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LNCHBOX
LSU Fan
70001
Member since Jun 2009
27187 posts

re: Having the "Money Talk" with the SO before marriage

quote:

You don't own the definition of marriage. Your opinion on what it should be holds little water. Each couple should dictate their own terms.



Is this the part where I call you the pot or the kettle? In this thread you've asserted that you are basically in what you consider a marriage, yet the majority of posters who are married or are about to be disagree with your view. On top of that, you've openly made your views on marriage known, so sorry that I'm not going to listen to your opinion on what a marriage is when you so openly don't believe in marriage.


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LNCHBOX
LSU Fan
70001
Member since Jun 2009
27187 posts

re: Having the "Money Talk" with the SO before marriage
quote:

it's not about not communicating, it's about why have to ask for something if you don't have to. With her money she can spend freely. Same as me. If i want a new tv that cost 2K and i have it, then i don't need to ask to go buy it. A new tv may seem stupid to her and not needed at the time. Same as say a new 100 dollar purse to me. She wants it, she can go buy it with her money without me putting up a fuss about spending that much for a purse. For us, our system works. It eliminates any potential to get in an arguement over money.


If you're spending 2k without consulting your wife at all, I don't know what to tell you.


jojothetireguy
New Orleans Saints Fan
Live out in Coconut Grove
Member since Jan 2009
9432 posts

re: Having the "Money Talk" with the SO before marriage
quote:

If you're spending 2k without consulting your wife at all, I don't know what to tell you.


i don't have to consult my wife, since it came out of my account. Thats what my point is. Of course i would tell her, but she can't really say no since it would be coming strictly out of my account. Again this is just an example.

It works for us. We trust each other enough to know that neither one of us will do something stupid with our money, to where if we got into a bind we wouldn't be able to get out of it. We don't need to check up on what each of us spends. That's trust. It's the same trust joint account people have, just in a different way. IE, not having the potential for an argument for something the other person may deem as not needed or stupid in their opinion.
I don't see how this is an issue, i'm not bashing on the joint account people, because what works for them, works for them.
This post was edited on 1/18 at 11:54 am


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yellowfin
Illinois Fan
Coastal Bar
Member since May 2006
78193 posts

re: Having the "Money Talk" with the SO before marriage
Yeah we both have a general idea of where we are financially so there's no need to ask "permission" if either of us want to buy something. We already know if we can afford it, it's just a heads up.


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CurDog
LSU Fan
Member since Jan 2007
26220 posts

re: Having the "Money Talk" with the SO before marriage
quote:

it's not about not communicating, it's about why have to ask for something if you don't have to. With her money she can spend freely. Same as me. If i want a new tv that cost 2K and i have it, then i don't need to ask to go buy it. A new tv may seem stupid to her and not needed at the time. Same as say a new 100 dollar purse to me. She wants it, she can go buy it with her money without me putting up a fuss about spending that much for a purse. For us, our system works. It eliminates any potential to get in an arguement over money.




If you're spending 2k without consulting your wife at all, I don't know what to tell you.


yeah we dont even do this


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TigerPanzer
LSU Fan
Orlando
Member since Sep 2006
9476 posts

re: Having the "Money Talk" with the SO before marriage
quote:

How important is this little talk?

If you and your woman aren't square and compatible on money issues, your marriage will be totally fricked. Get this shite clear and straight now.

If you and she have quite different notions about money—do yourselves a favor and don't get married. If you're sympatico on the other hand, get married and all that shite.


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LSUfan4444
LSU Fan
Mandeville
Member since Mar 2004
43973 posts

re: Having the "Money Talk" with the SO before marriage
quote:

we had a similiar talk 17 years ago. we got seperate checking accounts about 16 years ago and could not be happier.

she buys what she wants and i do the same


If you're married and feel the only way you can buy what you want is to have your own checking account, I don't think finances are your biggest concern.


Pony-Vomit
LSU Fan
Baton Rouge
Member since Jan 2013
235 posts

re: Having the "Money Talk" with the SO before marriage
Here's the thing - if your whole money situation in your marriage is "pay the bills together, and then whatever left over is yours to spend," you have a very nearsighted marriage.

Vacations cost money. Kids cost money. Houses cost money. Cars cost money. Schools cost money. Typical marriages (not OT ballers) have to plan years and save for things, and you have to do these things together.

