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Started By
Message
re: Got any good jokes?
Posted on 3/26/14 at 6:52 am to Tiger Iron
Posted on 3/26/14 at 6:52 am to Tiger Iron
A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a cold one. The bartender gives it to him and says "that'll be $25." A minute later making conversation the bartender says "We don't get many gorillas round these parts"
The gorilla replies "I'm not surprised at those prices"
The gorilla replies "I'm not surprised at those prices"
This post was edited on 3/26/14 at 6:55 am
1
Posted on 3/26/14 at 9:57 am to soccerfüt
How do you tell the sex of a chromosome?
Pull down its jeans!
Pull down its jeans!
Posted on 3/26/14 at 10:41 am to LSU Tigerhead
Little susie and her mom were at the zoo and they came upon the monkey exhibit and the monkeys were having sex....
Lil susie asks her mother, "what are they doing?"
Horrified the mother tired to come up w a quick explanation, "oh uh they are making cakes".....
so as they are walking home, they pass 2 dogs mounted up in someones yard..... Without missing a beat, lil susie says...."look mom they are making cakes"
The mother says, "thats right susie... making cakes" and they continue on their way home....
The next morning lil susie comes down to the kitchen while her mother makes breakfast....
Lil susie says...., "Mom, were you and dad making cakes in the living room lastnight??"
Shocked the mother says,"why do you ask?""
Susie says, "well I just licked the icing off the couch!"
Lil susie asks her mother, "what are they doing?"
Horrified the mother tired to come up w a quick explanation, "oh uh they are making cakes".....
so as they are walking home, they pass 2 dogs mounted up in someones yard..... Without missing a beat, lil susie says...."look mom they are making cakes"
The mother says, "thats right susie... making cakes" and they continue on their way home....
The next morning lil susie comes down to the kitchen while her mother makes breakfast....
Lil susie says...., "Mom, were you and dad making cakes in the living room lastnight??"
Shocked the mother says,"why do you ask?""
Susie says, "well I just licked the icing off the couch!"
Posted on 3/26/14 at 10:48 am to sonoma8
Posted on 3/26/14 at 11:11 am to sonoma8
quote:
Little susie and her mom were at the zoo and they came upon the monkey exhibit and the monkeys were having sex....
Lil susie asks her mother, "what are they doing?"
Horrified the mother tired to come up w a quick explanation, "oh uh they are making cakes".....
so as they are walking home, they pass 2 dogs mounted up in someones yard..... Without missing a beat, lil susie says...."look mom they are making cakes"
The mother says, "thats right susie... making cakes" and they continue on their way home....
The next morning lil susie comes down to the kitchen while her mother makes breakfast....
Lil susie says...., "Mom, were you and dad making cakes in the living room lastnight??"
Shocked the mother says,"why do you ask?""
Susie says, "well I just licked the icing off the couch!"
Posted on 3/26/14 at 11:19 am to craigbiggio
What did the Jewish dad say when his son asked him to borrow $30?
20 bucks? What do you mean 15 bucks? What do you need 5 bucks for?
20 bucks? What do you mean 15 bucks? What do you need 5 bucks for?
Posted on 3/26/14 at 11:38 am to LSU Tigerhead
lil johnnie's - mom, can we go see aunt Josephine's new baby boy? I really want to go see my cousin for the first time
mom- yes. but, I have to tell you something. your cousin was born with no ears and your aunt jo is very sensitive about it so YOU BETTER NOT MENTION IT.
johnnie- don't worry mom. I won't. promise
mom - hi, Josephine. johnnie and I came to see the new addition to the family.
