re: My Mom has been getting worse with her dementia

I will pray for your family. I always hate reading posts like this bc they usually end the same way

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We can’t afford to put her into a nursing home to get the daily care she needs. I have to work and take care of myself so I can’t be there all day long like he is. My sister lives in Alabama.

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Your mother had two children of her own, who couldn't take care of themselves when they were young. Someone had to feed you when you couldnt do it yourself. Some had to bathe you when you couldnt do it yourself. Someone had to wipe up your shite diaper when you couldnt do it yourself.

Maybe it is time for you to return the favor and honor thy mother for all she did for you

You know the 5th commandment and all that

Don't bring that guilt tripping bullshite into this thread DJ3K - unless you are living it or experiencing it 1st hand, you speak from ignorance.

maybe the situation is not that he can and won't, or simply doesn't care - maybe he has his own responsibilities and simply cannot do what he wants to, due to work and family requirements.

my most truthful and sincere condolences to you and your family. my dad is on year 4 or 5, and he is getting worse. you are right, it gives you time to prepare - but it also doesn't truly prepare you. I have an Uncle who also has Dementia, and his is progressing a lot faster than my dad.

I wish you the best in this trying time.

My friends signed up for meals on wheels for their dad. Also made him stuff and kept his water cup full so he’d drink and stay hydrated. We played games like cards, colored, janga and built with blocks and built kid puzzles and animal models. His way. Until he couldn’t anymore. Just anything to help him do something. And just talked to him as normal. Sometimes he understood.

I hate hearing about this, I've been through it with multiple elderly family members and it's never easy. The only real option, once it gets so bad they refuse to bathe for weeks, is putting them in some sort of facility.

Right now you may be thinking "she's not there yet". It doesn't matter because she soon will be and it's going to be so bad your stepfather won't be able to handle it on his own, nor with part-time help (and 24-hour care costs more than some facilities).

I've likened it to a bouncing ball. They get bad, they rebound, maintain for a while, get bad again, rebound again, etc. Generally, the level they rebound to is a little less than the previous level. This will continue until they pass.

During this, one issue you can look for (especially in women) is a UTI (urinary tract infection). These get common with elderly women, especially when they aren't cleaning themselves well, and the way it expresses itself is through greater dementia (I've also had one loved one who communicated like she had had a stroke, until the UTI was cleared up).

There may be resources in your area you can access to help to lessen the burden on your family, but eventually she'll need round-the-clock care.

My heart goes out to you and your family.

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During this, one issue you can look for (especially in women) is a UTI (urinary tract infection).

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This is a good thing to remember. Sometimes a very curable condition makes the dementia much worse than it need be. Keep up with their general health too.

After my MIL died of a dementia, my FIL was going down hill. We loaned him a cat to care for. The cat was older and wiser and knew to hit him up for food. Cat gained weight. The cat helped him have something to do.
Then one day he locked her in the spare bedroom and when my SIL visited and freed the yowling cat, he looked at the cat and said, "That looks just like the cat I buried in the back yard." So my sister took the cat home with her and FIL got worse faster.

dementia and Alzheimer's scares the shite out of me.

my dad's mom died of Alzhiemers, my dad has dementia and lewey body, my uncle has dementia really bad.

scares me to think i will most likely get it as well.

my uncle has it so bad, my other uncle that lives with him allowed him to drive. he lives in Mobile, and we (myself and my parents) live in Birmingham. we received a call from the State Troopers that he was pulled over 45 minutes north of Birmingham driving onto the interstate going north in the southbound lanes.

he was going to get a prescription from Publix a 1/4 mile from his house. my other Uncle swore nothing was wrong, but we took his car keys and access to back cards as well.

OP i truly wish you all of the luck man.

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I've likened it to a bouncing ball. They get bad, they rebound, maintain for a while, get bad again, rebound again, etc. Generally, the level they rebound to is a little less than the previous level. This will continue until they pass.

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When my mother entered the nursing home in December, she willingly went to physical therapy and sometimes participated in social activities. After several health crises including a bout of Sepsis, she sleeps nearly all the time and when she's awake she's frequently delirious. Strangely, during the sleep periods, if you wake her she's pretty lucid before going right back to sleep. But if she's in a wakeful period she's usually in a confused state. There's something called post sepsis syndrome that can last for weeks or months, so maybe she will recover back to her baseline. I hope so.

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She went downhill pretty fast so that is better than lingering for years.

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I go back and forth on this. I hate for her to be in this condition but selfishly I'm not ready to lose her.