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re: Help dealing with someone with Dementia

Posted on 9/13/21 at 6:47 pm to
Posted by OldmanBeasley
Charlotte
Member since Jun 2014
9708 posts
Posted on 9/13/21 at 6:47 pm to
This is why I have an Old Yeller clause in my will, once my mind goes I want to be put down like a dog
This post was edited on 9/13/21 at 6:48 pm
Posted by Geekboy
Member since Jan 2004
4992 posts
Posted on 9/13/21 at 6:49 pm to
nm
This post was edited on 9/13/21 at 7:37 pm
Posted by Yeahright
On a big sphere out there.
Member since Sep 2018
1932 posts
Posted on 9/13/21 at 6:54 pm to
Take the battery out of his cell phone or if you have a land line, unplug it. Tell him that you are waiting on the phone company to fix it. Dementia is horrible with a nice person. I can't imagine it with a mean person. The homecare nurses will continue to leave and you will have to continue to hire someone. Nobody gets paid enough to deal with that crap. However, you might find that one person who can "tame" or put up with her dad but it will be expensive. Good luck.
Posted by Havoc
Member since Nov 2015
28478 posts
Posted on 9/13/21 at 6:55 pm to
quote:

Have GF get a “burner” phone change # in dads phone to said burner. then forward all
Calls to burner phone to GF’s sisters phone.

Can you rewrite that more clearly and with punctuation? Because it really looks like great advice but kinda hard to decipher.
Posted by Yeahright
On a big sphere out there.
Member since Sep 2018
1932 posts
Posted on 9/13/21 at 6:55 pm to
quote:

Fire live in nurse. Ask her to leave the premises. You and GF go into his bedroom. You pick up his pillow. You place pillow firmly over his face. With all your weight lean on top of pillow pressing with both hands firmly on his face. When he stops jerking and breathing wait another minute. Problem solved. If you need visual instructions on how to proceed, watch the last five minutes of One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest.

I know you are trying to be funny but I would seriously consider deleting this post.
Posted by Havoc
Member since Nov 2015
28478 posts
Posted on 9/13/21 at 7:05 pm to
If he’s even remotely a danger to himself or others you must have him committed.

And it sounds like he is, or could easily be made to appear so.
Posted by Kattail
Member since Aug 2020
3333 posts
Posted on 9/13/21 at 7:19 pm to
quote:

He was in a nursing home, but after he and the nurses called her nonstop every single day because he was so damn difficult


Was he in a memory care unit? Nursing homes that have this is what you need.

Surprised he hasn’t lost his phone yet.
Posted by Tigahs24Seven
Communist USA
Member since Nov 2007
12144 posts
Posted on 9/13/21 at 7:21 pm to
Put him in a locked dementia ward and tell the staff he is not to have access to a phone. There are many locked wards in Nursing Homes and Assisted Living Centers to keep them from wandering. The staff needs to know he is abusive and should not be allowed to use a phone. Short of this he will make everyone's world a living hell on Earth and this will last for years. God bless the people who work in those places.
Posted by supadave3
Houston, TX
Member since Dec 2005
30276 posts
Posted on 9/13/21 at 7:24 pm to
quote:

e she is going to need an unfaltering rock to lean on
Which is going to be stressful for you aswell as your relationship with her


It sounds like he’s pretty committed to her. Are you gonna marry this girl?
Posted by Geekboy
Member since Jan 2004
4992 posts
Posted on 9/13/21 at 7:45 pm to
I deleted it. That being said here are some previous responses from others. Mine was just more detailed.
quote:

put him down

quote:

Make him have an “accident”

quote:

Find some dirt on the Clintons on his behalf. That'll do the job.

quote:

Bring him to the zoo and let him accidentally wonder into the tiger cage.
Posted by DLauw
SWLA
Member since Sep 2011
6086 posts
Posted on 9/13/21 at 7:51 pm to
Medicate and sedate. The nurse can change his diapers while he sleeps.

