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Posted on 1/16/17 at 2:52 pm to LakeViewLSU
What do you call a Mexican body builder that's out of protein powder?
No Whey Jose
No Whey Jose
Posted on 1/16/17 at 2:52 pm to LakeViewLSU
When you ask for Nutrasweet, know why they always give you 2...?
Because they're Equal...
Because they're Equal...
Posted on 1/16/17 at 2:55 pm to Pectus
It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a woman begins pounding on the front door.
"Please let me in," says the woman desperately. "I forgot to buy a turkey, and my husband will kill me if I don't come home with one."
"Okay," says the butcher. "Let me see what I have left." He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the woman. "Here's one, 6 pounds. I'll give it to you for fifteen bucks."
"That's one is too skinny. Do you have anything bigger?" says the woman.
The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and rustles around, pretending to look for another bird. He waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the woman. "This one is 8 pounds. It's 20 dollars."
"Hmm," says the woman, thinking carefully. "I'll tell you what - give me both."
"Please let me in," says the woman desperately. "I forgot to buy a turkey, and my husband will kill me if I don't come home with one."
"Okay," says the butcher. "Let me see what I have left." He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the woman. "Here's one, 6 pounds. I'll give it to you for fifteen bucks."
"That's one is too skinny. Do you have anything bigger?" says the woman.
The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and rustles around, pretending to look for another bird. He waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the woman. "This one is 8 pounds. It's 20 dollars."
"Hmm," says the woman, thinking carefully. "I'll tell you what - give me both."
Posted on 1/16/17 at 2:55 pm to LakeViewLSU
A farmer walks into his wife's bedroom with a sheep under his arm and states, "I just want you to see the ugly fat cow that I have to have sex with when you turn me down."
His wife says, "That's not a cow - that's a sheep!"
Farmer: "I was talking to the sheep."
His wife says, "That's not a cow - that's a sheep!"
Farmer: "I was talking to the sheep."
Posted on 1/16/17 at 2:58 pm to LakeViewLSU
what do you call a bunch of rabbit running backwards along side one another?
a receding hare line!!!
a receding hare line!!!
Posted on 1/16/17 at 2:58 pm to LakeViewLSU
An Irishman walks out of a bar.
Posted on 1/16/17 at 2:58 pm to LakeViewLSU
How do Germans tie their shoes?
In little knotsies.
In little knotsies.
Posted on 1/16/17 at 2:59 pm to LakeViewLSU
Me: knock knock?
You: Whose there?
Me: Obama.
You: Obama who?
Me: OOOOObaaaaaaaa maaaaa self!
What do you get if an elephant and a rhino had a kid? Elephino (hell if I know)
What does the Pink Panther say when he steps on a bunch of ants? Dead ant, dead ant.. dead ant (like the pink panther theme song).
You: Whose there?
Me: Obama.
You: Obama who?
Me: OOOOObaaaaaaaa maaaaa self!
What do you get if an elephant and a rhino had a kid? Elephino (hell if I know)
What does the Pink Panther say when he steps on a bunch of ants? Dead ant, dead ant.. dead ant (like the pink panther theme song).
Posted on 1/16/17 at 3:00 pm to LakeViewLSU
A frog goes to the doctor. "Doctor, my penis is yellow, it's supposed to be green." Doctor says "Yes, I see that. That can be a problem. Go see the wizard of oz."
Rhinoceros goes to the doctor. "Doctor, my penis is blue, it's supposed to be brown." Doctor says "Yes, I see that. That can be a problem. Go see the wizard of oz." "How Do I get there?" "Follow the yellow dick toad."
Rhinoceros goes to the doctor. "Doctor, my penis is blue, it's supposed to be brown." Doctor says "Yes, I see that. That can be a problem. Go see the wizard of oz." "How Do I get there?" "Follow the yellow dick toad."
Posted on 1/16/17 at 3:20 pm to I am GLORIOUS
I always wondered how the rest of that joke went. Bender fell through the ceiling before he could finish it.
Posted on 1/16/17 at 3:24 pm to CoachDon
Are you a fire engine?
Posted on 1/16/17 at 3:27 pm to LakeViewLSU
Why'd the hipster burn his mouth when he ate his food?
He did it before it was cool.
He did it before it was cool.
Posted on 1/16/17 at 3:30 pm to LakeViewLSU
Did you hear about the two antennae that got married?
The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was terrific.
Did you hear the energizer bunny got arrested?
He was charged with battery.
Knock knock
Who's there?
The Police
The Police Who?
Ma'am, your son is dead.
Yo mama's so ugly that your father no longer finds her attractive and now their marriage is in trouble.
The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was terrific.
Did you hear the energizer bunny got arrested?
He was charged with battery.
Knock knock
Who's there?
The Police
The Police Who?
Ma'am, your son is dead.
Yo mama's so ugly that your father no longer finds her attractive and now their marriage is in trouble.
Posted on 1/16/17 at 3:39 pm to LakeViewLSU
Ask Alexa to tell you a joke.
Posted on 1/16/17 at 3:40 pm to lsunutinno
How do clowns tie their shoes?
With little bowzos.
With little bowzos.
Posted on 1/16/17 at 3:56 pm to Hangit
Ten blondes walk in to a bar chanting "fifteen months, fifteen months!". Bartender asks, "What are we celebrating, ladies?" The blondes reply, "We finished a puzzle in fifteen months, and on the box it said 3-5 years".
Posted on 1/16/17 at 3:59 pm to LakeViewLSU
Posted on 1/16/17 at 4:00 pm to LSU-MNCBABY
What do you call 2 Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
Juan on Juan.
Posted on 1/16/17 at 9:18 pm to LakeViewLSU
I was walking past a tall wooden fence the other day, you know the kind you see outside a building site. As I walked along beside it I heard chanting coming from behind the fence further up... they were chanting numbers, or rather just one number.
"Thirteen, thirteen, thirteen, thirteen, ..." they excitedly chanted. It sounded like a small crowd, young and old; men, women and children. All of them saying the same number over and over.
As I approached I saw a small hole in the fence just big enough to look through. The hole was right where the sound appeared to be originating from.
So, with the crowd continuing to chant "... thirteen, thirteen, thirteen, thirteen" and it seeming to become more intense as I leaned down to place my eye at the hole and work out WTF was happening in there.
Just as I put my eye to the hole a small finger like that of a child poked me in the eye and the crowd stared cheered loudly and started chanting again..
"Fourteen, fourteen, fourteen..."
"Thirteen, thirteen, thirteen, thirteen, ..." they excitedly chanted. It sounded like a small crowd, young and old; men, women and children. All of them saying the same number over and over.
As I approached I saw a small hole in the fence just big enough to look through. The hole was right where the sound appeared to be originating from.
So, with the crowd continuing to chant "... thirteen, thirteen, thirteen, thirteen" and it seeming to become more intense as I leaned down to place my eye at the hole and work out WTF was happening in there.
Just as I put my eye to the hole a small finger like that of a child poked me in the eye and the crowd stared cheered loudly and started chanting again..
"Fourteen, fourteen, fourteen..."
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