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re: hypothetical: deceased spouses pics
Posted on 7/29/14 at 1:25 pm to rickyh
Posted on 7/29/14 at 1:25 pm to rickyh
My mother in law died unexpectedly a few years ago. My father in law remarried and removed every single picture and memento in the house. He even removed the old furniture. But, this is because the new wife is a crazy lunatic and he is a pussy.
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Posted on 7/29/14 at 1:31 pm to Tiger Ryno
Speaking as someone with experience in this matter...
I would discuss it with my new spouse to see how she felt.
With that being said I still have all my wedding pictures and some other pictures that I saved from Katrina of my deceased wife but they're in a storage container in my closet. My late wife and I had no children so there is no need to display any of that. If I ever feel the urge to be nostalgic and look back, I can easily find some "me time" and pull the pictures out and look.
And with all that being said, the new spouse respects when I feel I need that time and understands that there will be certain times of the year where that may happen.
Communication, folks... It's what it all boils down to, really.
I would discuss it with my new spouse to see how she felt.
With that being said I still have all my wedding pictures and some other pictures that I saved from Katrina of my deceased wife but they're in a storage container in my closet. My late wife and I had no children so there is no need to display any of that. If I ever feel the urge to be nostalgic and look back, I can easily find some "me time" and pull the pictures out and look.
And with all that being said, the new spouse respects when I feel I need that time and understands that there will be certain times of the year where that may happen.
Communication, folks... It's what it all boils down to, really.
Posted on 7/29/14 at 1:43 pm to cdaniel76
cdaniel has the right idea here... don't be afraid to talk about the subject, talk about it and come to a decision.
I have personal experience with this, too, on both sides of the coin.
I'm a surviving spouse myself, and I've dated a widow before.
My policy is that photos of deceased spouses are okay. I'm not threatened by them. And whether you like it or not, the deceased spouse still has a presence in the survivor's heart. A photo or two that reflects that is not such a terrible thing, unless you are a really insecure person.
Would you want to be so easily forgotten by the one person who SHOULD remember you - your spouse? Of course not.
I have personal experience with this, too, on both sides of the coin.
I'm a surviving spouse myself, and I've dated a widow before.
My policy is that photos of deceased spouses are okay. I'm not threatened by them. And whether you like it or not, the deceased spouse still has a presence in the survivor's heart. A photo or two that reflects that is not such a terrible thing, unless you are a really insecure person.
Would you want to be so easily forgotten by the one person who SHOULD remember you - your spouse? Of course not.
Posted on 7/29/14 at 1:43 pm to cdaniel76
quote:
If I ever feel the urge to be nostalgic and look back, I can easily find some "me time" and pull the pictures out and look.
And with all that being said, the new spouse respects when I feel I need that time and understands that there will be certain times of the year where that may happen.
I am sorry for your loss.
But that sounds weird. I don't know how I'd feel about it if my current wife still missed and was not past her feelings for her old husband. It would feel strange to me.
Posted on 7/29/14 at 1:45 pm to Cajun Revolution
So someone that loses their spouse is just supposed to magically be over them in a year or two?
That there won't be things/events/etc they go through in the future that makes them remember their spouse?
That there won't be things/events/etc they go through in the future that makes them remember their spouse?
Posted on 7/29/14 at 1:45 pm to lsunurse
quote:
So someone that loses their spouse is just supposed to magically be over them in a year or two?
If they're not, why are they married to me in the first place?
Posted on 7/29/14 at 1:48 pm to Cajun Revolution
Cause they realize life moves on?
You can't seriously think that someone who's spouse died never thinks of their spouse EVER again just because they married you. If so...that's very naïve thinking on your part.
This wasn't a breakup or a divorce, but a marriage that was ended because one of them passed away.
You can't seriously think that someone who's spouse died never thinks of their spouse EVER again just because they married you. If so...that's very naïve thinking on your part.
This wasn't a breakup or a divorce, but a marriage that was ended because one of them passed away.
Posted on 7/29/14 at 1:51 pm to lsunurse
quote:
You can't seriously think that someone who's spouse died never thinks of their spouse EVER again just because they married you. If so...that's very naïve thinking on your part.