*Josephine was nervous as shite because she was scarred that johnnie would say something to upset her"
*they walk to the nursery to find the baby in a baby bed*
johnnie- aunt jo, you have a cute kid here
jo- why...thanks johnnie
johnnie- look how big his hands are. maybe one day he can play receiver for the saints
jo- maybe so.
johnnie- look how big his feet are. maybe one day he can play runningback for the saints
jo- you're right, buddy. maybe so
johnnie- aunt jo, he sure has some beautiful eyes. *waiving his hands in front of baby's eyes"
jo- thanks johnnie
johnnie- can he see pretty good?
jo- yep....doc says 20/20 vision
johnnie- well....that's good cuz he aint never gonna be able to where no fricking glasses.
mom- yes. but, I have to tell you something. your cousin was born with no ears and your aunt jo is very sensitive about it so YOU BETTER NOT MENTION IT.
johnnie- don't worry mom. I won't. promise
mom - hi, Josephine. johnnie and I came to see the new addition to the family.
*Josephine was nervous as shite because she was scarred that johnnie would say something to upset her"
*they walk to the nursery to find the baby in a baby bed*
johnnie- aunt jo, you have a cute kid here
jo- why...thanks johnnie
johnnie- look how big his hands are. maybe one day he can play receiver for the saints
jo- maybe so.
johnnie- look how big his feet are. maybe one day he can play runningback for the saints
jo- you're right, buddy. maybe so
johnnie- aunt jo, he sure has some beautiful eyes. *waiving his hands in front of baby's eyes"
jo- thanks johnnie
johnnie- can he see pretty good?
jo- yep....doc says 20/20 vision
johnnie- well....that's good cuz he aint never gonna be able to where no fricking glasses.
This post was edited on 3/26/14 at 11:54 am
Posted on 3/26/14 at 11:40 am to oldcharlie8
Why did the blonde sleep with the Mexican?
Because her teacher told her to do an essay.
Because her teacher told her to do an essay.
This post was edited on 3/26/14 at 12:02 pm
Posted on 3/26/14 at 11:43 am to mkibod1
Do you know how I know Jesus wasn't born in the state of Alabama?
Because it is not possible to find a virgin and 3 wise men there.
Because it is not possible to find a virgin and 3 wise men there.
Posted on 3/26/14 at 12:01 pm to LSU Tigerhead
2 classic joke combo:
Me: why did the chicken cross the road?
You: why?
Me: to see the 'idiot'<-- wanted to put something else but got *'ed
Me : knock, knock
You: who's there?
Me: chicken!
Me: why did the chicken cross the road?
You: why?
Me: to see the 'idiot'<-- wanted to put something else but got *'ed
Me : knock, knock
You: who's there?
Me: chicken!
This post was edited on 3/26/14 at 12:04 pm
Posted on 3/26/14 at 12:51 pm to LSU Tigerhead
A guy sits at a bar studying his watch. An attractive woman sitting next to him notices how he continually admires his watch, and curiosity gets the best of her.
She asks, "I can't help but notice how you seem enthralled with your watch...is it new?"
He replies, "Actually, I've had this watch for a while now. It's a special watch."
Even more curious, the woman asks "What's so special about it? Is it a token from a loved one, a memoir of some sort?"
He says, "No it's nothing like that. This watch gives me telepathic powers."
Mildly amused, she plays along: "Oh is that so? How can you prove that?"
Grinning he replies: "Well, right now my watch is telling me that you're not wearing any underwear."
Blushing slightly and unsure what to make of the bold remark, she responds: "I'm sorry to tell you this, but your special watch must be broken...I am indeed wearing panties."
The guy, without missing a beat, says: "Damn thing must be 15 minutes fast."
She asks, "I can't help but notice how you seem enthralled with your watch...is it new?"
He replies, "Actually, I've had this watch for a while now. It's a special watch."
Even more curious, the woman asks "What's so special about it? Is it a token from a loved one, a memoir of some sort?"
He says, "No it's nothing like that. This watch gives me telepathic powers."
Mildly amused, she plays along: "Oh is that so? How can you prove that?"
Grinning he replies: "Well, right now my watch is telling me that you're not wearing any underwear."