The whole "whatever leftover is yours to spend" only works if you have absolutely no desire to do any of the above, or you already have all of the above paid in full. You shouldn't have to ask permission to buy little shit, like a CD, but everything needs to be transparent in a marriage


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CurDog
LSU Fan
Member since Jan 2007
26220 posts

re: Having the "Money Talk" with the SO before marriage


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joeytiger
LSU Fan
Denham Springs
Member since Jul 2012
3947 posts

re: Having the "Money Talk" with the SO before marriage
We have the same account, but we keep seperate registers. We tried the whole same account, same register thing and it was a disaster. She spent way more of my money. Also, if she has credit cards, take them from her now. Maybe my wife isn't like most women, but it works now that we have seperate registers and I have her credit cards.


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afatgreekcat
New Orleans Saints Fan
Atlanta, GA
Member since Jan 2013
2828 posts

re: Having the "Money Talk" with the SO before marriage
quote:

joint account for joint expenses


individual accounts for your own money.

paychecks go into individual accounts.

each person contributes equally to the joint account every pay day


This sounds like what I would want to do if I ever get married .. which I really don't want to, but things could change.


chryso
Member since Jul 2008
5736 posts

re: Having the "Money Talk" with the SO before marriage
If you are going to get married you need to be all in. If you can't do that then you are not ready.


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saderade
New Orleans Saints Fan
America's City
Member since Jul 2005
21794 posts

re: Having the "Money Talk" with the SO before marriage
I think all of this depends on the marriage. Most marriages work better with joint accounts. We have a joint account but also have a few thousand in separate accounts if needed. For instance, I wouldn't take out of our joint account if I were to go on a bachelor party. On the other hand my parents have been married 35+ years with separate accounts and they just divide up the bills.


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2geaux
LSU Fan
Georgia
Member since Feb 2008
728 posts

re: Having the "Money Talk" with the SO before marriage
Extremely important! Ask to see credit score and references while you are at it!


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lsunurse
LSU Fan
Scottsdale, AZ
Member since Dec 2005
99999 posts

re: Having the "Money Talk" with the SO before marriage
We def had the money talk before we got married. Right now we have seperate checking and a joint checking/savings that willbe used for future stuff(ex:saving up for down payment on house, etc). We are only 3 months into our marriage though so our system may change as our marriage grows. We are still in a huge transition period though. I usually pay all the household bills out if my account and then he sends me the money over his phone(we both have Chase so sending money to each other is super easy). Right now we split most bills 50/50 but I can see that changing to reflect our differences in income.


Point being.....we are willing to work together as a married couple to find the system that works best for us. We don't go off and spend massive amounts with our seperate accounts without talking with each other first either.


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samson73103
Alabama Fan
Krypton
Member since Nov 2008
2447 posts

re: Having the "Money Talk" with the SO before marriage
Better make sure yall are on the same page...biggest reason why the ex and I split was over money. I like to make it and save it, she didn't work outside the home but spent it like a drunken sailor.


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Jwodie
LSU Fan
New Orleans
Member since Sep 2009
6073 posts

re: Having the "Money Talk" with the SO before marriage
quote:

Have you ever tried explaining the dynamics of the 46 defense to a 2 year old?




Great analogy.


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dewster
Vanderbilt Fan
Pittsburgh
Member since Aug 2006
10146 posts

re: Having the "Money Talk" with the SO before marriage
I'm new to this, but I agree with the separate account in your case. I'm in a similar situation.

My wife isn't yet done with college. Her student loan debt combined with the low wages at her part time job are having me lean towards two separate accounts.....one for each of us (where our paychecks are deposited) and then a joint savings account from where all purchase and investment decisions are made jointly for joint goals (vacations, new furniture, next car purchase). I make way more than she does and will for at least the next few years. For now, I think this is a good way to go for me. It's by no means a permanent solution.

Any big purchase decision is made together. She is very aware that I am not made of money and I am aware that she wouldn't appreciate me spending big bucks without her knowing.
This post was edited on 1/18 at 2:08 pm


Geauxld Finger
LSU Fan
Baton Rouge
Member since Jan 2005
25824 posts

re: Having the "Money Talk" with the SO before marriage
wives/fiances staaaaaaaaaaaacked
our wallets fuuuuuuuuuuuuucked


DanTiger
LSU Fan
Somewhere in Luziana
Member since Sep 2004
9395 posts

re: Having the "Money Talk" with the SO before marriage
I have never done the separate account thing with my wife. Wife doesn't work and I don't restrict her access to funds as she is free to buy whatever she wants just as I am. We do consult with each other on big purchases like houses and cars but we don't worry about other things. I haven't had a problem my entire marriage keepign things this way. You might as well just stay roommates if you are going to split bills and have separate accounts. there is no reason for separate accounts unless there is something you wish to hide.


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