Personal Hygiene & Grooming Talk: Part 3 - Body Hair

After an overwhelmingly positive response to the previous two threads in the series ( Part 1 and Part 2) - especially from DrewDawg13 who was effusive in his praise of both threads - I'm thrilled to bring you Part 3 of the series, Body Hair.

There's a chance your woman is fine with the sweater you've grown on your body. There's also a chance she's not fine with it but doesn't want to hurt your feelings. That said, there's zero doubt that certain body hair is preventing you from living the life of a modern human.

I know what you're all wondering - "Pecker, what do you look like with no clothes on?" Do I look like a smooth twink? No. I'm too muscular (and masculine) to be a twink. Am I expertly manicured, trimmed and shaved in all the right ways? The answer is maybe, depending on what you're into. But for me, and the women who love me (and want to be loved by me), the answer is yes. I personally shave everything above my junk. I also shave my butt. I trim everything else.

Body hair is a little more difficult to nail down because what works for me and my female companion might not work for you and yours (or male companion, or whatever you're into - I'm not here to judge where you put your things, just how you look while you're doing whatever it is you do). That said, there are some basic principles here.


Part 3 - Body Hair


Let's start at the top and work our way down:

Eyebrows
There are certain areas where one must tread carefully. This is one of those areas. Cleaning up your brows not only requires a deft touch, it requires experience and a clear vision. Depending on how bad your situation is, you might be better off not touching these at all. Generally speaking, you're fine leaving them and letting them look natural as long as they're not overgrown or fighting like magnets to become a single entity. Your boy Pecker isn't about some contoured, female-looking eyebrows. Keep it clean and natural looking.




Beard & Mustache
A general rule here is that your facial hair should complement your face shape. This unfortunately requires something called self-awareness. If you have trouble growing a thick beard (and strong 5-o'clock shadow), shave your face. If you have a strong jawline, you're only hurting yourself by growing a thick beard. I either clean-shave my face or rock a permanent 5 o'clock shadow. I don't want to hide my strong jawline by growing a thick beard. I also don't want to hide my handsome face. Generally speaking, the more handsome you are, the less facial hair you want. If you happen to be unfortunate looking, a beard isn't a bad idea, but keep it clean with some Wahl beard trimmers.




Back & Shoulders
This doesn't look good on anyone. Whether you're sporting a full back-sweater or a patchy forest, you're unquestionably a gross person. You have a few options here. Get a s/o to shave your back, or get it waxed. Either way, you're going to need an assist. Hair on the shoulders and traps is also non-negotiable. It must be eradicated.

Chest
Sean Connery could pull off chest hair. You are not Sean Connery. That said, certain chest hair isn't bad, but most of it is. Some women (and men) like a strong bear-type dude. It's a judgement call on your part. If you grow decent looking chest hair then just let it slide. But if you're part of the 75% of men who don't grow attractive chest/stomach hair, you're better off shaving it (or waxing it). "But Pecker, I'm not fit and aesthetic like you. Why should I shave it?" Because similar to beards, growing patchy, untidy hair over an unfortunate situation only makes said situation more unfortunate.

Junk
Look what you've done to your partner. He/she doesn't want to put his/her face down there into that putrid, wiry forest, but you ask anyway. You know you need to fix this but you're not sure how. Here's how I handle my situation. There's about a 2-inch section above (and to the sides) of my peen that I allow hair to grow. I take Wahl trimmers and I put a 2-guard on there and run through this area. The hair is there, but it's short. Everything above that is shaved. I then do a light fade into any hair in the surrounding side areas or toward the top of my legs. After running hot water and working up a great lather (with Dove soap) on my balls and peen, I shave any small hairs around the base of my shaft and then shave my balls and gooch. My balls are as smooth as eggs. And they should be, because I like the way they feel in someone's mouth, and that someone should like the way my balls feel too.

A full clean shave is not a bad idea but you'll have to work to keep it shaved. As someone who spends a lot of time in the gym, there are few things worse than short, prickly hair as it grows back and terrorizes your nether regions.

Butt
You have two options here as far as I'm concerned. You shave your butt. You take clippers (at the lowest setting) between and over your cheeks. I recommend a full shave. You don't want to mess up your butthole so use a good shave gel and get back there with a razor. Get between the cheeks and then the outside of the cheeks. To leave a forest down there is to simply concede that you will never have a clean wipe ever again. Take my advice and you'll soon find that your new bum is not only more hygienic, it's also better prepared for sexual exploration.





We started this journey on Tuesday, with hairy, smelly, dirty degenerates. And look where we are now. Your breath is fresh. Your body is clean. Your arse is hairless.

You are now a swan. A manly swan, ready to take on the world. You're still chubby. And you still don't sleep enough. But you're now ready to approach life with the confidence of someone who takes care of himself.

If even one man here is transformed, then my work is complete. Now get out there with your clean, smooth arse. Godspeed, my friends.