re: I’m a plumber.

In our spare shower, when I pull the bar up to make the water come out of the top shower head instead of the spigot, have the water still comes out of the spigot. How fricked am I?

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Instead of dripping the faucets, could I just turn off the water main and then let all the faucets/lines drain out to prevent them from freezing?

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Yes an no
If you do be sure and open all of the faucets , but you are still taking a chance because you will not be able to drain all the water out of The lines unless you blow the lines with an air compressor, so you will still have water in some of your lines, as long as when it freezes the ice has somewhere to go (hence leaving all the faucets open) ice will form along the line of least resistance and go long ways inside the pipe and it not burst, BUT if you have an ice plug form and trap water in a dead space then that water freezes it will burst a pipe, same for dead end connections that you forgot to leave open, toilet fill lines, ice makers, washing machines, dishwashers
All of that takes prolonged super cold temps , but best to just leave hot and cold dripping, set a delay start on dishwasher, empty your ice bin and possibly put a pencil under the flapper inside the toilet tank , all of this is overkill for most modern slab houses, I have a 70 year old camp on pier and beam in S.W. MS, I will be doing all of the above, a $100 water bill is much better than a several thousand dollar plumber bill on Christmas Day

Good luck

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AdviCe for stuck hose on spigots

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2 pipe wrenches, one to stabilize hose bib, the other to take hose off, if you can not do that in time cut your hose as close to bib as possible, wrap bib and fix hose and get fitting off when you have time

When you have time soak fitting with vineger or CLR to break up mineral deposits

either would be fine, also keep the emptying the ice bin so that it continues to make new ice and will keep flushing the line

disconnecting saves the ice maker but still leaves the pipes to burst

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Correct but uponor pex A fittings will still break when frozen so insulating pex fittings is recommended.

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correct....pex wont rupture, but if in a wall that is uninsulated.....it can mess up the fitting and come apart. friend of mine had this happen above his outdoor kitchen(really a full conditioned room)

outdoor kitchen sink....do I just drip both hot and cold?

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PEX will expand and/or crack. Will 100% burst if it is exposed to sunlight on a regular basis.

In all seriousness you have the most likely chance of a pipe bursting than anyone in here. There is no way to protect your heater without having a constant flow of water through it. Outdoor tankless heaters are outlawed up north for this reason. They will likely soon be outlawed here