I had a friend

Despite all of our best efforts, we still follow in the footsteps of our parents. I am so sorry for you loss. That trauma was likely insurmountable regardless of the friendship you could have offered. I hope his family and yours get peaceful rest in the near the future.

Blame him for his selfish actions, not yourself. You are not responsible for his choices.

I dont like judging other people but i never understood playing victim. Yeah it sucks the guys dad comitted suicide. One only needs to look around to see many others with much worse trials and tribulations that they are dealing with. Be thankful for what you have and work hard to get better. Enjoy life, you are only guaranteed one of them.

That sucks. I watched House of Manning or whatever it was called on SEC network and they showed how Archie’s dad committed suicide around his freshman year at ole miss. While you can see the sadness in his eyes to this day, Archie really did an excellent job channeling that horrific pain into nurturing his sons. It really gave me a newfound admiration for that entire family.

Terrible to hear your buddy couldn’t overcome that pain.

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wondering if I could have done more

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What could you have done? He didn't tell you that he was suicidal and the most recent communications were text messages saying he was fine. You can't be expected to read his mind.

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I don't know when it changed or became a reasonable option for the weak willed and desperate.

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I think with all we know about mental health or lack thereof, especially for men, that kind of thinking is outdated.

I know you don’t want condolences, but you have mine.

People who haven’t sat and seriously considered killing themselves cannot understand that state of mind, the twisted logic that leads someone to think that death is preferable to anything else. I was there seven years ago, and now those memories feel like they belong to someone else.

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sitting here wondering if I could have done more.

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Don't wonder. You were a friend, but being a friend doesn't mean being able to control what someone else does.

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The best you can do is say “frick that selfish Mo f’er and move on”.

I learned that talking to guys in my son’s unit. They have made a habit out of shaming the suicider and it is working.

Suicide sucks I’ve lost friends and relatives to it, but at the end of the day frick those selfish mother frickers.

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I have always been very very hard on suicide. I agree with you to a point. Suicide is the most selfish act a person can commit IMO. They are wanting to end their pain but are not considering the damage and pain they are inflicting upon their family and friends who will forever have so many questions and zero answers. But as I have gotten older I have softened a little. I have had some pretty dark days in my life where I have been deeply depressed. But never once did the thought of killing myself ever enter my mind. So how much pain must a person be in to go there?

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And men have been grown to believe not speaking out about mental health makes you weak or a bitch. It’s a vicious cycle and very hard for those who would even seek help to find it.

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Not a suicide story but a kind of seeking help story. In july 2021 my brother passed away when he caught covid and couldn't fight it off when they put him on a vent. He had COPD and it was just too much. Fast forward to Feb.2022 and our Dad passed away at 84. Neither were unexpected consider my brothers health and Dad's age and his health as well. But still I am the only one left in my immediate family. By Christmas 2022 and the realization that I was alone started to weigh on me and I was becoming pretty stressed. I confided this in one of my lifelong friends who is also a pastor of his own church. He saw that I was on edge bad and asked what was wrong because he had never seen me like that. So I told him I was just feeling stressed that I was alone now and had no real family left. He said I was like Job in the Bible who God had taken his whole family away. He was basically telling me I was feeling sorry for myself and was blaming God and it was nothing like that. I was just venting and going through the Holidays for the first time without all of my family. Moral of the story I will never share anything with anyone especially a preacher. They view everything through the prism of God. This had nothing to do with God because my faith has never wavered for one second.