- My Forums
- Tiger Rant
- LSU Recruiting
- SEC Rant
- Saints Talk
- Pelicans Talk
- More Sports Board
- Fantasy Sports
- Golf Board
- Soccer Board
- O-T Lounge
- Tech Board
- Home/Garden Board
- Outdoor Board
- Health/Fitness Board
- Movie/TV Board
- Book Board
- Music Board
- Political Talk
- Money Talk
- Fark Board
- Gaming Board
- Travel Board
- Food/Drink Board
- Ticket Exchange
- TD Help Board
Customize My Forums- View All Forums
- Show Left Links
- Topic Sort Options
- Trending Topics
- Recent Topics
- Active Topics
Started By
Message
Advice on Gramdparent/Parent/Child relationship
Posted on 5/23/15 at 4:54 pm
Posted on 5/23/15 at 4:54 pm
The backstory is that my parents separated when I was 6 and my mom moved her kids 600 miles away before the two of them finally were divorced. Had summer and Christmas visitation with my dad from the time I was 6 until 18 before going to college and during those 12 years, there wasn't much interest on either side in building a strong relationship... end result was that there isn't much in the way of a relationship or respect.
Fast forward a few years and I have a three year old of my own. When my son was born, I re-opened the door for all the relationships in my own life that had gone sour in the hope that they could be a better grandfather/grandmother/aunt than a father/mother/sister.
Well after two years of that, I saw the same trends continuing that I saw in my childhood and cut off those ties again in order to protect my son from cancerous individuals that would only disappoint him. His mother's family is very involved in his life, but that it limited to an aunt, grandma, and one set of great-grandparents.
So, my dad shows up out of the blue today to re-open communication lines after driving 6 hours to get here, but in making his plea to belet back in, he continues to display the same behavior that persuaded me to distance my family from him in the first place.
The situation is fricked, but I believe that I am doing what is best for my son until such a time as he can evaluate for himself if these are people he wants in his life. But, I can't shake the guilt/pity of a grandfather being forbidden from seeing his grandson and waver back and forth between the role of protective father and dubitful son.
Anyway, he's in town until tomorrow morning and I have no intention to see him again before he leaves. I just haven't seen anything from him that convinces me that he would have a positive role in my son's life.
Help?
Fast forward a few years and I have a three year old of my own. When my son was born, I re-opened the door for all the relationships in my own life that had gone sour in the hope that they could be a better grandfather/grandmother/aunt than a father/mother/sister.
Well after two years of that, I saw the same trends continuing that I saw in my childhood and cut off those ties again in order to protect my son from cancerous individuals that would only disappoint him. His mother's family is very involved in his life, but that it limited to an aunt, grandma, and one set of great-grandparents.
So, my dad shows up out of the blue today to re-open communication lines after driving 6 hours to get here, but in making his plea to belet back in, he continues to display the same behavior that persuaded me to distance my family from him in the first place.
The situation is fricked, but I believe that I am doing what is best for my son until such a time as he can evaluate for himself if these are people he wants in his life. But, I can't shake the guilt/pity of a grandfather being forbidden from seeing his grandson and waver back and forth between the role of protective father and dubitful son.
Anyway, he's in town until tomorrow morning and I have no intention to see him again before he leaves. I just haven't seen anything from him that convinces me that he would have a positive role in my son's life.
Help?
15
Posted on 5/23/15 at 4:55 pm to chilge1
quote:
Advice on Gramdparent/Parent/Child relationship
tl/dr
Posted on 5/23/15 at 4:57 pm to chilge1
If he's showing the same behavior then stand your ground.
Posted on 5/23/15 at 4:58 pm to chilge1
If your reasons for protecting your son are religious, you might want to reconsider.
If your reasons are related to drugs or crime, keep the old man way the frick away.
All the stuff in between should be a gut reaction.
If your reasons are related to drugs or crime, keep the old man way the frick away.
All the stuff in between should be a gut reaction.
Posted on 5/23/15 at 5:03 pm to chilge1
(no message)
This post was edited on 8/11/15 at 2:26 pm
Posted on 5/23/15 at 5:05 pm to chilge1
Not enough info. What is the "behavior" exactly? They can't even hang out and get to know each other, in your presence?
