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re: At what point does a SO become too irresponsible to be with?
Posted on 9/21/14 at 3:14 pm to Tigerfan56
Posted on 9/21/14 at 3:14 pm to Tigerfan56
Where does she live? The cheapest apartment in Birmingham anywhere safe is at least 800 a month. 650/month is pretty reasonable. Credit card debt is where I would be concerned, even if it is only 500 bucks. If someone is willing to keep a 500 debt balance on their credit card, they will be willing to keep a 35k balance on a card. Credit cards are about two different mindsets. Responsible people view them as a way to make payments more conveniently than checks. Irresponsible people see them as a way to spend more than you have. The amount does not matter. Never marry a chick who thinks carrying long term credit card debt is ok.
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Posted on 9/21/14 at 3:16 pm to Tigerfan56
Y'all are 24. You have plenty of time to correct it. You do need to make sure you're going to have it under control if you do marry her, but there's no need to panic... She just sounds like she never had much money or independence growing up, and was not taught how to properly manage it.
I went through the same thing when I got my first job. I was broke as frick as a student, so I never really had to manage excess money. I just paid my bills and survived. So when I got out, I was making about the same as her. Whatever extra I had, I would blow just because I had a little extra. Eventually, a couple years and many dumb purchases later, I grew up, got a better job, started making twice that, and learned how to manage my extra money better. Still having to catch up from those mistakes, but I'll be on the right side of everything by the end of the year.
tl;dr version: There is still hope for you. Just gotta put your foot down when the time comes that it has to be done.
I went through the same thing when I got my first job. I was broke as frick as a student, so I never really had to manage excess money. I just paid my bills and survived. So when I got out, I was making about the same as her. Whatever extra I had, I would blow just because I had a little extra. Eventually, a couple years and many dumb purchases later, I grew up, got a better job, started making twice that, and learned how to manage my extra money better. Still having to catch up from those mistakes, but I'll be on the right side of everything by the end of the year.
tl;dr version: There is still hope for you. Just gotta put your foot down when the time comes that it has to be done.
Posted on 9/21/14 at 3:17 pm to TigerHam85
quote:
quote: Paying 650/month on rent is absurd on a 33k salary
quote:
My thoughts exactly
Posted on 9/21/14 at 3:18 pm to TigerHam85
quote:Assuming this is Baton Rouge, you aren't going to find much better.
Paying 650/month on rent is absurd on a 33k salary
My advice would be to just sit and discuss your concerns with her. She is young so she has time to learn. Get out if she blows the conversation off or gets very defensive. Because she may be a lost cause.
Posted on 9/21/14 at 3:21 pm to Tigerfan56
I teach this course, so while I'm not the only person with expertise, I'm not pulling this out of thin air, either. There are a couple of things that have the potential, straight up, to wreck a relationship/marriage, a home, and your life. Financial stress is one of them. Now is the time to think very calmly and rationally about this matter. I'm not saying break up, or she's a bad person but I am saying that you should think about putting this relationship into a lower gear until she (and you) get this debt under control, get spending under control, learn to budget, save, and invest, and come to a mutual agreement about your financial futures. Would you marry a person you knew from the start was unfaithful to you? (I hope the answer is, no.) This is just as serious. You mention her salary, debts, and liabilities, but don't mention whether she has any assets (be serious, dude!) - my guess is that she doesn't other than parental safety nets. It's pretty simple math to see that her ratios are out of whack and she's a financial ticking bomb. Again, NOT telling you she's a bad person but give her a chance to grow up, get out of debt, develop discipline in her spending. You won't regret this. You most definitely will regret the opposite.
LINK
LINK
This post was edited on 9/21/14 at 3:25 pm
Posted on 9/21/14 at 3:22 pm to saderade
quote:
My advice would be to just sit and discuss your concerns with her. She is young so she has time to learn. Get out if she blows the conversation off or gets very defensive. Because she may be a lost cause.
This. Also, if this is really going to be long term, consider what you make as well, and whether or not y'all can make it a couple years on one salary while she goes back to grad school, and whether or not it would pay down the road to do so.
Posted on 9/21/14 at 3:23 pm to donRANDOMnumbers
I guess I should clarify that the 650/month is just for a really nice place. And by the time she pays utilities it ends up being 750/month. In her area there are plenty of places you can get with a roommate for 400-500/ month, utilities included.
Posted on 9/21/14 at 3:28 pm to saderade
quote:
Assuming this is Baton Rouge, you aren't going to find much better.
exactly. who the frick wants to live in lake beau pre with 3 roommates and pay $400 a month at the age of 24.
The girl needs to figure out how to manage her money, but OP sounds ridiculous.
Posted on 9/21/14 at 3:28 pm to Tigerfan56
No, it's not. Where the hell do you find a decent place to live for less than that?
Also, a rule of thumb is typically one third your gross pay for rent, which would be about 900
Also, a rule of thumb is typically one third your gross pay for rent, which would be about 900
Posted on 9/21/14 at 3:28 pm to Cosmo
Me either
Posted on 9/21/14 at 3:30 pm to Tigerfan56
quote:
I guess I should clarify that the 650/month is just for a really nice place. And by the time she pays utilities it ends up being 750/month. In her area there are plenty of places you can get with a roommate for 400-500/ month, utilities included.
Wait...you said for a one bedroom. You want her to live with a roommate now in a 2 bedroom?
You need to clarify your posts more.
Where in BFE does she live at that $650 a month gets you a really nice place??? Mississippi?
Posted on 9/21/14 at 3:40 pm to lsunurse
quote:
Wait...you said for a one bedroom. You want her to live with a roommate now in a 2 bedroom?
I don't care what she does. I think, given her salary and debt, that the responsible thing to do would get a roommate and save money on rent to pay off debts and not live pay check to paycheck, saving $0 on the way.
But the consensus seems to be that's not too bad, so I'm fine with it.
I really just want to know if I should be concerned about these things. My situation is very different. I have 0 debt and in a very fortunate financial position with a better fiscal understanding than most my age. Just want to be proactive and identify a serious concern, if one exists, before it's too late
Posted on 9/21/14 at 3:44 pm to Tigerfan56
You're getting grilled here man, just give up
Posted on 9/21/14 at 3:45 pm to lsunurse
quote:
Where in BFE does she live at that $650 a month gets you a really nice place???
I think this is the only thing everyone wants to know at this point.
Posted on 9/21/14 at 3:49 pm to Tigerfan56
quote:
She's 34k in loan debt and $500 in credit card debt. Reasonable for our age.
how do you get school debt in louisiana? are you from out of state?
quote:
Again, 24 years old so time to grow up.
back in my day you started working the factory at 15
Posted on 9/21/14 at 3:51 pm to Tigerfan56
quote:
really just want to know if I should be concerned about these things.
It seems like it will fricking haunt you the entire relationship. So either accept it or end it. She won't change.
Tell her she has to pay off all her debt before even thinking about marriage. You will find your place quickly after that conversation.
Posted on 9/21/14 at 3:53 pm to Big Moe
quote:
why don't you move in together?
Posted on 9/21/14 at 3:54 pm to el Gaucho
Dude, they are in love....well at least he is. She is just using him for his wallet and he doesn't see it yet.
Posted on 9/21/14 at 3:55 pm to Tigerfan56
(no message)
This post was edited on 11/6/15 at 4:18 pm
Posted on 9/21/14 at 3:57 pm to fightin tigers
He still won't tell us this magic city where $650 a month gets you a really nice 1 bedroom apartment.
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