I haven’t had the misfortune of dealing with a loved one with dementia. My Pop dealt with his (hateful) wife. He (we) hired around the clock nurses to keep her medicated and manageable.

It wasn’t much for quality of life, but frick that bitch.
Posted by supadave3
Houston, TX
Member since Dec 2005
30276 posts
Posted on 9/13/21 at 7:57 pm to
quote:

That or find an nursing home with a Dementia (Alzheimer’s) hall.


It would be horrible to work at a place like that. You would have to pay me a lot of money, and I know those nursing aids probably make $12/hour. No thank you.
Posted by supadave3
Houston, TX
Member since Dec 2005
30276 posts
Posted on 9/13/21 at 8:01 pm to
quote:

This is why I have an Old Yeller clause in my will, once my mind goes I want to be put down like a dog


In all seriousness, how would you go about getting something similar. More than a non-resesitate, one to include mental breakdowns. They’re not legally allowed, are they?
Posted by Tigers2010a
Member since Jul 2021
3627 posts
Posted on 9/13/21 at 8:03 pm to
My father had Alzheimer's and passed three years ago. One thing to bear in mind is that as the brain loses function, many aspects of the person, including personality, changes. I assume dementia is similar but my point is alzheimers impacts go far beyond memory. When he was first diagnosed, he had a period of aggression which was not typical of him. It passed after a year or so and remained difficult but gradually became much calmer. I still remember sitting on the porch with him towards the end and I had put birdseed out. All those birds and he was just absorbed watching them. He is in a better place now.

And now, my mother is going into dementia. It is part of life.
Posted by Thracken13
Aft Cargo Hold of Serenity
Member since Feb 2010
16049 posts
Posted on 9/13/21 at 8:08 pm to
my Uncle has had Dementia hit pretty badly recently. he was pulled over in Cullman AL driving the wrong way on the interstate. when he was asked where he was going, he said he was going to Publix for a prescription.

he lives in Mobile and had no idea he was in Cullman - for those that do not know, that is about 5 hours north of Mobile.

we had no idea it was that bad (he has always been a tad off) but that was eye opening at how quickly it can it can set in. he is also super belligerent too.

he will likely be committed to an assisted living center specializing in Dementia. scary that he and my dad has it, and their mom had Alzheimer's.

makes me fearful for myself in the future.
Posted by YNWA
Member since Nov 2015
6718 posts
Posted on 9/13/21 at 8:16 pm to
Marijuana
Posted by LSUBFA83
Member since May 2012
3354 posts
Posted on 9/13/21 at 8:22 pm to
quote:

now, my mother is going into dementia. It is part of life.




It's astounding and frightening how many people have dementia now. When I was growing up there were ZERO people on either side of my family with any kind of dementia. Now I have three family members in their 80s with it and one in his 50s. I sincerely hope they find a cause and a cure for this soon.
Posted by DownshiftAndFloorIt
Here
Member since Jan 2011
66763 posts
Posted on 9/13/21 at 8:23 pm to
Just read through this whole thread. No advice for you OP, there's no right answer here. If you love the girl then just do whatever she needs you to do and don't press her into any decisions.

Dementia is a horrible horrible thing. I watched my old frail grandmother care for my pawpaw for years until he passed. Its brutal and thankless. If she could do it, anyone can. As others have said, it doesn't get any easier. You'll have to either have a nurse or put him in a home, there's no getting around that. Its a 24/7 job to care for someone like that.
Posted by DownshiftAndFloorIt
Here
Member since Jan 2011
66763 posts
Posted on 9/13/21 at 8:24 pm to
I've always just assumed it was people outliving their brains who naturally wouldn't have without modern medicine.
Posted by supadave3
Houston, TX
Member since Dec 2005
30276 posts
Posted on 9/13/21 at 8:28 pm to
quote:

I sincerely hope they find a cause and a cure for this soon.


Death. Death is the cure. I don't mean to sound heartless but we can't live forever. This is the 'in beween' stage.

Society has to come up with a better solution than what we are doing now. I don't have suggestions, but there has to be a humane way to die with dignity.
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