Posted on 5/23/15 at 5:05 pm to chilge1
Does he have another wife?
Posted on 5/23/15 at 5:05 pm to chilge1
If you believe that you are doing the best thing for your son and have his best interest in mind, then I would not let guilt persuade you otherwise. Easier said than done, I'm sure.
Posted on 5/23/15 at 5:06 pm to chilge1
quote:
he continues to display the same behavior that persuaded me to distance my family from him in the first place.
What kind of behavior?
Depending on what it is, it seems like you could have some kind of middle ground where you don't cut him off completely but don't spend a lot of time around him, especially if he lives 6 hrs away.
Posted on 5/23/15 at 5:08 pm to chilge1
If you're wanting valid advice you will have to elaborate a bit on the particulars of your father's behavior. One can't glean enough information to be able to counsel without being a little more specific.
Posted on 5/23/15 at 5:12 pm to Dorothy
The behavior is mostly centered around him being an authoritarian count. He's the very definition of a WASP and I matured very far away from that environment. But as far as my son is concerned, my concern is that interest in his grandson has, to date, only been shown during birthdays and Christmas with almost nothing in between.
There has been almost no inquiries into when he started eating, walking, where he goes to school, who his friends are, what stupid-arse Disney or Nickelodeon shows he likes, etc.
The wife and I had repeatedly told him he needed to decide either to be a grandparent or not prior to making the decision for him in August. And to whoever asked, he has remarried and the new wife has children and grandchildren of her own (no blood relation).
There has been almost no inquiries into when he started eating, walking, where he goes to school, who his friends are, what stupid-arse Disney or Nickelodeon shows he likes, etc.
The wife and I had repeatedly told him he needed to decide either to be a grandparent or not prior to making the decision for him in August. And to whoever asked, he has remarried and the new wife has children and grandchildren of her own (no blood relation).
Posted on 5/23/15 at 5:14 pm to chilge1
Do what you think is in the beat interest of your son. Let the rest of the ADULTS deal with it. frick em if they don't like it. Their time has come and gone, if they won't put your childs best interest at heart, frick'em.
Posted on 5/23/15 at 5:15 pm to chilge1
I couldn't imagine not allowing my parents to have a relationship with my kids but I'm not from a broken home so that probably has something to do with it
Posted on 5/23/15 at 5:19 pm to chilge1
It's your kid, do what you feel is best for him, but don't let your feelings from the past cloud your judgement, not everyone shows their emotions or feelings to all, doesn't mean they don't care.
Posted on 5/23/15 at 5:28 pm to yellowfin
Damn, you know thats wrong.
Posted on 5/23/15 at 5:38 pm to MrLarson
So he's an a-hole and you don't like him as a person or a father...grandkids might make him a better person, he might be a good grandfather. Sometimes people love us and show their love for us the best way they know how...maybe he had a shitty father and that's what he learned. I wouldn't deny him the chance to be a good grandfather.
Posted on 5/23/15 at 5:42 pm to Bubb
Sad part is that I bet he would be okay at being a grandfather if he tried. He also would have been a good father if he tried... he just fails to actually put thought into motion at every opportunity.
It's been three years. I don't know how long I'm supposed to wait to determine if he's ever going to get his head out of his arse. I refuse to have to give my son an answer when he eventually asks why grandpa doesn't like him.
It's been three years. I don't know how long I'm supposed to wait to determine if he's ever going to get his head out of his arse. I refuse to have to give my son an answer when he eventually asks why grandpa doesn't like him.
Posted on 5/23/15 at 5:56 pm to chilge1
Speaking from experience, you can't expect your kid to have a relationship with your father if you can't have a healthy relationship with him to start.
I'd try to mend that first, honestly.
I'd try to mend that first, honestly.
Posted on 5/23/15 at 6:43 pm to chilge1
What a shitty situation....you've earned the right to do what's best for you & your child.
Page 1 of 2
Popular
Back to top
Follow TigerDroppings for LSU Football News