him what happened
"you came home"
Posted on 5/30/15 at 9:30 pm to stuntman
A black Sunday school teacher was teaching her Sunday school class. She decided to make her students think real hard so she posed the question,When you die, what part of your body goes to heaven first? Immediately a little boy says yo feet. The teacher asked him why he said yo feet. He responded by saying that last night he passed by his parent's bedroom and his daddy was holding his mother down and her legs were raised up and she was screaming, Oh Lawd I's coming I's coming. The little boy said that when he saw and heard that, it's yo feet that goes to heaven first.
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