Blushing slightly and unsure what to make of the bold remark, she responds: "I'm sorry to tell you this, but your special watch must be broken...I am indeed wearing panties."
The guy, without missing a beat, says: "Damn thing must be 15 minutes fast."
Posted on 3/26/14 at 1:02 pm to oldcharlie8
wear
Posted on 3/26/14 at 1:08 pm to CockHolliday
An Irishmen is sitting at a bar in a small mountain town. After a minute or two he calls the bartender over.
"You see that bridge over there", he says, pointing out the window, "I built that bridge with me own two hands...but do they call me Brady.. the bridge builder??...No they don't."
"What about that church up on that hill over yonder. I alone built that church from the ground up, carrying every stone and every beam on me own back up that steep hill....but do they call me Brady..the church builder?...No they don't."
"But if you frick one goat!!"
"You see that bridge over there", he says, pointing out the window, "I built that bridge with me own two hands...but do they call me Brady.. the bridge builder??...No they don't."
"What about that church up on that hill over yonder. I alone built that church from the ground up, carrying every stone and every beam on me own back up that steep hill....but do they call me Brady..the church builder?...No they don't."
"But if you frick one goat!!"
Posted on 3/26/14 at 1:15 pm to HollierThanThou
Why did the Alabama fan crosd the road?
His dick was stuck in the chicken.
His dick was stuck in the chicken.
Posted on 3/26/14 at 1:20 pm to LSU Tigerhead
Two Southern Belles are talking one day over tea. Southern Belle #1 had just returned from her first trip to New York City and she was telling Southern Belle #2 what she had seen there.
SB#1: "Did you know that in New York City there are men who will put their mouths on the private parts of other men?"
SB#2: "Oh, my....whatever do they call such men?"
SB#1: "They call such men homosexuals."
SB#2: "Oh, my....."
SB#1: "And did you know that in New York City there are women who will put their mouths on the private parts of other women?"
SB#2: "Oh, my.....whatever do they call such women?"
SB#1: "The call such women lesbians."
SB#2: "Oh, my....."
SB#1: "And do you know that in New York City there are men who will put their mouths on the private parts of women?"
SB#2: "Oh, my...whatever do they call such men?"
SB#1: "Well.....I don't rightly know. But when I finally caught my breath, I called him Precious."
SB#1: "Did you know that in New York City there are men who will put their mouths on the private parts of other men?"
SB#2: "Oh, my....whatever do they call such men?"
SB#1: "They call such men homosexuals."
SB#2: "Oh, my....."
SB#1: "And did you know that in New York City there are women who will put their mouths on the private parts of other women?"
SB#2: "Oh, my.....whatever do they call such women?"
SB#1: "The call such women lesbians."
SB#2: "Oh, my....."
SB#1: "And do you know that in New York City there are men who will put their mouths on the private parts of women?"
SB#2: "Oh, my...whatever do they call such men?"
SB#1: "Well.....I don't rightly know. But when I finally caught my breath, I called him Precious."
Posted on 2/14/17 at 7:52 pm to LSURussian
Bump... Feel free to add to this..
Posted on 2/14/17 at 7:55 pm to LSU Tigerhead
What's the difference between an Iraqi school and a terrorist training camp?
I don't know; I'm just a drone pilot.
I don't know; I'm just a drone pilot.
This post was edited on 2/14/17 at 7:57 pm
Posted on 2/14/17 at 8:05 pm to LSU Tigerhead
Remember that time Ole Miss football played in the SEC Championship Game?
Neither do I.
Neither do I.
Posted on 2/14/17 at 8:22 pm to LSU Tigerhead
A narcissist, an egomaniac, and an orange pussy-grabbing frickface walk into a bar. What does the bartender say?
Hey Mr. President!
Hey Mr. President!
Posted on 2/14/17 at 8:25 pm to WeBleedCrimson
(no message)
This post was edited on 5/5/17 at 1:57 am
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