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Message
1
Posted on 3/31/14 at 9:37 pm to A_bear
quote:
Had a disagreement one day when I found out my daughter was calling him daddy (his name).
Your child needs love from as many people as possible. If you are as involved as you claim, the child knows who "daddy" is.
Btw, my step daughter calls me daddy. Screw dad if his insecurities get the best of him.
Posted on 3/31/14 at 9:38 pm to Festus
quote:
It's governed by the custody agreement, not by who's paying what.
If he's actually got Co-domiciliary status she cant keep the son in a day care he doesn't approve of. I still say he tell her he's not paying for it unless she let's his gf back on list.
Posted on 3/31/14 at 9:39 pm to Rouge
Rouge, I've been through this. There's a right and wrong way to do this stuff. The wrong way is not only mentally exhausting, it's horrible on the kids. But in the very least, before you yank a kid out of daycare, when the OP has already said that the ex isn't agreeable to simple things, you should at least run the legality of it by your attorney. Don't just do it because in your mind you've rationalized it's best.
jesus..
jesus..
Posted on 3/31/14 at 9:40 pm to Festus
you're right. bullshite like this gets me hot. Something needs to be done or else the OP is gonna get screwed...but there are probably bullshite legal repercussions that protect stupid behaviour on the mothers part.
But I would do something asap about the daycare. That's wrong on lots of levels
But I would do something asap about the daycare. That's wrong on lots of levels
Posted on 3/31/14 at 9:41 pm to Kickadawgitfeelsgood
quote:
Btw, my step daughter calls me daddy. Screw dad if his insecurities get the best of him.
Ehhhhh
Common sense and general decency makes me disagree with you here.
Posted on 3/31/14 at 9:44 pm to mikelbr
quote:
If he's actually got Co-domiciliary status she cant keep the son in a day care he doesn't approve of. I still say he tell her he's not paying for it unless she let's his gf back on list.
I disagree, and here's why. Co-dom means they are equal. She is already in this daycare. To yank her is a CHANGE in the current arrangement. They frown upon that without consent of both. If you can't agree, then don't change, and let the court decide. That's how they view it.
Now, not paying is different than yanking the kid without both consenting. That seems to be a more reasonable reaction, until the gf is on the list, I won't pay. Put that in writing. Run it by your attorney.
You see the difference in those 2?
Posted on 3/31/14 at 9:46 pm to Festus
yep.
This post was edited on 5/15/22 at 11:27 pm
Posted on 3/31/14 at 9:48 pm to Kickadawgitfeelsgood
with all due respect...that's bullshite.
If the dad is some deadbeat POS that has nothing to do with them, maybe.
But if not, you are a usurper. it's hard enough to be a single dad without having some guy trying to muscle in on your territory.
If the dad is some deadbeat POS that has nothing to do with them, maybe.
But if not, you are a usurper. it's hard enough to be a single dad without having some guy trying to muscle in on your territory.
Posted on 3/31/14 at 9:49 pm to Festus
Can someone please tell me where the term co-domicilary is found in the code?
Posted on 3/31/14 at 9:52 pm to mikelbr
quote:
Yep that's why I think I would simply not pay. I haven't had this issue but as a parent with that status it's always been something I know I can do if say she puts the kids in a school, dance class, etc I didn't agree upon.
Exactly, but that would be a change she makes without your consent, and you'd be safe. You've never paid for it before. But, let's say you initially agreed, and started paying, and paid for awhile. Then, you didn't agree with something. You'd have a much harder time demanding a switch, or just changing your mind and not paying.
Sudden changes, either way, without consent of both, is where you start getting in trouble with the courts. Especially when they can see clearly it's based in infighting between the spouses.
Posted on 3/31/14 at 9:54 pm to Festus
quote:
infighting
Which is why Co Dom is not commonly in the judgment.
Posted on 3/31/14 at 9:55 pm to Festus
Had a discussion about this recently with bro in law
Woman is primary custodial
Kid in daycare
Mom pulls kid out of daycare to be stay at home mom
Dad brings to court
Mom wins every time because court will not take stance that stay at home mom is a bad thing.
Woman is primary custodial
Kid in daycare
Mom pulls kid out of daycare to be stay at home mom
Dad brings to court
Mom wins every time because court will not take stance that stay at home mom is a bad thing.
Posted on 3/31/14 at 9:56 pm to mikelbr
Isn't co dom the same thing as not naming a domicilary.
Posted on 3/31/14 at 10:00 pm to mikelbr
quote:
Which is why Co Dom is not commonly in the judgment.
I didn't know it existed. But I was domiciliary and it was explained to me even as dom, it didn't give me authority to unilaterally make decisions. I still had to discuss everything and work out with the ex. It's not a permission slip to change stuff on a whim.
I think a lot of people are unclear exactly what it means. When you share custody, no matter what, you HAVE to work together on every single issue, period. No one can just trump the other. Judges will pop the shite out of you if you try.
Posted on 3/31/14 at 10:01 pm to Festus
Yeah but not paying is still against the law. If I don't agree with my ex I can't stop paying her child support because that's illegal. It's just as illegal to stop paying my % of child care. It's violating court orders no matter how you look at it.
Posted on 3/31/14 at 10:01 pm to fr33manator
quote:
with all due respect...that's bullshite.
I disagree. I remember one weekend when my son was about 4 and I was doing the Sunday Washington Post crossword, he asked me if I was doing a "cross puzzle". I said that I was. He said, "Pop does cross puzzles." After saying something to him, I excused myself, called his Mother, and asked WTF was my son calling her husband. It was one of our many ugly conversations.
Fact is that his "Pop" has been in his life for many, many years. My son knows the difference between "Dad" and "Pop". While I hated the guy's guts 30 years ago, he has been a good man and a good step-father. He loves my son as if her was his own. And I know that my son loves him. When I spoke with them all last Christmas I told both my son's Mother and his "Pop" that they did a very good job in bringing my son up. I had told my son's Mother that on a number of occasions over the past 10 or so years, but I was finally able to say that to him.
Good step-parents are underrated. This man has every right to be called "Pop". I never had any of the woman I was with called any derivation of "Mom" or "Mother". That is probably a reflection of my own problems with sustaining relationships.
The real issue with the OP's ex having her daughter call the new boyfriend "Dad" is who knows how stable that relationship is? How many "Dads" is this little girl going to have?
Posted on 3/31/14 at 10:01 pm to Festus
Op,
Your kid already has to go back b/w u and your ex. Why make her life even more unstable by switching daycares?
Your kid already has to go back b/w u and your ex. Why make her life even more unstable by switching daycares?
Posted on 3/31/14 at 10:02 pm to Dizz
quote:
Isn't co dom the same thing as not naming a domicilary.
I'm not sure. I thought it said co-dom but when I double checked it said neither of us are domiciliary.
Posted on 3/31/14 at 10:05 pm to A_bear
Maybe, but talk to your attorney. If you put it in writing, explain the problems you have with the daycare, and why, and give them an opportunity to fix it, or allow you to switch to a different daycare, or you will no longer pay. That's different than just not paying. But again, that's where you really need to talk to your attorney before you do any of that.
You can surely write the letter to the daycare, and CC the ex, with the issues of not having your gf on the list, and them withholding info from you, and a demand that they immediately stop and rectify. Demand you be treated as an equal parent with equal rights. There's nothing illegal about that.
You can surely write the letter to the daycare, and CC the ex, with the issues of not having your gf on the list, and them withholding info from you, and a demand that they immediately stop and rectify. Demand you be treated as an equal parent with equal rights. There's nothing illegal about that.
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