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re: Buddy making his fiance sign a prenup that says no children.

Posted on 3/23/14 at 2:40 pm to
Posted by Feral
Member since Mar 2012
12417 posts
Posted on 3/23/14 at 2:40 pm to
quote:

He may love her and not want children. He made this clear, its her choice to stay with or not. How on earth can you believe this is the man's fault? The woman is aware of the fact he does not want children. She has the ability to leave...what is the problem?


As much as I hate to say it, you're correct.

I should preface this by saying the guy sounds like a huge Richard, but to be fair, he is being honest in terms of future wishes or intentions going forward. It's not like he's luring her into a marriage with false promises and the reneging once they've had the ceremony. She knows his intentions -- I'd venture a guess she's probably known he doesn't want kids for most of the time they've been together -- and has the opportunity to leave and hasn't.

My wife's friend is in a situation just like this -- living with a guy who's a genuine a-hole to her both in private and in front of people, generally treats her terribly, and she caves to him on everything because she's obsessed with being married and not being alone past 30. She's in for a rough life (like, this guy has legitimate emotional problems and will likely be a horrendous father and husband), but she's willfully suspended her sense of disbelief because she honestly believes the crap about "changing" him (has told my wife as much) and therefore won't nut up and leave. This guy, like the guy in the OP, at least has been fairly open about how he feels about the situation, so they can't totally be blamed. And no, I'm not victim blaming or anything, just opining about mutual culpability since both females were too obsessed with the status quo to do themselves a favor and move on to better situations.
This post was edited on 3/23/14 at 2:50 pm
Posted by Feral
Member since Mar 2012
12417 posts
Posted on 3/23/14 at 2:57 pm to
quote:

this marriage won't last too long.


It'll last as long as he wants it to last. The fact that she caved on an issue of this magnitude and importance to her tells me all I need to know about the dynamics of the relationship. If she caved on kids, she'll cave on pretty much anything from here on out. Appeasement does not work in uneven relationships and marriages.

Example #472938 of a woman without the upper hand thinking the can "change" her man when in fact he's got her whipped as frick.
Posted by Feral
Member since Mar 2012
12417 posts
Posted on 3/23/14 at 3:01 pm to
quote:

Right. You don't need a prenup to divorce your wife if she gets pregnant and you don't want kids. However, you won't be able to contract out of paternal monetary obligations if she does either. Ergo, the whole idea seems basically pointless.


Yeah, the guy is either just trying to prove a point about who has the upper hand in the relationship or in the back of his mind he's leaving open the possibility of someday wanting kids.

He'd get snipped if he was serious about not having kids.
Posted by Asgard Device
The Daedalus
Member since Apr 2011
11562 posts
Posted on 3/23/14 at 3:05 pm to
Contract would never hold up in court.

I have a feeling this guy also thinks marriage should only be between a man and a woman because the purpose of marriage is to have children/a family.

Woman sounds dumb, too. Why wouldn't she move on? Nobody that loves you wants to force you to grow old and die childless.
Posted by Tiger Ryno
#WoF
Member since Feb 2007
103069 posts
Posted on 3/23/14 at 3:09 pm to
The whole idea of marriage is a structure to create and raise childeen. Why would this idiot woman want to marry someone who has no interest in kids? Just be his girlfriend and save your self the court drama later
Posted by redfish99
B.R.
Member since Aug 2007
16440 posts
Posted on 3/23/14 at 3:23 pm to
Not the dudes fault here IMO He's the one that knows what he wants and doesn't want. He knows the chick thinks she can change his mind, he knows she can't . Rock On
Posted by HubbaBubba
F_uck Joe Biden, TX
Member since Oct 2010
45760 posts
Posted on 3/23/14 at 4:18 pm to
Here's the thing, if he proposed FIRST, then she ACCEPTED, then a pre-nup after that would be null and void because it would then be agreed to under duress, and agreements and contracts made under duress don't stand up in court.
Posted by yellowfin
Coastal Bar
Member since May 2006
97640 posts
Posted on 3/23/14 at 4:22 pm to
your friend is an idiot for getting married if he doesn't want kids
Posted by LT
The City of St. George
Member since May 2008
5151 posts
Posted on 3/23/14 at 5:47 pm to
quote:

Not the dudes fault here IMO He's the one that knows what he wants and doesn't want. He knows the chick thinks she can change his mind, he knows she can't . Rock On



They both know what they want. It's not even close. There are things in life that a married couple can compromise on, this ain't one of them. I have no idea why he would waste the money and a chunk of life on something poisoned from the beginning.

She sounds like a mess to entertain something like this. He should set her loose and bang strange. No need to get married without babies.
Posted by HubbaBubba
F_uck Joe Biden, TX
Member since Oct 2010
45760 posts
Posted on 3/23/14 at 5:53 pm to
I wanted A girl and got one from my wife. I was okay with that. She wanted another. I didn't but she did and that was all that mattered. I got a son. Could not be happier. If you love each other you make sacrifices for the sake of the marriage. Period.
Posted by Feral
Member since Mar 2012
12417 posts
Posted on 3/23/14 at 7:16 pm to
quote:

your friend is an idiot for getting married if he doesn't want kids


My wife and I have a few couple friends who are married and have been for several years and don't want kids one and for the foreseeable future. The thing that's stupid here is that the two people in the OP are on opposite sides of probably the biggest/greatest thing most of us will ever do in life, and that's a pretty big gulf in a new marriage.

Frankly, he's setting himself up for a miserable next few years, especially as their friends start having kids, because she'll probably constantly bug the everliving crap out of him about changing his mind and they'll probably have several fights if he hasn't.
Posted by LT
The City of St. George
Member since May 2008
5151 posts
Posted on 3/23/14 at 7:21 pm to
quote:

Frankly, he's setting himself up for a miserable marriage


Fify

Posted by RockyMtnTigerWDE
War Damn Eagle Dad!
Member since Oct 2010
105409 posts
Posted on 3/23/14 at 7:26 pm to
She should tell him she'll sign after he gets neutered. Then after he does she should write Frick off on the prenuptial, place the wring next to it and walk out.
Posted by shawnlsu
Member since Nov 2011
23682 posts
Posted on 3/23/14 at 7:35 pm to
Sounds like one of my old friends from high school. Lucky for him, he found a girl that is just as vain as him if not more, so they make each other happy even though neither of them have many friends left.
Posted by Come2Conquer
Baton Rouge
Member since Sep 2004
4794 posts
Posted on 3/23/14 at 7:56 pm to
She could always marry him then get pregnant by someone else. Worked for me.

Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
422470 posts
Posted on 3/23/14 at 7:58 pm to
well that escalated quickly
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