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re: How many Aggies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Posted on 4/22/15 at 9:21 am to
Posted by lsuroadie
South LA
Member since Oct 2007
8398 posts
Posted on 4/22/15 at 9:21 am to
A woman hired a contractor to repaint the interior of her house. The woman walked the man through the second floor of her home and told him what colors she wanted for each room.

As they walked through the first room, the woman said, "I think I would like this room in a cream color."

The contractor wrote on his clipboard, walked to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!"

He then closed the window and continued following the woman to the next room. The woman looked confused, but proceeded with her tour.

"In this room, I was thinking of an offblue."

Again, the contractor wrote this down, went to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!"

This baffled the woman, but she was hesitant to say anything. In the next room, the woman said she would like it painted in a light rose color.

And once more, the contractor opened the window and yelled, "Green side up!"

Struck with curiosity, the woman mustered up the nerve to ask, "Why do you keep yelling 'Green side up' out my window every time I tell you the color I would like the room?"

The contractor replied, "I have a crew of Aggies laying sod across the street."
Posted by Tiger Ree
Houston
Member since Jun 2004
24548 posts
Posted on 4/22/15 at 9:22 am to
During a battle between Aggies and Tigers they were across the Sabine river from each other. The Aggies threw a grenade across the river right into the middle of a bunch of Tigers. What happened next ????

























Well, just like the many times before, one of the Tigers calmly picked up the grenade, pulled the pin, and threw it back to the Aggies side.
Posted by L S Usetheforce
Member since Jun 2004
22766 posts
Posted on 4/22/15 at 9:25 am to
What are the first five words an Aggie football player hears after buying a new suit?

"Would the defendent please rise"
Posted by TDTGodfather
Baton Rouge
Member since Dec 2007
6169 posts
Posted on 4/22/15 at 9:30 am to
quote:

I'd rather not think about 2 men "doing it"

Then a TAMU thread is not where you belong.
Posted by L S Usetheforce
Member since Jun 2004
22766 posts
Posted on 4/22/15 at 9:31 am to
What do you call a circle jerk of Aggies around a jar?

Tradition
Posted by lsuroadie
South LA
Member since Oct 2007
8398 posts
Posted on 4/22/15 at 9:32 am to
3 men on a plane sitting next to and talking to each other. after an hour, 1st man says to second...

'you're a Harvard man aren't you?'

'why yes...how could you tell?'

'your command and use of the English language is superb.' second man says to first...'you're a MIT man aren't you?'

'why yes, yes I am. how'd you know?'

'your knowledge of the maths and sciences always gives you guys away'

after a few minutes and not wanting to feel left out, the third guy pipes up says...'guess you can't tell where I graduated from?'

the first guy says....yes, yes we can. you're a ATM grad.'

'how'd you guess that?'

'we saw your class ring when you were picking your nose.'
Posted by 81Tiger
LSU Alumnus
Member since Sep 2009
6629 posts
Posted on 4/22/15 at 9:32 am to
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in College Station. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde Aggie woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting:

'I've heard enough of your stupid arse blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as a person.

Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!'

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the Aggie blonde yells, 'You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little shite on your knee.'







Posted by TigerKurt
Kenner, LA
Member since Apr 2005
862 posts
Posted on 4/22/15 at 9:34 am to
Do you know why there is artificial turf in Kyle Field?

So the cadets' dates don't graze at halftime.


The Aggie head athletic trainer was fired.

He forgot the recipe for ice.


The Aggie elevator operator had to be retrained.

He forgot the route.




This post was edited on 4/22/15 at 9:36 am
Posted by L S Usetheforce
Member since Jun 2004
22766 posts
Posted on 4/22/15 at 9:39 am to
4 Aggies were shooting up herion and sharing the same needle.........Another Aggie comes up and says "hey guys, yall should stop doing that you could get aids"

Aggies all yell back "its cool bro, we are wearing condoms"
Posted by BIG CAT
louisiana
Member since Jan 2005
3568 posts
Posted on 4/22/15 at 9:45 am to
That is funny very funny
Posted by tigerdup07
Member since Dec 2007
21966 posts
Posted on 4/22/15 at 9:46 am to
i once went to kyle field and noticed two aggies climbing the flag pole at the top of the stadium

when I got closer, I noticed that the one climbing the pole had a tape measure. the one at the bottom of the pole was holding the other end. the one climbing kept slipping down and that's when I asked what the hell he was doing. he said that they had a project for their engineering class that said to measure how tall the flag pole was at the stadium.