This wasn't a breakup or a divorce, but a marriage that was ended because one of them passed away.
It's strange Nurse for my to invest so much in a woman for her to constantly be emotionally attached to her former husband. A person like that isn't ready to be married again IMO.
It's not because I'm jealous or mad but you choose to move on or you don't. Personally, if I'm married to a woman and she dies, I'm not remarrying if I'm not moving on completely.
Posted on 7/29/14 at 1:52 pm to Tiger Ryno
I'm sorry, but I'm not voluntarily forgetting about someone I love just because of another's insecurity. Ignoring those who passed is shameful. Their lives are to be celebrated.
Posted on 7/29/14 at 1:55 pm to Cajun Revolution
quote:
woman for her to constantly be emotionally attached to her former husband
So you would consider a woman taking a few moments on her dead husband's birthday or their former anniversary to remember him and glance at their wedding photo too "emotionally attached"?
So if you get married and die, you would expect your wife to throw away all pics of you, and never think of you again? Remarry and never look back? Not even to briefly remember and celebrate the person you were?
Posted on 7/29/14 at 1:58 pm to Tiger Ryno
My wife says she's never marrying again.
Is that good or bad?
Is that good or bad?
Posted on 7/29/14 at 1:59 pm to lsunurse
quote:
So you would consider a woman taking a few moments on her dead husband's birthday or their former anniversary to remember him and glance at their wedding photo too "emotionally attached"?
So if you get married and die, you would expect your wife to throw away all pics of you, and never think of you again? Remarry and never look back? Not even to briefly remember and celebrate the person you were?
Nurse, it's quite simple. I move on or I don't. Taking a few moments, etc. may be something naturally that occurs. I'm not making a big production about it to my current wife or setting aside a time, etc. To me that's just kind of strange.
If I'm at the point where I can't leave that box in the closet, I'm not remarrying. Simple as that. You choose to move on or you don't. If you want to linger and reminisce all the time, you're probably not ready to emotionally invest yourself into a new marriage.
It's saying, well...you're only here because she kicked the bucket. To me, it's disrespectful to the living one.
Posted on 7/29/14 at 2:05 pm to Tiger Ryno
(no message)
This post was edited on 12/19/18 at 10:04 am
Posted on 7/29/14 at 2:09 pm to lsunurse
quote:
you would expect your wife to throw away all pics of you, and never think of you again? Remarry and never look back?
Pretty much. Even moreso if we didn't have children. I don't care to be remembered or celebrated. I'm dead. I can't help anybody.
Posted on 7/29/14 at 2:16 pm to Tiger Ryno
quote:
What if a spouse dies and the other spouse remarried down the road. Should they display the pics of the deceased in the house or would that cause probs?
If the spouse had children with the deceased spouse, yes.
If no kids, no.
Posted on 7/29/14 at 2:23 pm to tgrbaitn08
quote:
would you want pictures of your new wifes' dead husband hanging in your house? I didnt think so
Well if they had kids I can't imagine having a problem with it.
Posted on 7/29/14 at 2:28 pm to SportsGuyNOLA
I think timing has a lot to do with it as well as the ages of the kids involved.
Generally a gradual reduction here and there over a year to three years with maybe one or two nice photos around sounds tasteful.
Generally a gradual reduction here and there over a year to three years with maybe one or two nice photos around sounds tasteful.
Posted on 7/29/14 at 2:31 pm to Cajun Revolution
quote:
Cajun Revolution
You're a callused mother fricker.
If my wife died, i don't think i would ever get over it completely. I would move on with my life, but my love for her would never go away.
Posted on 7/29/14 at 2:37 pm to colorchangintiger
I have a very black/white perspective with some things but death can't be changed. It's something you deal with or allow it to consume you. The best thing to do I have found is box it up, put it away and move on. Otherwise, you find yourself looking at a shoebox ten years later still crying your eyes out. Any man who wants their wife doing that over him, I doubt truly loves her. Move on, be happy. I don't personally need to be celebrated.
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