Delusions of a gump (with sub-titles)

I ran into a Bama fan at Sam's Club the other day. I was in my LSU hoodie and he was working at the auto counter. I needed a battery, and he "welcomed" me with a 'rahwl tahyd'. (roll tide) I knew this wasn't going to go well. The bad battery still had a warranty, but the damn Bama fan said that he couldn't 'do nuffin fhur' (do nothing for) me without the original reciept. I didn't have an original receipt b/c it was the battery that came with the truck when I bought it.

Anyway.. no manager there and no way was this prick helping me. So I bought a battery. While he was ringing me up, he asked if I was going to the game. I live outside of Vegas and right now things are tight. So I just said I wish.. You?


"Weyhl heylle yeyah!!" (well hell yeah!)

So I said that must cost a pretty penny. "Nope", he says. You must have some nice friends then. "Heylle",(hell) he said again. "Aye ain't pahyed fhurr uh tykkut eyn fh-fh-fhurhayver.(I ain't paid for a ticket in f-f-forever) (he had a slight speach impediment) Aynd aye ain't meyssud uh beyg gayme awve Baymah's yheyt." (and I ain't missed a big game of Bama's yet)

So I had to ask. "How??" "Heylle.. Aye jh-jh-jhust wawlk awn eyn. Aye whuz ayt thu Ayle Eyse Eywe Ghayme rhayt awn thu f-f-fiftey yawrd lhiyne thraye rhawes up. (Hell.. I j-j-just walk on in. I was at the LSU game right on the f-f-fifty yard line 3 rows up)

All I could do was say "nice!" and "don't get killed down in New Orleans."

I didn't wanna ask how a guy working at Sams could afford multiple plane tickets back to T-town or how no one noticed that he was sitting in their high dollar seats.

I've read a lot on this board about the delusions of the gump. I didn't want to believe that someone could lie so much with every breath that was muttered. I am sorry to say that I now know first hand the utter stupidity that is a Bama fan.