I asked them why didn't they just remove the pole and lay it down and measure it and then put it back up.

they said, "he doesn't want to know how long it is, dumbass"

Posted by MondayMorningMarch
Pumping Sunshine. She's cute!
Member since Dec 2006
16866 posts
Posted on 4/22/15 at 10:01 am to
Q: How can you tell if the field is level?

A: Drool comes out of both sides of the Aggie's mouth.
Posted by lsutigers1992
Member since Mar 2006
25317 posts
Posted on 4/22/15 at 10:07 am to
During the Spring Game when Mike Sherman was their coach, they played a full four quarters and neither side scored a touchdown.

So they decided to play sudden-death overtime, NFL style until somebody scored and won. They played 4 extra quarters and still neither side scored.

So Sherman gathered his team and said "Okay, we're done. Nobody's gonna score."

The QB of one of the teams said "Screw that. We wanna win and we'll stay out here as long as it takes."

The captain of the other team said "Screw this. We're outta here. Stay out here as long as you want."

So one team stayed out there and the other one went back to the locker room.

8 plays later, the team that stayed out there kicked a field goal and won 3-0.
Posted by cheesey
Member since Mar 2004
279 posts
Posted on 4/22/15 at 10:10 am to
Three guys walk in a Houston bar. First guy orders a martini, second guy orders a bourbon, third guy orders a beer.

Bartender says I bet I can tell where all of you went to college or your drinks are free. The three guys gladly accept the bet.

The bartender says first guy you're obviously UT, second guy LSU, third guy your order didn't tell me much but I know it's Texas a&m because I saw your class ring when you were picking your nose.
Posted by Keltic Tiger
Baton Rouge
Member since Dec 2006
19303 posts
Posted on 4/22/15 at 10:22 am to
What do you call an aggie with a sheep under each arm? A pimp.
Posted by S
RIP Wayde
Member since Jan 2007
155639 posts
Posted on 4/22/15 at 10:29 am to
quote:

There was an Aggie sitting in a rowboat in the middle of the football field. Another Aggie in a truck shows up and asks, "What are you doing?" The 1st Aggie said, "I just bought this boat and I couldn't find a body of water, so I took it here and started paddling." The 2nd Aggie says, "You stupid idiot! The 1st Aggie said, if I knew how to swim, I would come out there and punch you in the face!
Posted by RidiculousHype
St. George, LA
Member since Sep 2007
10206 posts
Posted on 4/22/15 at 10:36 am to
Growing up in the 80's in Baton Rouge, we used to tell Aggie jokes but none of us realized as kids they were about A&M. Looking back it's strange that we were telling jokes about a non-conference opponent when it wasn't a big SEC rivalry or even an in-state rival like Tulane (at the time Tulane was decent in football).
Posted by Thurber
NWLA
Member since Aug 2013
15402 posts
Posted on 4/22/15 at 11:04 am to
Posted by Sandy_Ash
Member since Feb 2015
1162 posts
Posted on 4/22/15 at 11:12 am to
will bonfire jokes result in bannings? cause I have a funny one.
Posted by geaux88
Northshore, LA
Member since Oct 2003
16355 posts
Posted on 4/22/15 at 11:15 am to
Q: Why did the Aggie cross the road?
A: He couldn't get his dick out of the chicken

Q: How do you get a one-armed Aggie out of a tree?
A: You wave to him.

A Bama grad, an LSU grad and an Aggie were standing on the bank of a river that was exactly 1000 feet wide. Aggie calls the Bama and LSU grads pussies and dares them to swim to the other side. Bama guy goes first, swims 250 feet, realizes he can't make it and turns around. LSU guy goes second, swims 280 feet, realizes he can't make it and turns around. Aggie says, "Hah!" and goes third. He swims 995 feet, realizes he can't make it and turns around!


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