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re: Mother's Day ambivalence

Posted on 5/11/14 at 3:32 pm to
Posted by Paige
Vice President of the OT
Member since Oct 2010
84748 posts
Posted on 5/11/14 at 3:32 pm to
I've tried to make my son feel much more loved and appreciated
Posted by Kafka
I am the moral conscience of TD
Member since Jul 2007
141954 posts
Posted on 5/11/14 at 3:33 pm to
quote:

Paige is once again being a self righteous judgmental bitch opening her whorish mouth to spew her stupidity as though she had anything of worth to say
show some respect to a mother
Posted by Paige
Vice President of the OT
Member since Oct 2010
84748 posts
Posted on 5/11/14 at 3:36 pm to
Then you're not really qualified to tell the rest of us how we should feel about our mothers

Ty, Kafka
This post was edited on 5/11/14 at 3:37 pm
Posted by Kafka
I am the moral conscience of TD
Member since Jul 2007
141954 posts
Posted on 5/11/14 at 3:38 pm to
I've always considered you a real mother
Posted by Paige
Vice President of the OT
Member since Oct 2010
84748 posts
Posted on 5/11/14 at 3:51 pm to
I don't go around here telling people how they should live

And *you're
This post was edited on 5/11/14 at 3:55 pm
Posted by Dorothy
Munchkinland
Member since Oct 2008
18153 posts
Posted on 5/11/14 at 3:53 pm to
I can relate a bit. My mom wasn't the ideal mother either and the role of "mothering" was often reversed in our situation. She was often immature and irrational with things. My son asked recently if his grandmother taught me how to be a mother. I said, kind of, I guess. My husband guffawed across the room, and I had to give him a quick stern look before he said anything really negative about her. He said under his breath, yeah, she taught you what not to do.

It really wasn't that bad though, and I do try to remember the good things she did (besides care for me when I was young, like most parents are supposed to do and any babysitter can do). For example, she always encouraged me/supported my major life decisions. I know she was proud of me for lots of things. She taught me to be kind to others and to appreciate beauty in things.

Yeah, it would have been nice to have a "normal" mother, but since she's gone now, I kind of try to remember the bigger things about her like that than all the shitty things she did or didn't do in my life.

I hope that you can come to appreciate some good things about your mom too before it's too late and it makes you bitter.
This post was edited on 5/11/14 at 3:53 pm
Posted by SuperSaint
Sorting Out OT BS Since '2007'
Member since Sep 2007
140462 posts
Posted on 5/11/14 at 4:01 pm to
I've had plenty of people tell me that me and my mom's relationship isn't healthy because we have always been best friends, wayyyy more friends than she is with my older and younger brothers. You know she may have not been ideal or maybe even a little enabling but I wouldn't trade her for anything in the entire world. Id slice a mother fricker up if they tried to frick my mom over. I was a little a-hole the day I came out of her but she has ride with me everyday since.
Posted by Paige
Vice President of the OT
Member since Oct 2010
84748 posts
Posted on 5/11/14 at 4:05 pm to
Yeah my mom taught me what not to do. She carted me around to overnight daycares all the time so she could go out. I would beg and cry not to have to go. It's not fun and sometimes scary as a kid going to sleep in a strange place where you don't know anyone. I remember this one place in particular, the little blue house. There was nothing but a few toys in the old house and the workers were mean. My aunt would jokingly threaten to take me there when I wouldn't cooperate and I'd immediately do what she said

In turn, the only daycare my son went to was after school care. And he's never had a babysitter. I'd just let him go spend the night with family or friends. I never wanted him to feel like my personal life was more important than his feelings or security

And numerous other things
Posted by ShubutaMS
5682 posts
Member since Aug 2013
1434 posts
Posted on 5/11/14 at 4:07 pm to
quote:

