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José Altuve Tragically Stepped On During Rangers' Post-Game Celebration
Posted on 10/24/23 at 10:53 am
Posted on 10/24/23 at 10:53 am
quote:
HOUSTON, TX — In a horrific yet tiny accident, Houston Astros second baseman José Altuve was accidentally stepped on as the Texas Rangers stormed the mound to celebrate making it to the World Series.
"Poor little guy," said Yordan Alvarez, cradling Altuve's miniature frame in his palm. "He's like a 'Flat Stanley', but smaller and flatter."
According to witnesses, Rangers shortstop Corey Seager felt a slight crunch under his cleat when running out to celebrate his team's game seven victory. "I thought I'd stepped on a little cricket. I feel terrible," said Mr. Seager during his postgame interview. "I'm jumping around shouting, then all of a sudden I catch a glimpse of the bottom of my shoe - and there's José. He was still smiling his cute little smile. Sad!"
The Houston Astros mourned the tragic loss of their beloved star, with several players blaming themselves. "I spent so many hours carrying him around in my hat," said Kyle Tucker. "José was such a sweet little guy. We'd go out to dinner and I'd order steak, then he would just spend the whole hour nibbling on a little piece of a french fry. José stayed with my family for Thanksgiving one year, and we put a little cotton ball in a matchbox for his bed. He was so cozy. Oh, José!"
At publishing time, Minnesota Twins shortstop Carlos Correa had returned to Houston to secure the remains of his old friend in a trash can lid.
Babylon Bee
Posted on 10/24/23 at 10:56 am to Frank Black
As a lifelong Astros fan, it’s so awesome to know that we live in every baseball fans head, on free rent too. Best organization in the MLB right now. When you’re at the top, everyone hates you and wishes they could be you. I take all this trash talk as a compliment. Can’t wait to get that 3rd ring next season.
Posted on 10/24/23 at 11:01 am to Burt Orangello
That’s funny I don’t care who you are. Little fricker is a gamer though, my cap is officially tipped to Jose Altuve.
Posted on 10/24/23 at 11:03 am to Frank Black
Astros fan but that is hilarious
Posted on 10/24/23 at 11:09 am to sta4ever
quote:
As a lifelong Astros fan, it’s so awesome to know that we live in every baseball fans head, on free rent too. Best organization in the MLB right now. When you’re at the top, everyone hates you and wishes they could be you. I take all this trash talk as a compliment. Can’t wait to get that 3rd ring next season.
I mean...you cheat.
Posted on 10/24/23 at 11:12 am to GamecockUltimate
quote:
I mean...you cheat.
Rent
Free
Posted on 10/24/23 at 11:12 am to Honest Tune
These Altuves memes are pretty solid
But Altuve aint the reason the astros lost this series
But Altuve aint the reason the astros lost this series
Posted on 10/24/23 at 11:13 am to Honest Tune
This guy is a monster. He crushes home runs in the postseason.
The other one plays for the Yankees.
I’m a Rangers fan, but Altuve is incredible, and a pain in the arse.
The other one plays for the Yankees.
I’m a Rangers fan, but Altuve is incredible, and a pain in the arse.
Posted on 10/24/23 at 11:13 am to Cosmo
frick naw, he’s the reason (Yordan too) it went as far as it did.
Posted on 10/24/23 at 11:15 am to Frank Black
I read somewhere that the Astros initially sent him home from a try out because he was so short they thought he was lying about his age
Posted on 10/24/23 at 11:45 am to Burt Orangello
The Marcus Semien one is hilarious.
Posted on 10/24/23 at 11:51 am to A Menace to Sobriety
quote:
The Marcus Semien one is hilarious
It is except that their stats in the playoffs would require them to switch roles. One was excellent and the other was not.
This post was edited on 10/24/23 at 11:52 am
Posted on 10/24/23 at 12:06 pm to GamecockUltimate
For comparison please name all the MLB teams that have NEVER cheated. Do you hate them as well or is it just the Astros that you hate? The Astros are living rent free in your head my friend.
Posted on 10/24/23 at 12:12 pm to Ghost of Colby
I mean, the strike zone for that little guy is so small that pitchers have a difficult time pitching around him. In order to get a strike pitch they have to throw balls that they would usually only throw at a full count.
Posted on 10/24/23 at 12:23 pm to GamecockUltimate
quote:
I mean...you cheated better than the Yankees, Dodgers, and Red Sox did
FIFY
Posted on 10/24/23 at 12:29 pm to sta4ever
It’s hilarious how much of a fig statement that was.
Posted on 10/24/23 at 12:31 pm to HubbaBubba
quote:
I mean, the strike zone for that little guy is so small that pitchers have a difficult time pitching around him. In order to get a strike pitch they have to throw balls that they would usually only throw at a full count.
Dude, you couldn't say I don't know what I'm talking about any worse than that
Wow, just wow
Are you saying he's patient and waits for walks?
He hits balls out of the zone almost nightly, and never gets deep in counts
I mean really, I don't want you to try and explain. I just want you to know how you are
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