Caring for an Elderly Parent at Home vs. Nursing Home

What would you want if you were in his situation? I think the answer is obvious.

I had two grandparents die within a year of each other. My wife's grandmother (essentially mine too) lived the last days in her house. My grandmother was in a nursing home.

THe nursing home seemed to be a much more compassionate way to go. The home health aides they had were just terrible for my wife's grandmother. YMMV

Skilled nursing or LTC? Big difference

He could potentially get ~3 hours of therapy per day 5-6 days per week at a skilled nursing facility (short term nursing home, basically). At home, he would get home health, probably around an hour or so per day, 3 days per week. I obviously don't know your situation, but if there is a realistic chance he should recover from whatever he has going on, I would go the SNF route. If it's just going to be palliative care, home may be more comfortable.

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He could potentially get ~3 hours of therapy per day 5-6 days per week at a skilled nursing facility

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Are you referring to acute rehab?

My Mom did it with my Dad for 18 months. It was what she wanted to do more than him. It was a strain on her both physically and mentally but she managed with the help of round the clock sitters. No easy answer. Good luck and prayers for your family.

Not necessarily. Mainly speaking of the RUG level system for therapy in short term skilled care.

This is tough spot to be in. We tried caring for my grandmother at home when she had terminal cancer. The home health (hospice) people turned out to be unreliable; they either wouldn’t show up at all or it would be hours after they were expected. Our main problem was lifting her and trying to keep her clean. I know you said your dad is a big guy, when sick people are unable to lift themselves at all it’s hard, plus you’re always worried about hurting them accidentally. We finally had to make the move to the nursing home and my mom second guessed that decision for a long time. But the care was much better than what we could’ve done at home and everyone there was a total professional. My condolences go out to you on having to make this decision, I know it’s hard.

Roach brings up a good point. Do some research. All facilities are NOT created equal. They are great ones where staff takes pride in their jobs, and there are absolute dumps were people basically show up to collect a paycheck.

Very few nursing homes really give a damn about anything other than money. They'll smile, grin, pat you on the shoulder, hug you and all that, but they rarely pay any of the aids enough to survive on so they can't get good help. Not saying this is always the case but more often than not.

No doubt your dad wants to die at home. But as strong as your mom might be, the stress alone is enough; toss in her doing all everything she can for him day and night and it'll take a toll on her as well.

I feel for you and your mom, and your dad.

That said, many folks don't realize it but with my mother in law, her husband left enough for her to be cared for for several years: pension, VA, social security, and she had social security as well. With Alzheimers she was in the nursing home for about 10 years and it took every dime. When all the $ was gone, I suppose it was Medicare that kicked in. Months after she died, my wife got a bill from the state with a claim against the estate for $80,000.

Talked to several attorneys and all said the law had been on the books but never enforced until Jindal took over. Screw him anyway on other counts.

What they did not know was that the family home they put a claim against was half/owned by my wife and had been for years. They could only go after half the house. Our attorney broke the news to the state and they wanted to know why we had not told them. He told them it was not our job to tell them anything. They eventually dropped the claim but you need to beware.

Godspeed to you, especially your Mom and Dad.