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re: Death of a spouse or unwanted divorce???
Posted on 7/7/16 at 2:53 pm to BabyTac
Posted on 7/7/16 at 2:53 pm to BabyTac
Wow, I can't believe it... an OT thread where I am, apparently, the only poor bastard qualified to answer the OP's question.
Having experienced BOTH scenarios, I can tell you that the death of a spouse is worse. My divorce was not unwanted... it was mutual... but nothing's worse than knowing that someone you love is not on this earth anymore.
Every time I have a birthday, I think... this is an age she will never see. Every time I accomplish something in life... I think how she would have reacted to it. When I dream about her... I stop in the dream and think... wait... you shouldn't be here.
I'm lucky. I've restarted my life with a fantastic wife... so I'm happy again. It just sucks that #2 had to die. Given the choice between an ex that's still alive and an ex that's not... life trumps death every time.
Having experienced BOTH scenarios, I can tell you that the death of a spouse is worse. My divorce was not unwanted... it was mutual... but nothing's worse than knowing that someone you love is not on this earth anymore.
Every time I have a birthday, I think... this is an age she will never see. Every time I accomplish something in life... I think how she would have reacted to it. When I dream about her... I stop in the dream and think... wait... you shouldn't be here.
I'm lucky. I've restarted my life with a fantastic wife... so I'm happy again. It just sucks that #2 had to die. Given the choice between an ex that's still alive and an ex that's not... life trumps death every time.
1
Posted on 7/7/16 at 2:59 pm to BabyTac
quote:
Which one is harder to deal, cope with
Spouse's lack of death
Posted on 7/7/16 at 3:00 pm to SpqrTiger
quote:
Having experienced BOTH scenarios, I can tell you that the death of a spouse is worse. My divorce was not unwanted... it was mutual... but nothing's worse than knowing that someone you love is not on this earth anymore.
Do you still have to see your ex? Do you have children together? You say nothing's worse than knowing someone you love is not on this earth anymore. Have you experienced seeing someone you love time after time leave and know they're going home to another man?
quote:
Every time I have a birthday, I think... this is an age she will never see. Every time I accomplish something in life... I think how she would have reacted to it. When I dream about her... I stop in the dream and think... wait... you shouldn't be here.
Every time I do all those things, I react the same way. Except I have to deal with she could be there for those moments. She just chose not to.
I'm not blasting you or anything bro. I'm happy that you have moved on from all that and found a good woman.
Posted on 7/7/16 at 3:02 pm to LucasP
quote:
I would imagine that anyone who has been through either, probably thinks the other would be better.
To get a real answer to this you're gonna have to find some poor bastard who's done it both ways. Any divorced widows on here?
I have been divorced and I had a fiance die suddenly. To lose my fiance was the worst thing I have ever experienced. It is like the earth losing the sun. You lose the one that your world revolves around as well as your source of light and warmth.
A divorce may hurt and cause great pain but the there is always hope that someday you can talk to them and comes to term with it.
Posted on 7/7/16 at 3:02 pm to RockAndRollDetective
quote:
but sincerely preferring a loved one to die so YOU will suffer less is just kind of disgusting IMO.
Your reading comprehension is disgusting. He didn't say "pick one of these to happen", he said:
quote:
Which one is harder to deal, cope with and move on from?
Nowhere at any point did I say I hoped a loved one would die to make things easier on me.
Posted on 7/7/16 at 3:08 pm to WG_Dawg
How is it any different? You're still opting for someone you supposedly love to DIE.
I know all this is alpha baw talk and all but that's just heinous right from jump.
I know all this is alpha baw talk and all but that's just heinous right from jump.
Posted on 7/7/16 at 3:45 pm to jvilletiger25
quote:
Do you still have to see your ex? Do you have children together? You say nothing's worse than knowing someone you love is not on this earth anymore. Have you experienced seeing someone you love time after time leave and know they're going home to another man?
Just to answer your questions... No, I don't have to see her anymore. Yes, we have a child together, and no, it doesn't bother me. It was a long time ago. I suspect that your experience is more recent. I can totally understand.
I will say this to encourage you though... no matter what kind of train wreck you've experienced... there's always tomorrow. It sounds trite, but that's what helps you through it all. I'm happy because I never stopped believing that I could be happy.
One final thought... I always thought Louis CK said it best when he described divorce. He said, divorce is like having a million dollars... in the currency of a country that no longer exists.
Posted on 7/7/16 at 3:49 pm to SpqrTiger
(no message)
This post was edited on 7/7/16 at 3:50 pm
Posted on 7/7/16 at 3:54 pm to Yellerhammer5
quote:
Are you contemplating murdering your wife before the divorce?
That's how I took it.
Posted on 7/7/16 at 3:58 pm to Walt OReilly
quote:
I imagine catching your wife in the act with a BBC would be devastating
sounds like prison time to me.
Posted on 7/7/16 at 3:58 pm to BabyTac
My spouse would be dead either way
Posted on 7/7/16 at 4:21 pm to Thib-a-doe Tiger
I would have to say death.
But, I have a good friend who HAD to get a nasty divorce. Once the word got on the street about what she was doing to him, he received lots of attention from women that were mutual friends. He said Friday and Saturday nights now are like shooting fish in a barrel. He does not make calls or text, they all come to him.
But, I have a good friend who HAD to get a nasty divorce. Once the word got on the street about what she was doing to him, he received lots of attention from women that were mutual friends. He said Friday and Saturday nights now are like shooting fish in a barrel. He does not make calls or text, they all come to him.
Posted on 7/7/16 at 4:26 pm to BabyTac
Three couples very close to me have divorced or they are still in process. In all three, the parties opposed to those close to me have been completely vicious and cruel, false accusations. There's nothing but greed and an effort to totally destroy the other. The inhumanity on display boggles the mind of anyone with a sense of common human decency.
I hope I don't have to experience either, but clinging to Faith can possibly help one who survives being widowed. The hate and personal destruction from unwanted divorce never ends.
I hope I don't have to experience either, but clinging to Faith can possibly help one who survives being widowed. The hate and personal destruction from unwanted divorce never ends.
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