She gave birth to you


one of my peeves. "you have to love your mother because she brought you into this world"

such idiocy. She gave birth because she was impregnated. The baby doesn't have any choice in getting "brought into this world"
Posted by Paige
Vice President of the OT
Member since Oct 2010
84748 posts
Posted on 5/11/14 at 4:11 pm to
I guess it's preferable to having been aborted but that's all it means
Posted by SuperSaint
Sorting Out OT BS Since '2007'
Member since Sep 2007
140462 posts
Posted on 5/11/14 at 4:11 pm to
My mom was a stay at home mom. So I never remember being at any day cares or anything. I was hardcore into sports and she supported that. Thing is once I hit about 12-13 and started to feel like I was a lil man, my parents told me "once you think you a man then do what you want and find out yourself" so I never had a cerfew, they woudknt even look at my report cards since they said it was on me if I wanted to be successful. Once at 13 I ran away and ended up stuck in downtown Houston. Took me a day or two to get a bus ticked back to the city. Get home, been gone for 4 days and not one person noticed me missing.
Posted by drunkenpunkin
Louisiana
Member since Dec 2011
7659 posts
Posted on 5/11/14 at 4:15 pm to
I feel this way about my brother. I love them because they are family, and I wish the best for them. But, I don't like them and choose not to be in their lives. I'm much happier that way. It's a big bone of contention with my mom, whom I love. But, she is a fake it kind of person. And I'm the kind of person that doesn't want to pretend to like people because we happened to grow up together.
Posted by Paige
Vice President of the OT
Member since Oct 2010
84748 posts
Posted on 5/11/14 at 4:15 pm to
Holy shite. I can't imagine my son going out of town by himself and taking care of himself even at 14

That was another thing my mom didn't do. Never once came to see me perform when I was a cheerleader or on danceline
Posted by LT
The City of St. George
Member since May 2008
5151 posts
Posted on 5/11/14 at 4:19 pm to



That sounds awful.
Posted by kingbob
Sorrento, LA
Member since Nov 2010
67089 posts
Posted on 5/11/14 at 4:20 pm to
The whole poin of mother's day is so that mom's have one more thing to guilt their children about during the year. If mothers didn't want their children to forget abou mother's day, it wouldn't be right around final exams and graduation.
Posted by SuperSaint
Sorting Out OT BS Since '2007'
Member since Sep 2007
140462 posts
Posted on 5/11/14 at 4:20 pm to
I was dealing drugs and in later years as I reflected probably a full blown addict at 14. Every other weekends id roll from Friday till late Sunday at rave parties at state palace theater and then hit the river boat rave parties around noon Sunday and eat some more pills, show up at class on Monday without having been to sleep.

My best story with that in 9th grade I saw my teachers son overdose from dancing at the rave and was in her class Monday mornjng when she got the call he died and I had already known and watched him die. That's kinda freaky


Loves my moms #doe
Posted by Aubie Spr96
lolwut?
Member since Dec 2009
41122 posts
Posted on 5/11/14 at 4:23 pm to
quote:

Well I do have a cordial relationship with both my parents. I did give her a present and card and wished her well. As an adult I've grown to pity her more for her mental issues than be mad or angry anymore. I'm sure others who have grown up with less than ideal bat shite crazy parents feel the same. The commercials about how great 'mom' is just seem weird compared to what Joan Crawford's twin is on a regular basis.



Same here dude. My mom has BPD. I didn't realize it until recently. It helped make sense of a lot of things that happened growing up.

It has made my relationship with my mother-in-law and my wife more special.
Posted by ShubutaMS
5682 posts
Member since Aug 2013
1434 posts
Posted on 5/11/14 at 4:28 pm to
quote:

once I hit about 12-13 and started to feel like I was a lil man, my parents told me "once you think you a man then do what you want and find out yourself


I'm a firm believer in that after a certain age you have to just let your kids do what they are going to do. Hopefully the previous years of parenting will have taught them to make good decisions.

But the age I'm talking about is 16-17, not 12-13
Posted by damnedoldtigah
Middle of Louisiana
Member since Jan 2014
4275 posts
Posted on 5/11/14 at 4:28 pm to
quote:

I feel this way about my brother. ......I don't like them and choose not to be in their lives. I'm much happier that way. It's a big bone of contention with my mom, whom I love. But, she is a fake it kind of person. And I'm the kind of person that doesn't want to pretend to like people because we happened to grow up together.


Know that shite all too well. Per other family and friends he was supposed to be the only child and was the favorite by a long shot. Sonofabitch has one of the most antisocial personalitiesyou could ask to see. I acknowledge his existence but that is about it.
Posted by Paige
Vice President of the OT
Member since Oct 2010
84748 posts
Posted on 5/11/14 at 4:28 pm to
Holy frick

This is not to be an a-hole, but do you think you might not have had such a rough life had your parents kept tighter reigns on you at such a young age

I know my son will probably be one of those that goes crazy in college because I was too strict
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